


Always (Come For Me)

by biffes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Canon-Typical Violence, Cheating, Drinking, Eventual Romance, First Time, Heartbreak, Hogwarts Era, Hook-Up, Lots of Sex, M/M, Minor Character Death, Post-Hogwarts, Quickies, Severus Snape Lives, Sirius Black Lives, Size Kink, Slight Incest, Sneaking Around, Unrequited Love, Verbal Abuse, bdsm undertones, major character death not permanent, unrequited Sirius/James, unrequited Snape/Lily - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 12:29:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 49,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5375225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biffes/pseuds/biffes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snape might have been lying when he said Sirius Black wasn't punished for the prank he had pulled on him. It all started with Sirius having to live with the Snapes for the remainder of his summer...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always (Come For Me)

**Author's Note:**

> Sirius/Snape is my OTP and this is my headcanon. I tried to stay as close to canon time-line as possible.

Sirius stumbled to a halt. It was his first experience with Side-Along Apparition and he wasn’t sure he liked it. And for such a thin person Dumbledore sure had a mean grip on him. He shook his arm to get the blood flowing again.

“This way.”

They walked along a black river, the grass on its banks yellowing and dusty. In the stifling July heat the air was dry and full of chemicals. Soon Sirius realized why. As Dumbledore took a left onto a cobbled street full of uniformed brick houses an enormous smoking mill chimney came into view in the distance. They seemed to be headed toward it. Although they must have walked several hundred meters they were yet to come across another living soul.

Sirius was so busy staring at the strange Muggle neighbourhood that he nearly walked into Dumbledore when the man stopped abruptly. Sirius looked up at the man’s wisened face in question. He hoped he would grow up to be as tall as the Headmaster, although he imagined however tall he stood he would always look up to Dumbledore.

“Before we go in I wanted to have a few words with you, Sirius. Although it is your summer holiday, as you know this is by no means a vacation. As I explained to you at the end of the school year my only condition for your return to Hogwarts was that you stay here for the better part of the summer. I do want you to take this matter seriously.” Sirius had the strong urge to laugh at the word ‘seriously’. “Your recent actions could have led to the death of a student. Whether it was an act of boyish cruelty or plain foolishness I do not know, nor do I care. Unless by the end of your stay I feel that you show honest remorse and some form of compassion toward your peer, make no mistake, I  _will_  expel you.” The deep blue of Dumbledore’s eyes seemed to be looking into the depth of Sirius soul. There was no twinkle. “This is your chance to see the situation from a different point of view. This is the time to make amends. I believe that the goodness in your heart that your very good friends know about can be extended toward this particular person. Maybe you can even steer a black unicorn to the right path.”

Sirius cleared his throat. He had no idea what to say.

“The family has kindly agreed to house you, so I very much hope that you will be on your best behaviour and help them in any way you can. The living conditions may be different to the ones you are used to, but I believe it only makes the experience more unique and educational for you. Try to take everything in with an open mind.”  _Or else_ , Sirius thought.

“I understand.”

“Very well. We are almost there,” said Dumbledore with a satisfied nod.

The two of them walked alongside the identical worker’s houses until they reached the one at the very end of the street. Dumbledore knocked lightly on the door. Not twenty seconds later a thin, pallid woman opened the door. She gave a fleeting smile to Dumbledore and the two exchanged a few words.

“- may I introduce you to Sirius Black?” Dumbledore was saying.

“Nice to meet you, Sirius,” said the woman extending her hand.

“Nice to meet you, er -”

“Call me Eileen.”

“Thank you for having me, Eileen,” said Sirius shaking her hand. She gave a weak smile.

“Of course.”

“Well, I must be off. Hogwarts is once again in need of a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, I’m afraid. I however, can always be reached at the school if anything urgent came up,” said Dumbledore.

“I’m sure there won’t be need for that,” Eileen told him.

“Excellent.” And then the Headmaster just Disapparated from behind the house.

Sirius was left standing there until someone cleared their throat. He looked up at Mrs. Snape holding the door open.

“Come in, then.”

And so it began.

.

“Dumbledore already sent your bag ahead. It’s upstairs.”

“Uhm, good,” Sirius found himself saying as he was lead inside the dark sitting room, covered wall-to-wall with bookshelves. He was at a loss. It was very unlike him to be ineloquent in social situations. He was taught to handle all sorts of group events and yet all of a sudden he had to rack his brains to come up with something half-intelligent.

“Would you like a cup of tea?”

“Yes, please,” said Sirius, jumping at the chance. It occurred to him that the woman being Snape’s mother could very well be proficient at potions-making and this could be her way of slowly poisoning him.  _She wouldn’t dare, not under Dumbledore’s nose_ , he decided.

“Have a seat.”

“I’d be happy to help,” Sirius offered, thinking of the Headmaster’s words of being useful while staying there.

“Nonsense. I will be just a minute.”

Sirius did not sit down. Instead he watched as Eileen made her way through the newly appeared door which until then had been covered by a wall of books. There really wasn’t much to snoop. The books were a mixture of Muggle and Wizarding literature, Ancient Greek authors’ works right next to tomes on Arithmancy and Wandlore. There wasn’t much furniture, only an armchair, a threadbare sofa and an unstable-looking table. The closed curtains enforced the feeling of being in a cell, but they certainly didn’t help keeping the heat out, thought Sirius, already sweaty. Tea suddenly sounded like a horrible idea.

“I hope you don’t mind black.” Eileen offered him a cup.

“It would be kind of pretentious of me.”

At her raised eyebrows, Sirius elaborated, flushing. “I mean because of my name… Sorry, I’m an idiot, it wasn’t funny.”

The side of Eileen’s lips twitched in a ghost of a smile. “I heard that you had a certain sense of humour.”

“Really? I’m sure your son doesn’t appreciate it.” Only when he said it did Sirius realize it sounded kind of like an attack. But Sirius was a Gryffindor after all and he would tackle the situation head on and not skirt around the issue.

“You would be surprised,” said Eileen.

Sirius left that without a comment, although he was sure his expression spoke for itself. If it wasn’t for Sirius’ sense of humour he wouldn’t even be there. Stupid prank on stupid Snape who didn’t understand the sarcasm when Sirius said that  _‘_ _Sure_ , you  _absolutely should_  push the root on the side of the Whomping Willow. At the end of the tunnel a mighty surprise awaits the traveller”.

“Speaking of…”

“He’s upstairs in his room.”

_Avoiding me_ , Sirius thought.  _Good_.

“Where will I be staying?”

“We don’t have a guest bedroom, so you will be -”  _Killing each other_ , Sirius supplied mentally. “- rooming together. A small Expansion Charm was used on the room, so it shouldn’t be too crowded for two.”

“Okay. Yeah… is there anything else I should know?”

The woman hesitated for a few seconds. “Tobias – my husband – works during the day. He can be… tired in the evening. You shouldn’t take it personally.”

Sirius put on a cheerful smile. “Oh, I know how it is. Everyday business takes a toll on a man. Father likes to retire to his study after a long day.”

Eileen smiled, but it looked more like a grimace. She seemed to disagree. Sirius decided to shut up, while Eileen slowly sipped her tea.

“You must be tired.”

Sirius nodded, even though he wasn’t. He just wanted to escape the stifling environment, even if it ultimately meant facing Snape.

“Just up the stairs, it’s the door on the left.”

“Thank you. If there’s anything I can help you with…”

“Oh no, you have a rest. I will call you when it’s time for dinner. Come, I will show you the kitchen.”

The kitchen turned out to be a dining room as well. It was so tiny it could barely hold a table with three chairs let alone a party of more. Behind the bookshelf-door there was only a narrow staircase beside the kitchen, a small cupboard and another door that apparently led to the cellar.

Sirius gave an unsubtle yawn and proceeded up the stairs when Eileen bid him to.

The whole house seemed to emanate darkness. Even though it was the middle of summer and late afternoon, there was hardly any light inside. Sirius was strongly reminded of the Hogwarts dungeons. No wonder Snape felt at home there. It actually  _was_  like home for him.

Sirius peeked inside the room opposite the stairs which turned out to be the bathroom. He assumed the room on the right was the parents’ room. He braced himself in front of Snape’s door. Sirius considered knocking, but then decided he would much rather see what Snape had been up to and face the consequences of disturbing him. So what if Sirius was curious? Call him childish, but he wasn’t naive enough to believe he and Snape could start anew just because Dumbledore wanted them to. In the end he turned the door handle and stepped inside. To his satisfaction Snape jerked at once, but continued to read his book like he didn’t notice Sirius.

“So,” said Sirius, looking around. There was not much to look at. The room was devoid of colour and emotions and any indication to Snape’s interests. No posters on the walls, no relics or collections. There were only two beds, two bedside tables and a closet. “Nice place.”

Snape stiffened, his fingers almost white from gripping his book so hard.  _He’s restraining himself from hexing me_ , Sirius realized.

“Where’s my… stuff?” he asked. But he spotted his bag almost instantly. It was half open. Sirius glanced at Snape, his heartrate going up in annoyance. He knew Snape had gone through his things and‘forgot’ to close it just to rile Sirius up. The inadvertent little smirk on his face was clear enough evidence. There was nothing compromising for Snape to find in there, plus if their situations were reversed, Sirius would have done the same thing.

“What’s there to do around here?” Snape acted as if nobody spoke. He just lounged there half-sitting, half-laying in his bed, his long hair curtaining his face that from the profile only his nose was visible. Sirius studied him for a while. Then at once he realized what was so strange about him. He was wearing Muggle clothes. The black jeans, grey T-shirt and black button-down showed much more of the contours of his body than your average school robes.

“It’s hotter in this bloody room than when Robertson’s cauldron caught fire.” Sirius wiped his brow. He actually thought of taking off his shirt, but decided against it. If he were with the Marauders right now, he probably would have been running up and down willy nilly or turning into Padfoot and jumping into the dirty river. But this was Snape. One did not just let their guard down around him.

“I though Slytherins liked cold what with them living in the dungeons. But clearly you never heard of airing out a room.” At that Snape suddenly dropped his book on his bed and jumped to his feet. He was almost out the door when Sirius asked: “Planning on ignoring me all summer? Interesting plan seeing as how you’ve never striked me as someone particularly resilient.”

Snape stopped, his hand gripping the door handle. “You think you got away with your little prank, don’t you? Well, I assure you, Black, if I have any say in the matter I will make certain you are expelled for your murder attempt.”

“Murder attempt?” Sirius scoffed. He stood up facing Snape. “Not in my wildest dreams did I imagine that you would be so fucking stupid as to do what I say  _as a fucking joke_! You wouldn’t recognize sarcasm even if it came as a Potions ingredient.”

Snape appeared not to hear him. “Dumbledore might think that you can be reformed, but I know better. Even your little group of friends fails to see you for who you really are. You can deny your family relations all you want, but I see through the act. You make it seem like you’ve never done dark magic, never meant to hurt anyone, but in reality,” Snape was white with rage, “you take joy in causing pain and misery.”

“You are deluded,” said Sirius in disbelief. “I don’t know why you like playing the victim, but it’s getting old. And if you knew anything about Dumbledore then you would realize he belives in giving people second chances. He has no intention of expelling me. He even thinks we could become some sort of friends and I had no heart to tell him how there’s no chance in hell for that.”

“You better watch your mouth and back while you are in my house,” Snape hissed.

“Now I’m terrifed.”

“Once you will think back and remember this moment. You don’t have to be terrified. You won’t even know what hit you. I will get back at you one way or another and you will regret ever crossing me.”

Sirius grinned in Snape’s furious face. “The only thing I can say to that as a Gryffindor and a Black is ‘bring it on’.”

Before Snape could say anything more, there was a call from downstairs. “Dinner!”

.

Sirius soon decided that although he had no love lost for Snape and prolonged proximity with Eileen made him uncomfortable, he straight out hated Tobias Snape. It wasn’t only the fact that he liked to refer to Sirius as‘pretty boy’, smelled of liquor and smoke, but treated his family with utmost contempt. He seemed to consider Eileen his personal slave, from cooking for him, washing after him to serving him while he did nothing. Tobias often called his own son‘useless’ and‘weak’ and he didn’t even try to hide it from Sirius. Ever time it happened and Snape caught sight of Sirius, he flushed red, either from embarrassment or anger.

It was a curious thing. Tobias was the Muggle and yet both Eileen and Snape seemed to fear him. He was prone to anger and violence, especially when under the influence of alcohol. Apparently he worked at the factory nearby the mill. The man was in constant bad mood and whenever he was at home, both his wife and son became subdued and evasive. It also turned out Tobias forbade the other two to use any sort of magic at home. Sirius thought Tobias clearly had some inferiority complex being the only non-magic person in his household. He ignored all the few, rare touches of wizardry like the magical books on the shelves or the sight of Sirius’ wand that one time he dropped it. Sirius, he treated cordially, if somewhat gruffly.

Snape used every opportunity to avoid his father at all points during the day. He often claimed not to be hungry at meal times or went for a walk at times Tobias was due to arrive home.

Needless to say that Sirius was shocked to see a family even more disjointed and estranged than his. The Snapes certainly managed. There was never a moment of warmth or joy of being together in the Snape household.

“Where do you live?” Tobias asked one morning during breakfast. Eileen was busy washing the dishes.

Sirius looked up in surprise. Usually meals were extremely sombre affairs, everybody eating their food like it was a most difficult task that required all their concentration, so they did not need to speak. Tobias at times complained about work, politics or anything really. He never bothered asking questions from anyone unless it was referring to tasks he gave to Eileen to do around the house.

“Uh, centre of London,” Sirius replied.

“Rich boy, as I thought. You have the looks and the posh accent. What does your father do?”

“Business.”

“They all do, these sorts. Not done a day of real man’s work in their whole lives.”

Sirius opened his mouth, then closed it. He couldn’t disagree with the sentiment. All Pure-Blood families lived on inheritence and shady deals made among each other, and the Blacks were no different.

“What sort of business?”

“Uh-”

“Hocus-pocus then,” said Tobias with disgust. He looked at his son who just dropped by the kitchen to return his plate. “All of you people are the same. If you can even be called that. Freaks of nature. No school or work, only waving that thing around like you were better than the rest of us. Well, don’t you forget that I’m the only one bringing home the money that puts food on the table. I’m not using any shortcuts to get things, so you better thank me and look happy while you do.”

Snape tried slip out the door, but his father’s words stopped him “And where do you think you are going? I’m talking to you.”

“I’m going out.”

“Out!” said Tobias with derision, looking at the his son’s back. Snape stood like a quivering statue. “And what are you doing‘out’? You have no friends that I know of, no interests other than burrowing yourself into books and that girl -”

Snape turned around, his face white with fury. “For your information I was going to the shop for food. Was there anything particular you wanted?”

“You could take this one with you,” He said nodding at Sirius. “I bet he never went grocery shopping in his life. That’s what he is here for, isn’t he? Learning new things. Seeing how it works in the  _real_  world.”

“Fine.”

.

“Say a word and I  _will_  hex you,” said Snape when Sirius opened his mouth to speak.

They walked in silence for about ten minutes. This part of the neighbourhood was easily distinguishable from the one they came from. Although the streets were lined with the same one-storey houses, these had tiny, well-kept gardens. There were hardly any people on the streets, nor animals save for the one stray cat staring at them from behind a bin. Snape turned to Sirius.

“Free time for you, Black.”

“What?”

“This is where our paths part. I don’t need your help to do the shopping and I have other things to do as well. You don’t strike me as the type to be stuck inside, so count this your lucky day. I want you to make yourself scarce for a few hours.”

“Where are you going?”

“I believe that is none of your business,” Snape sneered.

“You clearly don’t want me to know about it and that makes me understandably curious.”

“Fail to do that and I will make sure the Headmaster hears about how uncooperative you are.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Fine. I don’t care. You can go to your black magic circle meeting or whatever you are doing.”

“I trust you can find your way back to the house?”

“Oh yeah, I just need to follow the stench of the river.” Snape glared at him, then left. His long-sleeved black shirt, black trousers and long dark hair made him stand out in the suburban street like a scarecrow in a flowery field.

Sirius considered following him, but ended up letting Snape get out of sight. He wanted to be free even if it was just for a few hours. Snape was right about Sirius hating to be stuck indoors. All you could do in Spinners’ End was to read or clean or sleep. Sirius was sick of all of those things. He wanted fun, he wanted excitement. He wished for his friends. Hell, even his own family seemed like a cheerful option compared to the Snapes. He wanted freedom. And he knew just the right way to achieve it.

It was just a question of going into a hidden alcove and turning into Padfoot. Then off he went.

.

Sirius had a hard time covering up his elation after his little trip around Cokeworth in dog form. The place was rather lovely once you got far enough away from the tall smoking chimney. Padfoot could especially appreciate the strange new scents of the Muggle world in this corner of the world. Even when turning back into human form, Sirius had the urge to smile.

Snape on the other hand was in a right foul mood when he got back from wherever he had been. He delivered Eileen the promised groceries then shut himself in his room. Sirius found him there an hour later.

“Who spat in your soup? And before you ask, for once it wasn’t me.”

“Get out.”

“You are the only person I know who would get into a pissy mood after a walk outside on a sunny day.”

“I said get  _out_  of my room.”

Sirius smirked. “You know, I don’t think I will. You see, this is my room as well for the moment.”

Snape got up from his bed and advanced on Sirius.

“I won’t repeat myself again,” Snape growled.

“Good. Repetition is  _boring_.” Sirius stood his ground, facing Snape. They were inches apart.

“I want you gone.”

“And I want to be currently lying on a white, sandy beach in the Carribean, but clearly neither of our wishes is coming true any time soon, so.”

To Sirius’ utter shock Snape gripped him by the upper arms and pushed him toward the door. Sirius braced his legs so that he couldn’t be straight shoved through the doorway and mirrored Snape’s movements, trying to push back. Snape, however had the advantage of flow; Sirius’ back connected with the side of the door. Snape miscalculated the movement, because the door closed shut under their combined weight. The continued to struggle, Snape attempting to force Sirius sideways, Sirius half-heartedly pushing back.

“This is getting tedious,” Sirius panted. It was somewhat true. The room was stuffy from the heat and Snape didn’t look like he was giving up.

“Leave then,” Snape panted back, elbowing Sirius in the stomach.

“I don’t think I will. Knowing… knowing that you want me to, makes me want to stay.” Sirius tugged Snape’s spidery hand away from his belly, aiming a hit to the side of the neck that Snape parried.

“Your voice is grating on my nerves.” Snape tried to shake free Sirius’ hands from his clothing – unsuccessfully.

“Now you know how I felt all those years knowing you. You are an annoying git. Wanted to… wanted to shut you up.”

“Oh, but why didn’t you?” Snape breathed in between pants.

“I  _will_  shut you up,” said Sirius bracing himself.

“You are all talk. No, I dare you to,” said Snape maliciously. Sirius looked at Snape’s sweaty face, Snape’s body shaking under his hands in adrenaline and possibly exhaustion and acted like he had no choice in the matter. He pushed his lips against Snape’s.

Snape did not expect it. His body stiffened immediately and he started to pull away, so Sirius slid his hand further up Snape’s arm and pulled him closer by the neck. Kissed Snape harder. And then suddenly Snape seemed to let go of whatever inhibitions he had and pushed closer to Sirius. This time, Sirius let him, glad of the door providing some sort of vertical support. Snape put his hands lower, so that he was gripping Sirius’ hips and that their bodies aligned. It was heaven. It was hot and dirty and possibly the best thing Sirius had ever experienced. He did his best to pull Snape even closer by the arse, all the while giving out moans and other embarrassing noises, and not giving a fuck about them. He licked Snape’s lips open, slipped his tongue in and then they were snogging like their lives depended on it, kissing and biting. And then another shock came when Snape’s hand went to Sirius’ crotch. Sirius looked up into Snape’s eyes. It was a fraction of a second but Snape suddenly seemed uncertain, so Sirius did what came as the best solution at the time, he pushed Snape’s hand further down his pants, until those long fingers holding his length. He moaned in encouragement. Snape made quick work of Sirius’ shorts and then he was wanking Sirius with long strokes. And Sirius couldn’t just let him, he decided to return the favour. He fumbled when unbuttoning Snape’s trousers, pushed down his underwear and then stopped. Stared. Snape was huge. His hard cock was long and thick, bigger than any cock Sirius has ever seen. Snape glared at Sirius and resumed stroking his cock, turning his face away. But Sirius didn’t let him. He got hold of Snape’s jaw and forced him to look at Sirius, kissed him forcefully and started to move his hand up and down on Snape’s cock. Their movements were followed by soft, wet sounds and louder groans of pleasure. Sirius didn’t know how long they were at it, only that after a while everything became even more slippery with sweat and he felt his balls draw up and then he was coming and only seconds after Snape followed, his body going taut and then shaking from the aftershocks and then they were both panting – no longer kissing, no longer looking at each other. Snape was suddenly pulling his trousers up, getting the door open and practically running out the door. It was a long time before Sirius remembered to pull his pants up.

.

Sirius was rapidly becoming obsessed with Snape’s cock.

It had been 3 days – 74 hours and 36 minutes to be exact – since the _thing_ happened. Snape was yet to look at or talk to Sirius. However, this did not stop Sirius from fantasizing about it. His mind kept turning back to the image of Snape’s face and his gorgeous dick, the weight of it in Sirius’ hands, the sounds Snape made, the feeling of his thin lips against Sirius’ own… It was a new kind of torture Sirius had never experienced before. Not only this new development put Snape in a completely unexpected light – an object of attraction – but proceeded to turn Sirius’ normally clear thoughts into mush. The few times they came across each other in the small house, Snape always found himself something to do or made a quick escape. Sirius was growing agitated by this avoidance. He was a Gryffindor for fuck’s sake and that meant confronting any obstacle he came across. And he and Snape still slept in the same room and ate at the same table so it wasn’t like the hippogryff in the room would just disappear. They still had  _weeks_  to spend together… Therefore there had to be some sort of resolution.

Sirius was actually so bored that he resorted to reading his school book and doing the homework they were assigned at the end of their fifth year. When the the afternoon sun disappeared behind the houses on the other side of the street the sitting room became too hard to read in. Sirius shut his Transfigurations book and proceeded up the stairs to have a lie down. There wasn’t anything else to do until dinnertime. Only the room wasn’t empty this time. When Snape caught sight of Sirius all of a sudden he got up and would have brushed by Sirius, had he not got ahold of him and kicked the door shut.

He didn’t even intend to do it, but before his brain could catch up with his actions he was in Snape’s face. He tried to kiss him, only Snape turned his face away at the last second so that he ended up kissing his cheek. Sirius drew his head back to look at Snape. The best course of action seemed not to talk lest he scared Snape into escaping. Sirius then chanced unbuckling Snape’s pants and to his surprise he was not met with any opposition. He was about to touch skin when Snape’s hands went to his arms. Before Sirius could protest Snape gave him a push toward the ground. Sirius’ eyes widened, while Snape stared at him, impassive. And so Sirius decided to go with it. He kneeled down between Snape’s legs, he pulled down clothing until there was nothing but Snape all hard and naked and just there for the taking. He didn’t hesitate, just got hold of Snape’s legs and put his mouth on Snape’s cock. It was wet with precome, flushed all dark with blood and standing there proudly like it wanted to taunt Sirius. Well, he applied his lips and tongue, with licks and sucks starting out small, light and then becoming faster and harder. And Snape was giving out these lovely little moans that he clearly wanted to bury but couldn’t quite keep inside. It was exhilarating. Sirius could smell Snape’s musk and taste his saltiness and feel his own hardness pushing against his shorts and all he did was just try to wrange more of those secret sounds out of Snape. After a while Sirius’ mouth started to become tired, but he didn’t want to give in to fatigue, he wanted to make Snape break, he insisted on making Snape come apart under his hands and tongue. And then Snape was suddenly holding Sirius rather forcefully by the back of his head, by his hair and even that was a welcome sensation. Sirius moaned around Snape, making Snape’s hips stutter. It was only a few more deep sucks before he felt Snape still and then warm come flooded his mouth, and Sirius swallowed like it was a question of pride if he could hold it all in. He felt Snape soften in his mouth and it was only then he pulled off. Sirius sat back on his legs right there on the floor and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Snape meanwhile was putting himself back in order, tucking his shirt back in and straightening his pants. Sirius stood up and was about to just collapse on his bed, when Snape backed him into the door and proceeded to wank him into completion in a matter of seconds. Then he just left with his hands still shiny from Sirius’ come. Sirius heard the tap being opened in the bathroom and closed and then the sound of receiding footsteps on the stairs.

.

After that it was like a floodgate had been opened. In the following days they managed to meet in the room at least once during the day to get each other off. Snape never returned the favour of giving a blowjob, but he made sure Sirius came every time, whether from his hands or – as it turned out Sirius had a thing for that – his voice. Dirty talk seemed to do it for Sirius. Snape’s soft dangerous voice whispered into his ear or being pushed headfirst into the wall and being held there while Snape taunted him and bid him to come, hissed him to give up all pretense and let his control go was like an instinctual way to get him to come his brains out through his cock – while Snape just stood there watching.

The interesting part of it was how any other time of the day they went on like usual, never giving any indication that something had changed.

Sirius came to the conclusion that getting mutual orgasms was their way to handle their pent-up frustration at being shacked up together while their dislike toward one another did not lessen one bit. And why would it? Snape did not become any friendlier than a snake that was about to strike and Sirius did not feel like going out of his way to pretend to be all chummy when they had literally nothing in common apart from enjoying the other’s hand on their respective bodyparts. Sirius also did not examine closely why it was that he found himself every other day kneeling on the floor, coaxing noises out of Snape with just his lips and tongue.

It was a conundrum. He didn’t find Snape appealing to the eye, in fact it was the exact opposite really. Snape was by no means handsome. He had rough features; his body was too skinny, scarcely patterned with black hair, his face long with a prominently hooked nose and greasy hair, his eyes like black tunnels. The only part of him that Sirius found truly attractive and fascinating was of course Snape’s dick. Like it was the only thing nature gave him to compensate him for the unattractiveness of the rest of his body, Snape’s cock was a glorious thing. Even when in its soft state, it was long and lush and an honestly mouthwatering sight to Sirius. His balls were also nice sized and drew up close to his body when he was just about to come. As Sirius grew more experienced, he started to experiment with putting them in his mouth, giving them small licks or even grazing his teeth over them. And Snape would respond with those unbelievable sighs and push his hands deeper into Sirius’ hair and pull him even closer, until Sirius had trouble getting enough air. But it was a heady feeling to get Snape to lose his cool to such an extent, to get him to speak in monosyllables and grunts. Those few minutes became the best parts of his days.

.

Sirius woke up to the front door closing.  _Eileen left_ , he thought.

And sure enough Snape appeared not half a minute later.

“Get up.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. Usually they didn’t until talk until they were in the middle of things.

“I think whatever you want to do, we can do it in this bed.”

Snape just looked at Sirius flatly. “Strip.”

“Okay, I might do that. But first, tell me why,” said Sirius slowly from his position on the bed. He was still groggy from his afternoon nap.

“The other day… you mentioned something.” Just from the tone of his voice Sirius knew he meant something he said during their  _alone_   _time_.

“Which bit? I say a lot of things in the heat of the moment.”

“You mentioned something you… wanted me to do…”

Sirius thought back to all the things he moaned lately while getting off, and then it clicked. He flushed. Looked up at Snape who was busy avoiding looking into his eyes.

“Only if you still want to,” said Snape in a soft voice.

“Oh, I want you to fuck me,” answered Sirius, standing up. Snape watched him as Sirius pulled of his T-shirt, watched him as he got out of his Muggle jeans and got rid of his underwear. “You know, for this to work you will also need to undress to some extent.” Snape payed him no mind.

“Get on the bed.” Sirius smirked and went to kneel on Snape’s bed. “I meant -”

“No way I’m sleeping in a wet spot.” Snape grimaced at him, but in the end he joined him and wordlessly pushed Sirius onto the bed, so that he was on his elbows and knees. It was a vulnerable position, but Sirius resolutely looked back up at Snape, who got a little flask of oil from his bedside table. Sirius felt the heat rise in his cheeks at the implications.

Then it was Snape who unbuttoned his own jeans and pushed them down his hips, then proceeded to do the same with his underpants until he was standing there naked from the waist down. Sirius smallowed. Even at half-mast Snape looked too big to fit into him…

Sirius watched as he poured scented oil on his palm, lathered his cock up with a few pulls until his erection looked full. Just the view was enough for Sirius to get there as well, his own dick bobbing between his legs in anticipation. He closed his eyes for a few seconds to calm his heart down a little, and then he felt Snape’s oily palm settle on the small of his back and inch down between Sirius’ legs leaving a slippery trail. All the hair on Sirius’ body was standing on end, every cell of his body focusing on the few points of contact, as that first finger eased into his body. Snaped probed and then withdrew and then did the same with two fingers and three, all the while listening to Sirius’ reactions. The sensations were new but not unwelcome, the feeling of fullness was overpowering when they got to almost four fingers. Sirius’ breath was loud in the quiet of the room. He put his face into the bedcovers, inhaling the remains of Snape’s scent.

“Do it. Fuck me.”

The fingers were withdrawn and then he felt empty and then he didn’t, because he felt Snape’s presence behind himself, his heat and the hardness of his cock as it bumped against Sirius’ arsecheeks. After Snape pushed past that first ring of muscle it hurt. And yet Snape did not stop, nor did Sirius ask him to. He was too full and felt like he was on the brink of breaking in half, his muscles tensing up. Snape’s hands gripped the sides of his hips pushing further inside, slowly. Sirius must have made a painful noise because Snape stilled at once and reached around. Must have felt Sirius’ softened cock, because he then stroked Sirius and murmured softly, almost encouraging him. He rocked into Sirius and Sirius rocked back into him after a minute, breathing out.

“You are big,” he groaned.

“I had the impression you liked it,” Snape answered, his voice strained. His other hand was still drawing patters on Sirius’ side.

“That was before that freak of nature was inside me,” said Sirius. By now the pain has lessened and was just a distant thrum, his cock was starting to come back to life. “You can move now.”

And then step by step they started to move, first uncoordinated, then Snape taking charge and Sirius following his rhythm. Time seemed to lose its meaning and there was nothing else but movements of their bodies, the sound of their breathing, the scent of sex.

At one point Snape lost his bearing and his hand slipped on Sirius’ back, pushing Sirius into another angle and it made Sirius see stars, made him swear and demand from Snape to repeat the movement. Snape complied. His body soon became once again uncoordinated and Sirius felt the moment his dick grew impossibly a bit harder; Snape went still, pulsed and emptied himself into Sirius. Sirius could feel the strings of warm come inside his body and then it stopped. He thought he could feel the uneven patterns of Snape’s heartbeats through his softening cock. It took a while for him to pull out and Sirius immediately wished he didn’t. He suddenly felt cold and exposed and empty. This time Snape didn’t attempt to escape. He sprawled next to Sirius, not even bothering to cover up himself. Sirius flopped onto his back, his own abandoned cock making itself be seen. Before he could even touch himself, Snape’s hand pushed his aside and was pulling and squeezing Sirius’ cock in the most amazing ways, his hand a warm, oily channel that Sirius’ body seemed to very much appreciate. It didn’t take long for him to lose it, he came in wild spurts over Snape’s hand and over his own belly. He was pretty sure he blacked out for a few seconds because when he opened his eyes, Snape was in the process of pulling his pants up his thighs. Sirius watched him lazily.

“We should do this again.”

Snape did not look up at Sirius. “You no longer mind freaks of nature?”

“As long as they make me feel freakishly amazing…”

“Good to know,” said Snape dryly.

.

“Ah!”

“Shut up!” hissed Snape, but he did not stop fucking into Sirius. They were in the bath that could barely fit the two of them standing, hot water pouring over their already slick bodies.

“Let them hear us,” Sirius muttered, “It’s your fault anyway. You… you hit that spot again.”

“Oh, this one?” asked Snape, and demonstrated a push in the same angle as before. Sirius choked out a laugh.

“Yep. Do that again. I’m close.” He could tell Snape was close too. He had a hard time keeping upright what with the force of Snape’s pushes, his hands scrabbling against the slick bathroom tiles. Sirius opened his legs wider, pushing his arse up and back; he heard the answering choked off moan from behind him. It made him grin. “Come on, fuck me harder. You know how…”

And then Snape’s forearm snaked in front of his face and slid over Sirius’ throat, pulling Sirius further back into him, stopping the flow of air. His dick was pistoning into Sirius every other second and Sirius felt a moment of panic, becoming lightheaded from the lack of oxygen.

“Come for me,” breathed Snape with authority. He gripped Sirius close. And just Snape’s voice and the aspect of asphyxiation put his body on the brink and over. He came untouched, splattering the tiled wall and watching as if from a distance as the rest of his semen disappeared down the drain.

Snape let out a noise like he had been punched and spilled his seed inside Sirius, collapsing against him. However, it never took long for him to get his bearings and then he was busy pulling away, towelling off and putting himself in order. Sirius took his time rinsing off and following Snape’s movements with his eyes. The fact that he was starting to find Snape attractive could only speak of lost braincells and post-coital euphoria.

.

“Where is he?” Sirius asked Eileen one morning. He woke up quite late and Snape was nowhere to be found. It was a pity, Sirius was hoping for a quickie.

“He just left not five minutes ago. You can catch up to him,” said Eileen indicating a small dark figure further down the street.

“Thank you. I think I will.”

He hurried after Snape. When he was sure he could no longer be spotted by her from a window, he transformed into Padfoot and followed Snape’s scent. It was the same route they took when Snape wanted to get rid of him last time. Snape stopped in front of one the uniformed houses with its flowery garden in the nicer neighbourhood. He looked around checking if he was followed. Padfoot lay down next to a patch of white lilies. They made him want to sneeze. Snape knocked on the door and a girl their age opened the door. When she saw him her face turned into an ugly scowl.

“- she’s not at home. And even if she was she doesn’t want to see you or hear from you. Like I told you  _last time_.”

“Tell her I was here,” Snape insisted, visibly annoyed.

“If I see you here again I will call the police,” the girl said in a lofty voice.

“I would like to see you try,” hissed Snape. Padfoot could see his hand reaching for his wand.

“Go away. No one wants you here.” Then she shut the door in his face. Snape swore and punched the door once with force, then he left with a horrible scowl on his face. He was so angry he didn’t even notice the black dog lying in the shrubbery.

.

That night Snape fucked Sirius with abandon; hard and vengeful, like he didn’t even realize what he was doing. After, when he was changing into pyjamas, Sirius asked him.

“Where were you today?”

“I don’t believe that is for you to know.”

“You know, our time together is almost over,” Sirius prodded.

“So?”

“So, I was thinking…”

“- a dangerous thing for you.”

“- at Hogwarts. We could, maybe, do… what we have been doing…”

Snape considered Sirius, then smiled. A cruel smile. “No.”

“What?”

“I think I was clear enough. No means no.”

“But you liked it.”

“Not enough to risk being found out.”

“What do you even care if someone at school finds out? If your dad -”  _It would be so much worse if he found out._

“Shut up.”

“Not until you agree.”

Snape squared up in front of Sirius, his face stony. “Whatever you may think we have been doing will stop at once you leave for good. I only did it to stop myself from killing you. It caused me no joy, but I admit it made life more interesting.”

“Come off it. You loved it. You loved hearing me… well, beg for it. You liked being inside me…”

“I’m fifteen years old. Of course I liked putting my dick into a warm, wet hole. But it could have been  _anyone_. Don’t think you are any special. And the fact that you were willing to beg for me to fuck you was an unexpected surprise. That is all. Like I told you, I will use any opportunity to get my revenge. And if it is making you fall apart under my hands, then be it. It’s enough that I know. That you know. It’s the simple knowledge that you loved being fucked by me and you will not be able to forget it. You will always remember your first time. Am I right?”

Sirius swore under his breath. It wasn’t even that Snape’s words hurt him. It was the thought of not being able to have Snape again.

“Look, Snape. Wherever you were today, whatever your reasons for… Well, I don’t care. We have four days. I want to use those four days to get fucked within an inch of my life. I want to get fucked so hard I forget my own name.”

“You are pathetic.”

“You may think I’m pathetic, but at least I will be satisfied.”

Snape only sneered in answer.

“So, you in?”

.

Sirius was breathing in big gulps of air and massaging his neck.

“That was -”  _Amazing_.

Snape rolled his eyes heavenward, brushing his hair back from his face.

“You should be packing.”

“Five more minutes of afterglow,” Sirius told Snape, streching his arms above his head.

“If you were hoping that Dumbledore will appreciate you dedicating yourself to being my sex slave and thus will not expel you…”

“I think that ship has sailed long ago. You will have to condition yourself to the thought of seeing me again in a few weeks.”

“Ah, well, there goes the happy ending to my summer holidays.”

Sirius snorted. “Unless you want me to come over before?”

“Don’t you  _dare_.”

“Don’t worry. I will probably have to go visit dozens of relatives, I must have missed six birthdays and three arranged marriages while I was here.”

“I would have thought you would go straight to Po… your friends.” Sirius heard the unsaid  _Potter’s_.

“My parents don’t approve of my friends.”

“Case in point. You usually do the complete opposite of what you are told to do.”

“Ah hell. I really should be packing. Dumbledore is supposed to be here in twenty minutes or so.” Sirius sat up and started throwing clothes and books into his bag.

.

“Thanks again for having me.”

“It was our pleasure,” said Eileen, shaking Sirius’ hand. Snape was watching by the bookshelves with an impassive face.

Dumbledore beamed at them. “Good, good. Unfortunately we must be off, I promised Sirius’ parents he would be home by seven.”

They said their goodbyes to Eileen and Snape, who nodded at the Headmaster but otherwise did not react.

“Well?” said Dumbledore when they were far enough from Spinners’ End. “Do you feel you learned something?”

Sirius startled. His mind was still back there in Snape’s bedroom.

“Oh, I -” Learned that I am obsessed with Snape’s dick. I learned that I like to be humiliated and choked during sex. I learned that Snape tastes amazing and I would happily spend my whole day sucking his dick… “It was educational.”

Dumbledore inspected Sirius over his half-moon spectacles. “Maybe you learned something about yourself, too.”

“Yeah. And I survived for a month without using my wand.”  _Well, that wand_.

They Apparated to the small square at Grimmauld Place.

Dumbledore smiled down at Sirius. “I’m proud of you, my boy.”

“Why? It’s not like Snape and I are… friends.”

“That may be, but I am sure your presence lit up that dark house and its inhabitants.”

“I don’t know about that,” said Sirius, thinking about Tobias Snape grunting at Eileen that very morning to bring him a cuppa.

Sirius’ mother, Walburga Black walked up to them. Her nose turned up in distaste at Sirius’ Muggle clothing, Sirius could tell just by looking at her.

“His punishment is over, I assume?” Walburga asked.  _It just started, since I’m home again_ , thought Sirius wryly.

“Sirius is free to go as he pleases,” nodded Dumbledore. “I will see him on the first day of the new school year.”

“Wonderful,” she said, making it sound if it was anything but. “We must hurry, everybody missed Sirius terribly.”

“Of course. Have a nice day!” He Disapparated with a pop.

“Hm.” Walburga glared at the spot Dumbledore just disappeared from. “Come. I don’t want to look at those hideous Muggle clothes any longer. I thought this boy’s mother was from a Pure-Blood family.”

“She is,” said Sirius. He did not elaborate.  _Welcome bloody home, Sirius_.

.

“Meanwhile your cousin Narcissa made a respectable engagement with Lucius Malfoy,” Sirius’ mother was saying. Sirius took a big gulp of Elvish wine. He was already bored to death and he had only been home for half an hour. He made a noncommittant sound.

Regulus leaned over to Sirius. “You got an owl today. Probably from Potter,” he said in accusing tone.

“Thanks. So what else is new, other the fact that another marriage was arranged.”

“Andromeda is dating a Mudblood.”

“How fascinating.” Sirius took a bite from his pheasant. It was delicious. He thought upon his return he would enjoy more the perks of being rich, the expensive wine, the quality ingredients of the dish made by house elves, the softness his clothes, the fine china and the feeling of being home. The satisfaction didn’t come. He found he would rather be sitting at Spinners’ End and eat in silence rather than listen to his mother drone on about what ugly dress an aquaintance wore to the latest ball.

“You seem down.”

“Just tired,” he told Regulus. “May I be excused, Mother?”

“You may. Now, as I was saying Burgin agreed to buy that poisonous necklace from me at a good price…”

Sirius stood up and nobody but Regulus seemed to notice. Father’s face was buried inside the Daily Prophet and he looked he was doing his best at ignoring Walburga’s monologue, only nodding at regular intervals.

.

Sirius found James’ letter in his room. The seal was broken, which meant Regulus had already read it. Nothing unusual then.

Sirius felt a pang of sadness at the memory of his best friend. How was it that he barely even thought about him these last few weeks? Did he get so attached to Snape that he forgot about the one person who had always stood by him since the day they met? James was his soulmate. He hesitated to use the word brother considering his… feelings toward James. They were not very brotherly. Although his feelings toward Regulus were often anything but brotherly…

James was asking about his summer so far – there was no mention of Snape’s name, but it was clear that’s what James was trying to ask about. And what could Sirius write back? _Oh, by the way, I hooked up with Snape, not once but closer to fifty times and I liked it, loved it, couldn’t get enough of it._

No, James must not know about this, whatever this was. He would just think that Snape slipped him a Confusion Potion or that Sirius was willing to whore himself out in order not to get expelled…

Better to answer the other parts of the letter that did not concern his stay at the Snapes, like how the three of them spent another full moon together and Wormtail finally managed to stay rat for the whole duration or what new plans James had to make for Lily Evans to fall in love with him. Sirius wrote back agreeing to meet on September 1 on Platform 9 ¾ . He fell asleep soon after sending his letter to James.

He woke up when he was jostled. A warm body settled next to him on the bed.

“What are you doing?” he muttered.

“I missed you,” said Regulus.

Sirius took a breath and then let it out. “I missed you, too.”

Regulus wriggled until he had Sirius’ arm around his shoulders.

“You look different.”

“Mhm?”

“More sure of yourself or… I don’t know. You just seem different.”

“Maybe time away from Mother did me some good,” said Sirius. What he thought was “ _I had sex for the first time and the second time and many-many times after. Maybe that’s why I seem different. I feel different.”_

“I don’t want you to get into trouble again like this. I don’t want you to be away from me for this long.”

“I won’t. Learned my lesson, didn’t I?”

“Did you, though?” Regulus asked, raising his head to look up at Sirius. Sirius didn’t reply.

“You will stay here for the rest of the summer holidays, right?”

“Yeah, I will have to.”

“But you will meet up with Potter,” said Regulus sullenly.

“You should know the answer to that, since you read my letter.” Regulus didn’t even bat an eyelash.

“I had no chance to see your answer.”

“I’m not meeting anybody. James is at Quidditch camp anyway.”

“Good,” said Regulus. He burrowed his head into Sirius’ side.

“I don’t understand why you two don’t get along.”

“I don’t like anyone who tries to take you away from me.”

.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come to the Ministry with me?” Orion Black asked from behind his desk.

“Do I have to?”

Orion sighed. “No, you don’t  _have to_. I thought you might be interested in the Secretary’s office.”

“Ugh, that sounds terribly dull. I would be interested to see what the Unspeakables do, though.”

“Not even I have entry into the Department of Mysteries. I thought you could say hello to Lucius Malfoy.”

“Yeah, _no_. I will congratulate him on his upcoming nuptuals with my dear cousin Narcissa when I have to, but no sooner.”

“Suit yourself. If you prefer helping your mother choose the colour of curtains in the drawing room…”

“I have loads of homework to do.” Orions lips twiched at that. Sirius shrugged.

“How very unlike you to think of school before you are even there.”

“You know me, I will be the model student from now on.”

“You certainly have the intelligence for that.”

“Too late for me to become a Prefect, I’m afraid.”

“Not too late to become a Head Boy.” Sirius snorted out loud.  _Head boy indeed. If you only knew, Father_.

Orion stood up, gathering a few parchments. “Listen, son. Regardless of your school results, with our contacts you can become anything you want. Maybe even the next Minister of Magic.”

“I would look stupid in a tophat.”

“Unspeakable then.”

“I will do unspeakable things.”

“Be good, Sirius,” said Orion, patting Sirius’ shoulder. It was an unusually nice gesture.

“Aren’t I always?”

.

A few weeks later Sirius and Regulus were lying side by side in Sirius’ bed. It was the middle of the night.

“Where did you disappear at the party?”

“I was having a smoke outside.”

“That’s a disgusting habit.”

“So is cutting off house elf heads and decorating our house with them.”

There was a pause. “Uncle Cygnus forced me to play Gobstones with him.”

“That must be why you looked like you were about to stab the next person that approached you.”

“Who even plays Gobstones these days?”

Eileen, thought Sirius. She had several books on Gobstones strategy. “I don’t know what you are complaining about, myself. I had to sit next to Bellatrix. She wouldn’t shut up about this guy, Riddle. If I didn’t know better I would say she wanted to break off her engagement with Rodolphus Lestrange.”

“He is amazing,” said Regulus firmly. Sirius actually looked at his brother in the dark in disbelief.

“Who, Rodolphus?”

“No, Riddle. He’s accomplished so much. Been to amazing places. Knows magic no one could match.”

“Somebody has a little crush,” Sirius teased. Regulus’ hand came out of nothing and hit Sirius in the chest.

“I don’t have a crush.”

“So what are all those clippings in your room?”

“What were you doing in my room? Without my express permission -”

“Yeah yeah. And who gave you permission to go through my post?”

“That’s an established routine. Has been in the works for years.” Sirius elbowed Regulus in the stomach. Regulus jumped and tackled Sirius. They wrestled for a few moments until Sirius managed to throw Regulus down and sit on his legs so he couldn’t get up. “Sirius, let me up!”

“This is what you get for being a little git who stucks his nose into someone else’s business.”

“It’s unfair. You are much heavier than I am. I have a Seeker’s build.”

“Didn’t help you much in getting the Snitch first against the Gryffindors. James -”

“I don’t want to talk about James Potter! Or stupid Gryffindors,” said Regulus vehemently. Sirius looked down into his brother’s furious face.

“Okay. What do you want to talk about then?”

“I don’t want to talk at all. I want -” Sirius knew what he wanted. He also wanted it. Sirius knew that look Regulus was giving him. He looked away, and scrambled off of Regulus’ legs.

“You should go back to your bed.”

“No.” Regulus got hold of Sirius’ biceps and tugged him back down on the bed. “Soon we go back to Hogwarts and we can’t… I want to stay here tonight,” he said in a firm voice.

Sirius closed his eyes, sighed. “Okay.”

.

Sirius woke to a terrible screeching noise. It was Walburga shouting at him at the top of her voice.

“Get out! Get the hell out of this house, you disgusting-”

Sirius sat up to find his mother dragging Regulus out of the bed.

“What’s going on?” Sirius asked blearily.

“What’s going on?! What’s going on, you ask? You besmirched the name of your Ancestors, you molested your brother -”

“I did what?” Sirius asked, shocked.

“You have ten minutes to take whatever you want from your room and get out! I won’t have it anymore. Your disrespect toward this family was one thing, but sleeping with your brother -”

“ _He_  climbed into  _my_  bed!”

“You are nearly an adult and you should have put a stop to this. Don’t think I don’t see how you look at him -”

“I have never touched him!” Sirius shouted, enraged.

“But you would have eventually, I know it. You like his attention, you encouraged him!

“Mother, Sirius didn’t -” said Regulus, tugging her arm.

“Regulus, go back to your room. This is between me and Sirius.”

“But -”

“I SAID GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM THIS INSTANT!” Walburga yelled at the top of her voice, manhandling Regulus out the door. Sirius jumped up and was about to push her off Regulus when she raised her wand. “And you,” she said coldly, “have eight minutes. Don’t think I won’t curse you.”

“But you are my mother,” Sirius said numbly. He backed away.

“Not anymore. You only brought shame to this name ever since I can remember. Your sorting into Gryffindor, the friends you keep – Blood traitors and half-bloods, your behaviour at school, your scorn toward our family friends, your disregard of our centuries old traditions… I’ve had enough! You are not my son. You can say goodbye to your inheritence. You don’t have to make faces at dinner anymore. I want you to leave and never come back. I don’t want to be associated with you, I don’t want to hear anything more about you. Are you deaf? Pack!”

“Where am I supposed to go?” asked Sirius, still not moving.

“What do I care? You should have thought of that before encouraged an incestuous relationship with your underage brother.”

“What about Father? Doesn’t he have a say in this?” Sirius demanded.

“So if I asked you if you were queer, what would your answer be?”

“W-what?”

“Your little infatuation with the Potter boy notwithstanding, will you in all honesty plan to get married to a Pure-Blood girl and have a male hair in the next five-to-ten years?”

“I- I don’t know,” said Sirius desperately.

“Will you take over the family business?”

“I -”

“I thought so.”

“But -”

“You always considered yourself above us, thought you knew better than your ancestors. You embraced all freaks of nature, Mud-Bloods and Muggles and half-humans and who knows what else, and looked down on your own blood. Blood so pure you don’t deserve it to flow in your veins.”

Sirius glared at her.

“While we are at confession hour, let me tell you one thing, Mother. If you accepted me as I was, I would have ignored all else that was wrong with this family. But you just couldn’t. I was never good enough. I could have been brighter and better looking and well-behaved and I still wouldn’t have been good enough to be your eldest son. You never loved me. You wished for a dream, someone I could never be. You wanted an obedient little boy who would do as he was told, like you order Father around. Well, I was never going to be that. You know, I  _chose_  to be in Gryffindor. The Sorting Hat wanted to put me in Slytherin where all Blacks went, but I told it I wanted to break free of the mold. Now you will have the perfect little heir, and I feel sorry for him, for neither he – nor anyone else - could ever live up to your unreachable expectations and live under your tyranny.”

“Get out! You have five minutes.”

“Fine,” said Sirius furiously. He turned his back on her, grabbed his wand and started to throw clothes and books into his trunk. He took his secret pocket money box and the unfinished version of the Marauder’s Map and stuffed them in the pocket of his jeans. He didn’t really watch what he was putting in after a while, he just felt his hands shake and his eyes burn but he refused to let her see him cry. He pulled on a jumper and his leather jacket and pulled on his jeans and he only had one sneaker on when her voice reached him from downstairs.

“Time’s up. Get out of this house. I won’t repeat myself again.”

Sirius got hold of his only half-full trunk and his other sneaker and left his room. He didn’t look back. Regulus was standing just inside his own room, his eyes wet.

“Regulus, you can come live with me. You can always come to me. I will always consider you my brother, even if I lose the right to call myself that.”

“Sirius, please don’t leave,” Regulus begged, still not stepping outside his door.

“You heard her, she wants me gone and I can’t say that I wish to stay here under these circumstances.”

“Don’t make me come up there and drag you down!” Walburga screeched.

“Please, don’t leave.”

“I have to. But listen, Regulus, I want you to come to me if you need ever need something. I will always welcome you -”

“I’m coming up, Salazar help me and will hex you into oblivion, if you don’t come down here immediately!”

“I have to go -”

“ _Please_ , don’t go!”

“I love you,” said Sirius, embracing his brother hard and kissing his cheeks. They were wet with tears.

And then he was taking the stairs two at a time and ignoring his Mother’s yelling. The entrance door shut behind Sirius with a loud pang. He refused to look back.

.

Typical, Sirius thought. What started as a light shower, by now turned into a downpour. And at present situation Sirius did not dare use magic, lest the Ministry was called on him. So here he was, strolling down a muddy street in the middle of nowhere, soaked to the bone and carrying all his life’s belongings. Bloody Knight bus stopped at the other side of the village.

He trudged up a familiar road, heading toward a lovely family home complete with a flourishing garden and picket fences. He pushed the knocker once and waited.

“Don’t worry, mum, I’ll open it!” a familiar voice yelled. Sirius exhaled. Everything would be all right, James would make it all right.

The door flung open and James Potter’s mouth opened in surprise. “Sirius?” He looked at him closer and dragged him inside. “What happened?”

Sirius gave a hollow bark of a laugh. “You know, funny story, I’ve just been disowned.” James goggled at him. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Of course,” James breathed, hugging Sirius closer. “You can stay as long as you need.”

And then Sirius didn’t know what happened, for he started crying in huge heaving sobs and his body gave way to shock and fear and disbelief. James never stopped holding him.

It was later that day that he was surrounded by three Potters, covered in a warm blanket and holding a cup of camomile tea. He was still in a state of shock.

He had already explained what had happened – without the part abou Regulus having been in his bed – and the Potters told him in no uncertain terms that he could stay with them for the rest of the summer and any following school holiday. They wouldn’t hear any talk of money, insisted they did not need rent from him or any other accomodation costs.

They were so unbelievably understanding, and yet Sirius did not feel in any way pitied. He felt welcome for possibly the first time ever.

“What is your favourite food?” Euphemia Potter asked.

“I couldn’t eat now, I’m sorry,” breathed Sirius, trying to wipe his face clean.

“He loves meat,” James supplied.

“Excellent. I’ll make some lovely veal, so that later when you feel hungry, you can have some.”

“You really shouldn’t. I don’t want to impose. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here and disturb -” Sirius said, standing up.

James pushed him back into the sofa by the shoulders. “Shut up, Sirius. You are not only a guest here, but a second son. I’m older than you, so what I say, goes.” Sirius grinned through his spilling tears.

“James is right. I want you to feel at home here. We are happy to have you. You are no stranger to us, we have watched you grow up alongside our son. You were a friend to James through the years, through good and bad things. We welcome you with open arms and only ask you to trust us to treat you like any loving family would. Come here.”

Sirius looked at Fleamont Potter. Looked at his kind, wisened face and his actual open arms, and went to him. He embraced his new family.

“Welcome home, son.” Sirius started to cry again. This time it was from happiness. Hope.

.

James bumped shoulders with Sirius. He was trying his best to push Sirius’ trunk onto the rails of the back of Platform 9 ¾ , only Sirius wasn’t letting him.

“Just a few more minutes and I will see Evans again.”

“Not this again,” Sirius groaned.

“What? Do you mean to imply I’m getting repetitive?” said James, mock hurt.

“Oh yeah, you know. Her hair is like the fiery reins of hell…”

“I never said anything like that. How dare you?! Her hair is like a warm sunset on a summer day -”

“ _Don’t_ , mate. I get it, you  _lurve_  her. You want to have her green eyed, freckled babies -” Sirius stopped. It was the girl from Cokeworth, the one Padfoot overheard Snape arguing with. She was glaring at someone further up ahead, and sure enough there was Snape, dragging his trunk up the Hogwarts Express. The girl said something to a middle-aged couple whose faces Sirius couldn’t properly see and left with with an angry huff. Sirius was bewildered. So the girl had either left Hogwarts before Sirius started or she never went there. But what did Snape have to do with her and that other girl, whoever that was?

“Sirius,” said James urgently.

“Mhm?” asked Sirius, looking after the horse-faced girl. “You can see Evans?”

“No. Um, I can see… your brother.” Sirius looked up so fast he was surprised his neck didn’t break. Sure enough, they were there. Not only Regulus, but Walburga with Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy. Sirius felt the second Walburga spotted him, but the next moment she was studiously looking elsewhere like he hurt her eyes. Sirius swore loudly. James took him by the elbow and dragged him toward the train and away from his former family.

.

It soon turned out that everyone seemed to know about Sirius’ predicament. Some were saying he tried to murder his grandmother and that was the reason he was disowned, others congratulated him on his rebellious act of leaving through his window on a flying carpet. James talked him down from hexing a fourth year after the boy had announced to a whole compartment that Sirius was a vampire.

“I will take a bite out of him,” growled Sirius. He shrugged James’ restraining hand off of him. “I have to go to the loo.” He started down the corridor.

“Already threatening people? The school year hasn’t even started, Black,” said a snide voice. Sirius turned around.

“Oh,  _you_. What do you want?”

“Me? I don’t  _want_  anything,” Snape replied. However his tone contradicted his words. He had  _that look_.

Sirius considered Snape. He looked up and down the corridor and nodded his head in the direction of the toilet.

“Really?” Snape sneered.

“Unless you don’t want to…?”

“My my, your standards have fallen -” Before he could say anything more, Sirius was gripping Snape by the arms of his robes.

“You don’t want to finish that sentence.” Snape didn’t look threatened, in fact, he was smirking maliciously at Sirius.

“Why don’t you apply all that agression toward more useful actions instead throwing empty words at me?”

Sirius grabbed Snape by the wrist before anyone could see them together and shut the door to the loo after them.

.

“Sirius, where the hell did you disappear to?” James demanded.

Sirius patted down his breast pocket, still feeling the place of the hickey Snape had placed there.

“Margaret Davis. She grew some boobs over the summer.”

“You spied on her while she was changing?” Wormtail asked eagerly. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“No, I  _talked_  to her. Her having a prominent cleavage was just a side observation.”

Remus was unsubtly sniffing the air. Sirius reminded himself to  _always_  Charm away his and Snape’s combined scent. Well, if there were to be a future occasions. Sirius thought it very likely.

.

“I’m so bored,” Sirius moaned tragically.

“Well, I stopped asking whether you would like to test me on Charms after you nearly took my head off,” Remus replied.

“I can’t believe you managed to get ten passing OWLs! My mum would have probably bought me a Nimbus if I got that many…”

“Wormtail,” hissed James, glaring at Peter pointedly.

Sirius waved it off. “You don’t have to be walking on dragonshells around me, I’m not that fragile you know. My dear Mother wouldn’t have been proud of me even if I made it to Minister of Magic.”

“You can still make it,” said Remus, convinced.

“Thanks Moony, but politics is even more boring than school from what I heard.”

“No secret corridors and disappearing rooms,” James added mournfully.

“Speaking of those, when are we getting back on the Marauder’s Map project?” Sirius asked.

“I still need to ask Flitwick about that Tracking Charm we want to modify to have everyone’s names appear,” said Remus.

“So what’s a bloke to do to entertain himself these days?” demanded Sirius.

“There’s Snivellus.” Peter nodded at Snape eating his lunch alone at the Slytherin table.

“Don’t even start, Wormtail,” said James, looking at Sirius’ profile. “I trust you remember last semester when Sirius got bored and chose Snape to entertain himself…”

Sirius got a smaller coughing fit in order to avoid James’ eyes. If his best friend only knew all the ways Sirius had Snape entertain him during summer…

“Don’t forget that Sirius barely avoided being expelled,” Remus reminded Peter.

“So… no Snape baiting?”

“Nobody said that,” replied Sirius. “I wouldn’t stop you from having fun at all. But, I might have to  _play_   _nice_  for a while until things die down.” The image of him and Snape rutting against each other on the train flashed before his eyes. Play nice, indeed.

.

“You are late.”

Sirius looked up from where he was trying to get enough air into his lungs from running too fast, straight into Snape’s cold black eyes. They were standing just outside a greenhouse.

“You said half past ten. It’s ten twenty-nine.”

“I said quarter past and your clock is running late, since it’s thirty-two,” said Snape.

“The point is, I’m here. So let’s use this time well,” Sirius answered, advancing on Snape.

He was stopped almost immediately, after a push to the chest Sirius drew back.

“Not here,” said Snape in a soft voice. “Lots of students use this place to meet up.”

“What was the purpose of us meeting here, then?”

“I meant, we should go  _inside_.”

“Greenhouses do it for you, really?” asked Sirius doubiously. Snape didn’t answer, instead he took his wand and spelled the door open, then pulled Sirius inside by the elbow. “I can’t promise I won’t be loud and we both know there might be Mandrakes ready to scream their heads off in here.”

“Then I will just have to stuff your stupid mouth with something and keep you properly busy,” said Snape swiftly.

“And did your cunning plan involve me swallowing your dick?” whispered Sirius into Snape’s ear. He felt Snape’s body shiver under his hands.

“I was thinking more along the lines of pushing your head into a worktable and fucking you from behind, but your idea also has its merits.” Sirius moaned loudly at Snape’s words. “You really want it, don’t you? You are a right little bitch for my cock, aren’t you, Black?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Struck a nerve, have I?” Snape considered Sirius’ face. “Very well then. Get on your knees.”

“Only if you promise not to call me that.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. See, I have a feeling that you will happily kneel for me even without me agreeing to anything.”

Sirius stared at Snape mulishly.

“You are wasting both of our time. I have no intention of using your first name. What’s more, I don’t believe you really want me to stop calling you Black. You get off on being called that.”

Sirius scoffed, but did not contradict Snape. He got down on his knees, avoiding Snape’s knowing eyes.

“Good,” said Snape, gripping Sirius’ jaw. He turned Sirius’ face up toward him. “Now open that eager mouth for me… Very good.”

Sirius closed his eyes, concentrating only on Snape’s sure voice. He mouthed Snape’s groin through the layers of cloak and underclothes.

“You are so very eager to put your lips on me, aren’t you?” Snape murmured. Sirius keened in answer. He felt Snape’s finger stroke down on his upper lip, then the finger was withdrawn. He heard Snape whisper an incantation to open the long row of buttons on his robes and then there was a whisper of clothes falling. Sirius groaned as Snape gripped him by his hair, pulling Sirius’ face where he wanted it. Sirius inhaled a deep, excited breath, his nostrils filling with Snape’s secret scent, so enticing and heady.

“Suck me, Black.”

Sirius did just that. He put his lips around Snape’s girth – the action thrilling and overwhelming at the same time. He withdrew. Kissed the crown. Mouthed around the underside of Snape’s cock along the prominent vein. Snape gave the slightest of shudder – a win in Sirius’ eyes. Snape had a habit of hiding his reactions as much as he could, but sometimes he let out these little whispers of a sound, letting Sirius know how very affected he was. These little inadvertent reactions were what made it all worth it. Sirius practically lived for these little shudders and hisses.

“Stop playing around,” growled Snape. “Make me come.”

Sirius glanced up at Snape, his eyes twinkling. He swallowed, made his throat ready for a bit of deep throating. “Your wish is my command.”

.

“Sirius!”

“Hmm?” he asked, re-focusing his eyes on the present. Lately he had been having quite a lot of flashbacks to his one-on-one times with Snape.

“What’s going on with you?” James asked frowning. He was lounging in one of the armchairs in the Gryffindor common room.

“What do you mean?”

“Something’s different about you.”

“Really?” drawled Sirius. “Maybe it’s me having been disowned or I don’t know, classes being so bloody boring lately.”

“We are not in class. I was just telling you something.”

“Was it about Evans? But then you really can’t blame me for not listening…”

“No, it wasn’t about Lily. And fuck you, I will get her to date me some day and I will make you my best man just out of spite so that you will have to listen to me write odes about her. No, I wanted to ask you… who’s the girl?”

“What?” yelped Sirius. “There is no girl. Why would you even think that there’s one?”

“Lately your head has been somewhere else. And well, you never really told me about your summer,” said James.

“And your brilliant conclusion is that I met someone?”

“Well, didn’t you?”

Sirius had a fraction of a second long debate inside his head. “Fine. There was someone.”

“I knew it!” shouted James. Several people turned toward the two of them.

“Keep your voice down. I don’t want this to get out.” At James puzzled expression, Sirius added, “Not that there’s anything going on anymore. It was just a summer fling. Not important.”

“Yet here we are four months later with you thinking about her.”

“I wasn’t thinking about her. I mean, just parts of… her anatomy. Our collective anatomies, so to say,” Sirius told his best friend. In his head, only one important part of Snape’s anatomy was playing like a film.

James grinned at Sirius knowingly, then he pouted. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you’ve had sexual intercourse!”

“If I knew you were going to call it sexual intercourse I would have been even less likely to tell you.”

“So, how was it?” James asked eagerly. Sirius groaned.

“I’m not telling you. It’s… intimate.”

“You  _like her_  like her!” James said rather loudly. A few girls sitting nearby started to whisper among themselves, excited.

“I told you, it was  _nothing_.”

“Come off it. It must have been good if you can’t stop thinking about it.”

Sirius’ lips twitched. “Okay. Fine. It was bloody good. I had bloody amazing sex and I can’t fucking stop thinking about it over and over again,” he found himself saying, trying to keep his voice relatively low.

James punched him in the shoulder hooting. Sirius’ grin widened.

“Well?”

“Tell me about her, tell me all about this girl!”

Sirius chose his words carefully. “Let’s just say there was at least this one good thing about my stay at Snape’s…”

James gave a noise of surprise, coming to the conclusion Sirius wanted him to come to. “She is a Muggle?”

“Yep. So it wouldn’t lead anywhere anyway. But at least I learned a thing or two during the summer vacation.”

“Wow,” said James. “I’m still stunned that you failed to flaunt it in front of me. We’ve been talking about losing our virginities since our third year.”

Sirius considered his friend. “Are you jealous?”

James shrugged. “I just thought… It doesn’t matter. Remember our oath to have sex at the same time for the first time so we could discuss it right afterward?”

“That was a long time ago. I thought you would be proud of me.” Sirius thought of all the times he wished his first time  _was_   _with_ James.

“Of course I am, mate,” said James, getting all earnest. “But you know you can tell me everything, I won’t judge you even if… even if she isn’t a looker.”

Sirius started to laugh. “Sometimes… other physical attributes can distract you from an unfortunate looking face.”

“Nice tits, huh?” James asked winking. Sirius just shook his head in disbelief.

“Arse,” he said after a pause. “Nice arse.”

James pondered over this, then ended up nodding wisely. “Understandable. I like Lily’s…”

“ _Of course_  you do, Prongs. You are so far gone on that girl, it’s not even funny anymore.”

“If only I knew how to make her like me,” said James with a sigh.

.

The opportunity to get to closer to Evans came from an unexpected source. And the subject of said opportunity unfortunately turned out not to be James Potter, but Sirius.

“Please take a seat next to your partner,” said Minerva McGonagall on a gloomy November day. “And no changing partners,” she added, seeing how Sirius was about to protest.

“But -”

“Sit down where you are, Mr. Black. And get to work. Please decide what your Transfigurations project is going to be about by the end of class.”

“I would say, sorry to disappoint you, but I hear you got an ‘O’ on your Transfigurations OWL,” said Lily Evans. Sirius sat down next to her without looking at James’ crestfallen expression. He’d rather be paired with Peter than having to spend a considerable amount of his free time with Evans in the next few months.

“So did you,” Sirius pointed out.

“Look, Black, we don’t have to be friends to get this project done, but I expect you to behave yourself –”

“Meaning?” asked Sirius, raising his voice.

“You don’t like me. That’s fine. I don’t particularly like you either. But for the sake of getting decent marks on our end of year project I would appreciate if you didn’t try to sabotage our work because of our differences.”

“You clearly don’t know me well, Evans. I don’t care about you in any way. I certainly don’t care enough to try anything nor would I be so stupid as to mess up my grades because of… whatever feelings I may have toward you.”

“Good. Because I heard about your prank last year and the consequent punishment and I would hate to go to Dumbledore if anything were to go wrong with this project.” All this Lily said with a neutral face but Sirius could tell she meant it. His dislike of her has just grown exponentially.

“I will never understand how some people still see you just as a naive little girl,” said Sirius softly. “You should have Sorted into Slytherin, you know. You would have fit in there just fine.”

“Aside from me being a filthy little Mudblood, sure, I’d fit in.”

“I… didn’t mean it like that.”

“And I don’t care about you, Black. So, let’s just concentrate on the project, okay?”

“Fine by me.”

“Any thoughts as to what topic our research should be focussed on?”

“Actually, yes. I had an idea…”

.

The following months found Sirius sitting in the library most nights of the school week with none other than Lily Evans. They never brought up their different views again and acted as polite toward the other as possible. The theme of the project however turned out to be quite the advanced one and thus required them to spend a lot of time doing after-school work.

“Professor Dumbledore makes it seem so easy, finding the traces of magical imprints at random places. There is just so little information on the subject.”

“Well, at least we know there is a certain way to recognize the remains of Transfigured objects when the Invisibility spell had been taken off of them. But finding the particular style of magical trace seems tricky.”

“We could ask Dumbledore how he does it,” said Lily desparately.

Sirius banged his head against the wooden table in frustration. “Do you volunteer to ask him yourself?”

Lily closed her book with a snap. “This is impossible. We are wasting our time -”

Time! Sirius got up so suddenly from his chair it turned over with a loud bang. Snape was going to kill him if he was late again. Or worse, fail to show up next time…

“I have to go -”

“What? No, you can’t, Sirius! We are so behind everyone else in class on this project.”

“I’m meeting someone and I can’t cancel. Sorry.”

“No, you are not sorry.”

“Fine, I’m not. But I will think about magical traces tomorrow, I promise,” Sirius told Lily, grabbing his bag.

“Say hello to your someone for me,” said Lily. Sirius turned around in shock. “What? It’s obvious you have a girlfriend you keep meeting every other day.”

“It’s not -”

“I honestly don’t care. Go, if you have to. I will see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see you. And thanks.”

.

Fifteen minutes later Sirius had his pants around his ankles and Snape was pounding into him at fast pace.

“I told you not to be late,” Snape growled into his ear. His hands were gripping Sirius’ hips like talons.

“I wouldn’t have been was it not for this stupid Transfigurations subject we were working on -”

“Shut up,” hissed Snape, pushing so far into Sirius he thought he could feel him in his whole body.

“I keep telling her -”

“I said  _shut up_ ,” said Snape, seemingly angrier still. Sirius didn’t get it. Whenever the Transfigurations project was brought up Snape went violent and cold. There were plenty of worse partners than Frank Longbottom, Sirius thought.

“What will you do about it? Will you punish me like the bad boy I am?”

Snape didn’t reply. Instead his right palm moved so that it was covering Sirius’ mouth. It was hard to breath suddenly. Snape was still moving, his chest flat against Sirius’ back, his cock moving in and out of Sirius and his left hand twirling Sirius’ nipple in a painfully erotic way.

“I want you to… do you know what I want you to do, Black?”

“You want…” Sirius’ voice was muffled against Snape’s fingers.

“Say it!”

“… come for me,” Sirius groaned.

“That’s right. I order you to come for me.” And Sirius did almost right away.

 

After, Snape asked, “Same time Friday?”

“Uh, I can’t.”

“Found yourself a new prospect?” Snape scoffed.

“No, it’s a full moon,” Sirius told him pointedly.

“I ask again, did you find yourself a new-old prospect?” Snape sneered.

“Jealous much?”

“I can’t say I’m too surprised bestiality gets you hot and bothered. We both know you like it hard and dirty.”

“Don’t worry, not even werewolves have dicks as freakishly big as yours. See you on Sunday.”

.

Sirius was doodling on the side of a parchment. He was happy to finally have a bit of peace without James’ nagging. His friend has been after him to get Sirius to talk to Lily on James’ behalf. There was no way to get through his thick head that Lily needed to be left alone to come to the conclusion that James was a decent human being without anyone forcing her into thinking it.

“What are you drawing?” asked Remus, popping up beside Sirius, who gave a start. He crumpled the parchment in his fist.

“Uh, nothing. I was just trying out new combinations of swear words.” In truth, his doodles looked good imitations of Snape’s cartoony manhood. Remus nodded at Sirius.

“Did you have any luck in the dungeons yesterday?”

“Why?” asked Sirius, startled. No one was supposed to know he ran into Snape‘by accident’.

“If I remember correctly, you volunteered to check out the dungeon corridor for the Map.”

“Oh,  _that_. Yes, I did it. No secret staircases leading down under the lake as far as I could tell. We can do the third floor next, just as planned.”

“That’s good. Peter said he went over the seventh floor corridor and there wasn’t anything of notice.”

“Is it prudent to let him do it alone?” asked Sirius. Remus looked down at Sirius, with an exasperated little smile.

“We can go over it again together if you would feel better about it.”

“I just meant to say, Peter is not the best wizard when it comes to concentration.”

“It’s fine, we can go up there after the ball.”

“The what?”

“The Spring Ball, Sirius. How do you not know about it? I would have thought a dozen girls already asked you to take them.”

Sirius thought about it. He recalled something about a dance, but to be honest, he had forgotten all about it. He had no intention of taking any girl. He told as much to Remus.

“I clearly remember you bragging about your superiour dancing skills not a week ago.”

Sirius smirked at Remus. “But I don’t want any witch to think they tamed me. I’m a wild stallion.”

“Planning on going stag, then?”

“I want to see all my options there,” said Sirius. “What about you? Have you asked anyone? I always see Marlene McKinnon eyeing you hopefully.”

“Er – no, I don’t think I will go at all. It will be three days after the full moon. I will still be sore and tired.”

“Seems like all of us are going stag then or did Wormtail find a bird?” Sirius asked. He doubted any girl in their right mind would go with Peter.

“Yeah, he asked that Hufflepuff fifth year, Nora Bridley and she agreed.”

“She’s the one with the lazy eye, isn’t she?”

“Nora is a very nice girl,” said Remus disapprovingly. To Sirius’ eyeroll, he just shook his head. Remus was such an old man.

“Assuming James gets his head out of his arse and asks Evans, and she by some miracle agrees, we could go together.”

“All right,” said Remus, blushing. Sirius acted as if he didn’t notice. He knew his friend had feelings for him other than just simple friendship, but Sirius never acknowledged them. He was kind of hoping Remus would get over those feelings with time.

“I just want to get drunk on mulled wine and tease everybody mercilessly.”

“Don’t you do that every day of the week already?” asked Remus. Sirius only swatted at him in answer.

.

“I’m proud of you, mate.” Sirius clapped James on the shoulder. “A bit last minute if you ask me with just two days to go until the ball. But my question is, did you resort to using Confundo after all?”

James turned his head toward Sirius indignantly. “No, I didn’t. I stopped McGonagall from falling down when she stumbled over that disappearing stair and Lily happened to be standing a few steps away. So I asked her right there with McGonagall clutching my elbow. She couldn’t just say no in front of her Head of House.”

“Accidental luck then.”

“It was bound to happen one day.” James considered his trunk full of wrinkled clothes. “But what will I do about my dress robes? I don’t know any decent ironing spell.”

“I think the state of your hair is a much more acute problem.” James scowled at Sirius in answer. They both knew James’ hair was impossible to tame.

“I told dad in my latest letter that Sleekeazy’s failed me personally, but he just laughed at me and said the right girl will not care if I look like a hedgehog.”

“You have to give it to him though, Evans almost never faulted your hair, it was mostly your inflated ego if I recall…”

“You are a terrible friend, Padfoot,” said James in disdain. “Maybe you would be more understanding if you asked that girl you met during summer hols.”

“She would never agree. Kind of hates anything to do with fun,” Sirius told him. He had hinted at going to the Ball together or at least meeting up later in front of Snape who only stared at him in utter disbelief and left without saying a word on the subject. It was a stupid idea to begin with. Preposterous even.

“She does? Doesn’t sound like a girl you would like. In fact she sounds just like Petunia, Lily’s sister.”

“The Muggle?”

“Yes.” James raised his eyebrows in question. “But Lily’s family lives in Cokeworth, so -”

“What?! You never told me that you’ve been at her place,” said Sirius in complete shock. It couldn’t be…

“I did a bit of digging and found out where she lives and then took a Muggle train to see for myself.”

“What does her sister look like?” asked Sirius, fearing the answer.

“Er – longish face, thin, brunet.”

“Like a horse?”

James glared at Sirius, but then nodded. “She was at Platform 9 ¾ in September the beginning of this school year.”

Sirius sat down heavily, processing this information. Snape had been to see Petunia several times, when in fact he was looking for someone else. Lily.

Sirius knew Snape and Lily had been friends even before arriving to Hogwarts, but it had never occured to him to consider where they knew each other from. They must have grown up together in Cokeworth, maybe the only two magical children in the village. And when James hanged Snape upside down in front of her and Snape called Lily a Mudblood he must have regretted it later, losing her as a friend. Snape didn’t have many of those, and none in Cokeworth.

“Sirius?” asked James tentatively. Sirius looked up, faking a smile.

“I’m fine. Just trying to figure out how a pretty girl like Lily can share the genes with someone like Petunia.” James seemed satisfied with the answer for he pulled out a dark red dress robe from his trunk. “That would clash horribly with Lily’s hair,” Sirius said conversationally. James dropped the robe like it burnt.

“Aren’t you getting dressed?”

“On a range of one to hundred, how many points do you think McGonagall would take from Gryffindor if I ditched the dress robes and put on my leather jacket and ripped jeans?”

“Five hundred?”

Sirius grunted. “Fine. I’ll throw on my dress robes downstairs. My hair is fabulous already so I think I’m good.”

James grinned at Sirius. He tried several charms to flatter his hair with little success. “I will pick Lily up in the common room at six. Will you come with us?”

“I don’t think so, mate. I will try to spike the punch before any teacher could catch me at it. Meet you later?”

“Yup. If you don’t see me it’s because I cut my head off while trying to make my hair stand straight.”

“The upside would be you joining the Headless Hunt,” Sirius told James. “Well, I’m off.”

“Good luck with the punch!”

“I don’t need it!”

.

Sirius had no intention of going to the Great Hall. He would go find Snape right away. And he suspected he knew the place where to find him. He was correct of course in assuming Snape would be working on his Transfigurations project, attempting to brew a Tranfiguration Potion that would work the same way as a basic shape-changing spell. It was rewarding to know Snape trusted Sirius enough to tell him about his idea for the project. Walking alongside the corridor leading toward the Potions classroom Sirius could smell the Potion whose smell he had grown familiar with over the last few weeks. Sirius knew he came at the right time because the final stages of brewing this particular concoction involved adding ground lemongrass and the itch in his nose told him it was present in the air.

“What are you doing here? I would have assumed you would be long past inebriated by now,” said Snape. He did not look happy to see Sirius, but then again he never did.

“I wanted to talk.”

“Talk?” sneered Snape. “Is that the Gryffindor word for fucking nowadays?”

“No, I really wanted to talk,” said Sirius, stepping inside.

“You might as well get out then.”

“Fine. Sex first, talk after.” Sirius stalked up to Snape, so their faces were inches apart.

“Get down on your hands and knees,” said Snape softly, but intently.

“What, here?”

“The floor is not good enough for precious Sirius Black now? Maybe I changed my mind about fucking you.”

Sirius swore and stopped Snape from pulling away. He kicked off his trousers and underwear, then got to his hands and knees on the teacher’s desk. Snape watched him with glittering eyes. He made short work of his own clothes and soon he was moving inside Sirius, his balls slapping against Sirius’ arse. Sirius keened. Snape’s right hand wandered up to brush against Sirius’ windpipe in a threatening way.

“Fuck me harder!”

“Say please.”

“I won’t.”

“Then I will just… stop,” murmured Snape. His hips stilled, half-pulling out. Sirius hissed in annoyance.

“Fuck me harder, please. I’m begging you. I need to feel you…” Even to his own ear, Sirius sounded wrecked.

“That’s right, Black. You need it, you crave it, you can’t go without it.” Snape punctuated every word with a merciless push. His left hand was hovering over Sirius’ side, not quite touching.

“Yes!”

“You are addicted to it, aren’t you?”

“I am,” breathed Sirius, pushing his hips back into Snape, changing the angle a bit. He saw stars suddenly.

“So desperate,” Snape teased. “So needy and weak for it…”

Sirius moaned his agreement. He would die if Snape stopped before he could come.

“I’m so close.”

“I know you are, I can feel you all around me gripping me hard,” said Snape in a silky voice. “You want it real bad…”

“I do. Please, do it harder. You know how.”

Snape did not do it harder. Instead he pulled Sirius’ upper body back into Snape’s chest, his hand an iron rod against Sirius’ heart.

“Come for me.”

Sirius came all over his own belly and Slughorn’s desk. Snape spilled inside him not a minute later. It took another five for Snape to pull out. Sirius winced.

“Put on your clothes,” said Snape, throwing at him his newly wrinkled dress robes. “You forgot to lock the door.”

“I was in a hurry,” Sirius replied, in the process of putting on his trousers. It was then the door creaked open.

“Oh, sorry -” said Lily Evans. Time stood still for long seconds. Lily obviously tried to avoid looking at either of them, then when it was apparent nobody would say anything, she hurried out of the classroom. Sirius glanced at Snape, who looked like he froze with his fingers still working to finish buttoning his cloak. Sirius’ heart pounded inside his chest. But then he thought,  _you are a Gryffindor, you can do this_. He caught up to Lily in the corridor.

“This is not what you think. A Potion spilled out. There was nothing really.”

“I wasn’t thinking anything. But if I was, denying the nothing would make it into _something_ ,” said Lily.

“Absolutely nothing. I mean besides long-standing mutual hatred.”

“I might’ve believed you if I hadn’t seen you two in the summer.”

“What -”

“Once I came by Spinner’s End to return something, but there you two were playing chess.” She sighed. “I don’t care what’s going on with you and Sev – I mean Snape. Just a slight warning not to get in over your head. He has a way of getting under your skin…”

“Your worry is truly touching, Evans, but I know what I’m doing.”

“You better hope you do.” She left without a backward glance.

When Sirius went back inside the classroom the air seemed chilly. Snape had his hands in fists and his eyes looked wild, crazy even.

“It’s fine. She doesn’t care.” It was the wrong thing to say apparently for Snape threw himself at Sirius, shaking him by his upper arms like a madman.

“Fine? Fine?! We are _done_.”

“What do you mean‘we are done’?”

“I’m done with you for good. I don’t ever want to see or speak to you or even look at you again! Done!” Snape shouted.

“What’s your problem? She won’t say anything to anybody about what she might have seen. She doesn’t care enough -”

“Shut you mouth! We are done, I won’t pretend anymore. I won’t pretend for anyone’s sake, I won’t tolerate you any longer.”

“Tolerate me? You liked it, you loved the sex, don’t even try to deny it, Snape!”

“I loved that you were at my mercy! I liked to hear you beg, I liked to see you humiliated just like you deserved.”

“I don’t understand,” said Sirius softly, looking into Snape’s eyes.

“Don’t you? Then you are even more stupid than I ever imagined, Black. You _humiliated_ me for years, tortured and abused me in front of others…”

“I love you. And I think you love me back.”

Snape’s eyes widened, then the side of his mouth curled up maliciously. “You are  _delusional_ , Black. I despise you from the bottom of my heart. I will never forget that you had tried to kill me. I won’t deny that using you all these months was amusing to some extent, but you should have never for a second have thought I had feelings for you other than revulsion. I will always remember you kneeling on the dirty floor begging to suck my cock, asking me to fuck you harder, faster so that you would feel it for days. That was my revenge. But knowing that you somehow deluded yourself into thinking there was anything other than unresolved physical tension between us, that there might even be affection?” Snape chuckled coldly, incredulously. “Never. You belonged on that floor begging for a fuck and you know it. Your parents knew it. Mark my word, you haven’t hit rock bottom. Your path leads you to the deepest bowels of hell. Down with murderers.”

“Your crowd then.” Snape smiled, letting Sirius go. So Sirius said the only thing he could that he knew would rattle Snape. “What about Lily?”

Snape went still right as a board, his face becoming like a white statue. “What about her?”

“You resent me for ruining your supposed friendship with her, don’t you, Snape?”

“You don’t know what you are talking about,” Snape answered coldly.

“But it was all your fault, really. I didn’t force you to call her the M word. You did it all by yourself. You did it because you wanted to, you called her a Mudblood because that’s what you think of her really.”

“Shut up!” roared Snape, pulling out his wand. Sirius’ smile grew and he just crossed his arms over his chest in satisfaction, knowing he struck a nerve.

“I followed you, you know. Seen you repeatedly go to her house and beg to see her. So who’s pathetic now? And did you hear she said yes to James and they are going together to the ball? If your chances were bad before, imagine how bad they will be after he’s had his way with her…”

Snape sent a Stinging hex at Sirius, who let him. It was nothing to endure compared to how his insides were feeling.

“She would never… she hates Potter.”

“You really don’t know her, do you? She fancies him like all girls do. Lily just wants to seem different to annoy James.”

“She  _is_  different.”

Sirius’ eyes widened in comprehension. “You like her.”

“You just realized this now?” sneered Snape.

“No, you  _love_  her,” said Sirius knowing he was right. “That’s why -”

“Oh, no. You’ve got it all wrong, Black. I wouldn’t return your feelings even if you were the very last person on Earth.”

“You are jealous of James because deep down you realize it’s only a matter of time before they get together -”

“Like you are? Don’t think I missed how unnaturally fond of Potter you are. Some would say it’s unhealthy, and certainly nothing a friend would behave like.”

“How would you even know? You don’t have any friends.”

“But Potter obviously doesn’t return your attraction, and you have no interest in the werewolf’s affections. Maybe your brother -”

“Don’t -” said Sirius, taking a step toward Snape.

“What’s the matter? Did incest only interest you until it counted, but now that you are not officially related you no longer wish to fuck him?”

Sirius bristled. It was one thing for Snape to insult Sirius, but completely another to make insinuations about Regulus.

“Let’s go back to Lily for a second. Your big‘love’,” said Sirius. “You really fucked up royally, you know. She even likes me more than you and she has fucking hated my guys for the better part of six years. And now she will start going out with James and knowing James they will end up married and have half a dozen green eyed kids with freckles and unruly hair -”

Snape slashed into the air, but Sirius was faster and ducked from the curse.

“- and you’ll be watching from the sidelines, forever regretting your actions, maybe even regret breaking it off with me.”

“You  _wish_.”

“You will have a miserable life.”

“Oh, that may all be true, but I know where you will be, Sirius Black. You will be watching it from the sidelines as well. You will try to act happy for Potter for a while, but with time you will distance yourself from the happy family, maybe start drinking or using potions. You won’t have a family. Your friends will grow out of their prankster phase and there you will be all alone, hating yourself, hating them for abandoning you. Beauty wanes, friendships disappear, but knowing you, you will stay the same, because you are so conceited you think you are perfect and don’t need to change your behaviour. You are doomed, Black.”

“Right.  _Right_ ,” said Sirius. He forced a smile on his face. He looked at the finished batch of Potion and felt the need to push it off the table. He ended up doing nothing. Just walked out of that classroom, still smelling of Snape and lemongrass fume, and tried to put several floors between himself and Severus Snape. At an abandoned girl’s bathroom he had a major breakdown. He thought he was having a panic attack, just trying to get enough air into his lungs and looking into the mirror, not really recognizing himself. After splashing several handfuls of water on his face he felt somewhat better. It felt like his soul was floating high above and looking down at his body like they were two separate things. His heart was still beating a mile a minute, but his head seemed clearer somehow. Shock did that to you. And he knew just the right solution: get as drunk as possible.

.

The‘getting drunk as a skunk’ mission was well on its way. Frank Longbottom had a bottle of Ogden’s to share and someone already spiked the punch before Sirius could get to it. The ball was in full swing, students and teachers dancing in springtime colours, others watching from the small tables on the sides wishing for someone to ask them to dance. Sirius gulped down his fifth glass of punch with distaste. His head felt no longer clear, nor his vision. He could easily spot Peter with the Hufflepuff girl, because they were both wearing garishly yellow robes. With a bit of searching his eyes found James too. He was looking at Lily like he still couldn’t quite believe he was holding her in his arms. Sirius turned away.

He had trouble walking in a straight line and bumped in someone.

“Watch where you are going,” said an indignant voice Sirius knew too well. Regulus. Sirius pushed past his brother, only barely registering his surprised, “Oh, you…”.

The first floor corridor leading to the Hospital Wing was luckily empty. Sirius snuck inside without a problem.

Only one bed was occupied in the Infirmary and it had Remus Lupin in it. Sirius flung himself on said bed which in turn woke Remus up.

“Sirius,” he said groggily. “What are you doing here?”

Sirius kissed him. He pushed his lips against Remus’ and tried to put tongue action there as well, but Remus pushed him away.

“What do you think you are doing?” Remus demanded, sitting up. Sirius thought of all the times James and Regulus and sometimes Snape told him about Remus’ little crush on him. He just wanted to stop feeling so empty.

“Do you want this or not?” whispered Sirius. There was a pause.

“You know I do.”

“Good. Then let’s do this,” said Sirius and attacked Remus with his mouth again.

.

Sirius supposed this was how good relationships worked. Two people who loved each other, got on really well and had fairly good sex. Easy enough. But Sirius has never had a decent example of a working relationship to go by so it seemed weird to him. See the thing was, the one time he asked Remus to call him‘slut’ in bed, Remus had gone very still and looked at him uncomprehendingly. Sirius never asked him again. He guessed this was a completely different dynamic than the one he had going with Snape.

He and Remus spent hours just kissing in the dorm to James’ rapidly growing annoyance. To be fair, they had already spent the whole summer sneaking off to abandoned broomsheds, James’ room, to the bushes and all other hiding places just to make out, while James bemoaned the lack of fun they were having and also the lack of red-headed angels in the village. At the end of their sixth year Lily Evans left James hanging. She replied to no owls sent to her which led James to believe his terrible dancing was what drove her away completely. Sirius refused to ball dance with him on principle. Lily Evans should have known better. What’s more, it should never have occured to James Potter to ask his best mate to slow dance with him. Marauders didn’t do classical dances, for Merlin’s sake! Theoretically of course Sirius had the knowledge of a professional dancer, but he refused to reveal this shameful thing about himself.

And then the summer ended and the Potters’ broomsheds were exchanged for Hogwarts’ broomclosets and abandoned classrooms – and on occasions, dormroom beds.

“Nope, nope, nope,” said James. He looked like someone who was about to gauge out his own eyes.

“I’m sorry, mate,” Sirius told him barely hiding a self-satisfied smirk.

“I don’t believe you, Moony. Padfoot, I’ve always known was a shameless individual with a liking of flauting one’s bits… but you, Moony, oh how you disappoint me. The room was meant to be sacred territory devoid of inproper activity.”

“Really, so I misheard you having fun with‘little James’ in your bed just this very morning?” demanded Sirius who was lounging in Remus’ dormbed naked.

James didn’t even bat an eyelash. “I don’t bring Lily here and have my way with her so all of you can catch a glimpse…”

“You would bring her if she let you,” Sirius reminded him.

“When she will, you will never fail to see the moons of my arse. I will stop wearing pants all together just to get my revenge.”

“Will you also want to be called Moony?” asked Remus. Sirius grinned at him.

“Ugh, get a room, you two,” moaned James and ran out of the room. Sirius proceeded to jump Remus’ bones.

.

Sirius yawned. He was to have a double Arithmancy class in twenty minutes. And now, instead of spending time with his best mate, he had to watch him make googly-eyes at Evans. They were lucky Sirius didn’t throw up from all that sweetness. After a long-lasting good morning goodbye for now kiss James finally disattached himself.

“Have to go. McGonagall wanted to talk to me about the next Prefect meeting.”

“Be gone, thou, betrayer of mischief makers, I can’t even look at you,” Sirius told him. James blew a kiss to Lily and then one to Sirius.

“Can you believe it? Him, a Headboy?” Sirius said to no one.

“I can’t. I still can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that I am dating said Headboy.”

Sirius looked up. He expected Evans to leave as soon as James did. She and Sirius were yet to have any sort of deep conversation about the things that transpired between them last spring during the ball. Lily kept her promise and never breathed a word to anyone as far as Sirius knew – a fact he very much appreciated but nevertheless felt that she could hold over him at later points in life.

At the Slytherin table a tall, dark haired boy stood up. Sirius turned away, but couldn’t stop his hand from forming a fist.

“You…?”

“Don’t,” said Sirius pointedly, avoiding Lily’s eyes.

“You’re better off with Remus anyway.”

“Shut up!” hissed Sirius before he could stop himself. A few people sitting nearby looked over. Sirius glared at them and silently cursed his temper. Sirius was mostly angry with himself for his first thought being‘no, I’m not better off’. He was a terrible person.

“I see.”

“No, you don’t. So don’t pretend you know the first thing about me.”

“Why are you so angry then, Sirius? Maybe because you are not willing to admit the reality of -”

Sirius stood up and left her before should could finish the sentence. He knew too well what she wanted to say.

.

Sirius was standing with his arms crossed, like he could defend himself from the visuals further up the corridor, but he couldn’t stop himself from staring. He didn’t join in the Snape-baiting and hexing, but he still stood and watched the others doing it. That is, until James broke it up, took away thirty House points and gave detention to three students. Snape being Snape of course left the scene without a word of thanks to James and without a look in Sirius’ direction, yet Sirius somehow felt Snape knew he had been there to witness it. Sirius closed his eyes for a second and slouched against the cold stone wall.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” asked James softly. Sirius startled into wakefulness.

“Hm?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you could handle it alone you being the successful Headboy you proved yourself to be.”

“No. I mean why didn’t you tell me about Snape… and you?”

Sirius looked up at his friend in shock. He was a second too late to cover it up. James was looking at him seriously.

Sirius opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. Cleared his throat. “I couldn’t,” he said finally.

“Because you thought I wouldn’t understand?”

“Because I didn’t understand it myself,” said Sirius, staring at a spidery corner. It’s been over seven months and he felt he still couldn’t have this conversation eye to eye with the person he trusted more than anyone else in his life. “I didn’t want to acknowledge it was a thing. Like if I didn’t talk about it, it didn’t exist. And it was fine… for a while.”

“How long?”

Sirius considered this. “Almost a year.”

James coughed. “You must be joking.”

“I’m Sirius.”

James disregarded this. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just a long time for me not to even notice.”

“Oh, but you did.”

“What- oh, the Muggle girl?”

“Yep.”

“Oh, Padfoot -” James placed a hand on Sirius’ shoulder.

“Please, don’t, Prongs. I couldn’t bear your pity. Not yours.”

“It’s not pity,” said James, he hugged Sirius close. “I just wish you felt you could confide in me so that you didn’t have to do this alone. And I don’t even know what this really was about…”

“Utter madness,” Sirius muttered. He felt how silent tears fell in rivulets on his face. James hugged him stronger still, on the edge of it being painful. It was pain welcome.

“Are you all right?”

“You know, I think I’m starting to be,” sniffed Sirius in contrast with his words. “It would have been utter hell, were it not for…”

“Since the ball, right?” James actually put an arm’s length between them so he could look into Sirius’ eyes. “Whatever went wrong, it was at the Spring ball, wasn’t it?”

Sirius shrugged his shoulders, wiping his face with his cloak.

“Sirius,” said James in his most mature voice. “If you are not fully commited, please break it off with Remus. He doesn’t deserve to get played just because your heart was… well, because someone messed you up.”

“I’m not,” said Sirius with certainty. “I mean, I’m not playing him. I’ve never been happier. I don’t know how I deserved to have somebody like him love me, but I promise I’m not doing this as some kind of revenge…”

“Okay. Good. Because best mate or not, I will hex your dick off if you dare hurt Moony.”

“Duly noted.” Sirius grinned half-heartedly.

“But, Sirius, if you ever feel the need to talk about… anything… even uh, Snape -”

“Don’t -”

“I will be here to listen. And promise not to mock you… too much, anyway.” James clapped Sirius on the shoulder.

“Thanks. But I will never speak of him. Ever, if I can help it.”

“I can hex his dick off if you want?” James offered.

“Yeah, don’t. That was the best part about him.”

James goggled at Sirius, so much so that Sirius ended up chuckling. “You know what I just said about me willing to listen to you talk about anything? Yeah, retracted. Don’t ever talk about…  _that_.”

“Can I at least talk about my boyfriend’s wolfish di-”

“Arrgh!” James yelled, stuffing his ears.

.

Sirius pretended not to know about the times James hexed Snape lately. James did it secretly, knowing that his Headboy status could be put in jeopardy, never telling Sirius. On one hand Sirius still felt the need to tell James not to do it, but could never bring himself to say it in the end. Snape did break Sirius’ heart after all.

.

Time flew by. Soon they were doing their NEWTs and James was preparing his Headboy speech for the Seventh year students.

Sirius wanted time to stop so they could remain in Hogwarts and avoid the cold reality of a country on the brink of war. But the horrible news of death and devastation became regular. Muggle torture and disappearences happened every day.

James and Lily got an enormous applause when their speech about the importance of fighting ended. Sirius eyes wandered over to the Slytherin table. Snape was fiddling with his wand, not paying attention. Or maybe thinking it was already too late for him. Sirius turned back toward his friends.

.

“I can’t believe we are leaving this place for good,” said Frank Longbottom. All of them sitting in the now-small compartment watched as Hogwarts got farther and farther away.

“I won’t miss Peeves for sure,” said Peter. Almost everyone agreed. Sirius shrugged. He didn’t care about Peeves’ antics one way or another.

“Sirius, what are you going to do tomorrow?” asked Frank.

“Start decorating my – er,  _our_  new flat,” Sirius said, winking at Remus. “Maybe look for a Muggle motorbike, get a tattoo. You know, the usual.” People smiled knowingly. He was a known rebel.

“What about you, Potter?”

“Ask Lily to marry me.”

“You – what?!” sputtered Sirius.

“Maybe not tomorrow,” James added. “I still need to find a nice ring. But soon. The war is coming and I want Lily Evans by my side.”

The three girls standing in the doorway aww’d.

“What about me? I thought I was the love of your life?” Sirius demanded.

“Will you be my best man?” asked James.

“What? Me? You mean it?” asked Sirius in wonder. He looked at Remus for confirmation and signs of jealousy. Remus however, was just beaming at him.

“’course, mate, who else would I trust to push me in the right direction and punch me if I ever freaked out halfway through the ceremony?”

“First she has to agree, mate. I learned my lesson not to anger Lily Evans. She’s scary.”

“Oh, Merlin. What if she says no?” asked James with panic, like this option has just occured to him. Everyone laughed.

.

Sirius had said most of his goodbyes on the train, so he and the other Marauders were among the first ones to leave the train. Soon the other students followed and Platform 9 ¾ was full of chatter, reunions and promises of meeting again. Sirius’ eyes sought out Snape. It was not Eileen waiting for him, but Lucius Malfoy. Sirius could have sworn Snape looked over at Sirius for a fraction of a second, but before he could ascertain he wasn’t just hallucinating, the two had disappeared.

.

Sirius hated to be an adult. Every day he wished back his prepared bed and hot meals and even the boring History of Magic lessons. Now, he had to make his own bed, but the groceries, cook a semi- edible meal.

War wasn’t as excited first as people had made it seem. For one, there was a lot of‘laying low’. You still had to listen to your elders, especially one particular elder, also known as Albus Dumbledore. Most secret Order of the Phoenix missions involved a lot of waiting around for information to be confirmed, not acting out and so on. Sirius was getting frustrated sitting at his – their – flat with nothing to do. The four Marauders decided not to tell Dumbledore about their secret Animagus disguises, and so while the Headmaster knew about Remus being a werewolf, Sirius couldn’t reveal Padfoot. Remus was often sent into action, undercover operations, while Sirius had to swear to stay inside and wait for further instructions.

And with James being all happily married to Lily, many nights Sirius had no company other than that of a full bottle of Ogden’s. Even sending letters by owl was starting to become too risky. That left only Flooing to James’. Sirius sometimes still felt the need to make fun of the fairytale-like house in Godric’s Hollow with it’s picket fence and perfectly kept garden.

James seemed to have it all. Got‘The Girl’, married her and then she was pregnant and it wasn’t just Lily shining with happiness; James too was beside himself at the news. He asked Sirius to be godfather and Sirius agreed. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t have done for James.

And if Sirius sometimes got moody, everyone around him pretended not to notice, or rather count it as one of those habits people got when in war. Sirius was frustrated. It wasn’t that he were jealous of James’ luck, but on the other hand whenever he mentally compared Lily and James to himself and Remus he felt that his relationship wasn’t all that it was cracked out to be. Whenever Remus was home, he was tired and often distant, saying his associations with other werewolves drained him, he found it hard to keep up the facade. He also felt the need to keep a physical distance until his senses and emotions went back to fully human. Sirius didn’t get it. Sometimes weeks went by without them even sleeping in the same bed, let alone having sex. And the worst part was that the sex they ended up having no longer seemed to satisfy Sirius’ tastes. When Remus was away and Sirius was under the influence of liquor he fantasized of himself and Snape, the rough fucks they had, the dirty talk, the excitement of it, the almost tangible sexual tension between them…

And Remus had no idea! Which just annoyed Sirius more. He wished Remus knew what he was thinking, wished he was somehow confronted about his inappropriate thoughts. But of course Remus had no idea about Sirius and Snape…

Meeting Wormtail for drinks was no better. His friend was just as gloomy as Sirius and skittish in public places, like he excepted to be attacked at any second. Sirius would have welcomed a dozen or more extra fights. Wormtail moved out of his mother’s place and lived alone. Although he was invited over once or twice, Sirius declined based on the belief that if Peter was messy with house elves cleaning up after him every night, his flat must look like a proper pigsty. And anyway, Wormtail refused to talk about the assignments he got from the Order and got all twitchy when asked about his newly found girlfriend. Sirius had his doubts about her existence.

.

The night was setting. Sirius and the others had been ambushed. The information they had received said they needn’t expect strong opposing forces, maybe a Death Eater or two. Instead the Order Members were outnumbered two to one. Luckily the backup showed up soon after the fight broke out. Most of the Death Eaters Disapparated before the Anti-Apparition shield was pulled up.

Sirius ducked behind a dustbin that exploded not two seconds after he drew up his Shield Charm. His pursuer – an ugly bald wizard twice his age - was relentless. Sirius ran into a brick wall. He was cornered. He heard the noises of struggle from nearby streets. There was nobody to help him, everybody was too busy fighting his or her own battle. Sirius sent out a Bone-breaking curse that was definitely not on the list of Ministry-approved curses. The wizard deflected it at once.

“Get ready to die, little boy. Your mother will be happy to hear the news of your death, after what happened…” the man chuckled, getting closer.

“Who are you again?”

He raised his wand. “Oh, I’m -”

But he never ended up finishing who he was, for there was a green flash and the man fell down, lifeless.

Sirius looked up at his saviour. It was Snape. Sirius’ face hardened. Snape’s looks didn’t change much since the last time he saw him at King’s Cross. Maybe a little older, more somber.

“Hope you are not waiting around for a thank you.”

“Maybe I just wanted to have you for myself,” Snape answered, his eyes glittering strangely. Sirius didn’t miss the double-meaning.

“Let me think about it. Hm,” Sirius cocked his head like he was in thought. “No. Not a bloody chance. Now  _fuck_  off.”

“You don’t know it, do you?” asked Snape in a soft voice.

Sirius really didn’t want to get into that game, but he couldn’t help himself, “Know what?”

“About your brother.”

“Oh, I know he’s an obedient little Death Eater just like you.”

“He’s dead,” Snape said simply. Sirius stared at him.

“You are  _lying_. You just want to hurt me because you know about my feelings... You know I care about him.”

“Hurt you?” sneered Snape. “I don’t care about your feelings, Black. But I certainly knew him better than you knew him these days. I just stated a fact. He’s dead.”

“How?” croaked Sirius.

“Does it matter?” said Snape. “They say his body wasn’t found. He will be buried in the family tomb. Symbolically, that is.”

Sirius lowered his wand and slumped against the dirty wall. Snape watched him dispassionately.

The sounds of fighting slowly died down in the neighbouring streets, but Sirius felt too Stupified to move.

“Want to fuck me?” asked Sirius after a long silence.

“Is that supposed to be a question?”

“Want you to fuck me.”

“I  _know_  you do,” said Snape, advancing on Sirius.

“Well, will you?”

“I don’t know, werewolves’ dirty seconds do not excite me.”

“I was  _yours_  first, and only then his,” said Sirius softly. Snape was on him in a second.

.

It was hard, fast, perfect. It was not beautiful, not heartfelt, but painfully honest in its rawness. Little preparation, quick Protection Charm. And it felt like Sirius could finally breath fresh air after years of suffocation. It was like coming home. It wasn’t a nice place, but Sirius felt like he belonged.

He clutched at the back of Snape’s cloak and Snape fucked into him in perfect thrusts, adjusting the angle according to Sirius’ reactions. Sirius’ bare back was soon raw from the friction against the bricks and his legs were not used to the standing position, but Snape was strong enough to keep him up, keep driving into him, teasing him, but not yet bringing him to completion. Snape’s dick was just as Sirius remembered, long and wide and hot inside him, making him sore with its size and yet so welcome, so awakening in its effect.

Sirius’ legs were gripping Snape’s hips like a vice, bringing Snape’s body closer, the side of his face buried in Sirius’ neck, while his dick was still pumping into Sirius. And then it all happened really fast, Snape lost his rhytm and was soon spilling into Sirius and when Sirius came he nearly sobbed with the relief of it. Sirius counted the seconds and then minutes until Snape drew himself away, leaving Sirius cold and exposed. He didn’t care how he looked. He didn’t care if it had been a stupid thing to do. It had been the best thing that happened to him all year. It made him finally feel something.

“Thank you.”

Snape snorted. “That’s a first, you thanking me for fucking you.”

“That’s a first, you acknowledging we’ve fucked,” Sirius retorted. “No. Thank you for telling me. About Regulus.”

“I daresay it will be in the papers soon enough.”

“If you ever wanted a repeat… Friday nights at eleven p.m. sometimes I’m at the Broken Bottle Brewery in Margin Alley.”

Snape left, pretending not to have heard him.

.

Sirius practically fell inside the door. He was tired and bloody and stinking of come and his mind still was unable to process the fact that Regulus was really dead. He pushed off his cloak and got rid of his shoes not even bothering to switch the lights on. He was about to step into the bathroom when a flat voice said: “Getting rid of the evidence?”

Sirius froze. It was Remus. And there was no way he didn’t know. Even Sirius could smell himself with his human nose. Remus was sitting in the old armchair Sirius got from his uncle Alphard. It’s arms used to be able to move and in its peak condition it could throttle any enemy of the Blacks. Now, at it’s best it trapped you for a few minutes. Sirius could see Remus’ outline against the grey material.

“Let me explain.”

“That you have been fucking Snape behind my back? There’s no need to explain, it would be painfully clear even if it wasn’t a day before the full moon.”

“No, it wasn’t like that. You see -”

“Don’t come any closer,” said Remus coldly, when Sirius wanted to touch him. Sirius stopped in front of him. Swore. Went and switched on the lights.

“That’s better,” he said, that is until he saw the expression on his boyfriend’s face. Remus’ otherwise kind and understanding face now looked thunderous.

“Look -”

“Did you fuck him when I was away on missions? Or did you just charm away the scent when I was off for a few hours?”

“Remus, it wasn’t… we ran into each other today and he told me about -”

“You know, I thought you at least considered me your friend. I always knew you didn’t love me back. That for whatever reason you decided to take pity on your poor friend with a huge crush on you and put him out of his misery, get a few fucks out of it…”

“Moony -”

“Don’t call me that! Don’t you dare call me that! Fuck you, Sirius. If I believed that it was just for the sex, I would have broken it off with you a long time ago. But I  _know_  you didn’t enjoy the sex that much either! Ever since I refused to call you a… you were never really that into it. I didn’t say anything of course. I could call the most popular boy from school my boyfriend! If he wasn’t that into me I put it off as me being my old boring self. But the least I expected of my good friend Sirius was to break up with me when started to fuck his long-time enemy.”

“We didn’t Remus. This was just the first time.”

“The first time?” Remus asked, incredulous. “The first time you kissed me in the Infirmary, I thought I could smell him on you. Snape. But I forgot all about it, because after years of waiting you were finally kissing me! What did I care if Snape’s scent was around you? Maybe you just had a fight with him. I ignored it. If I ever smelled him on you, I disregarded it as you being you – sometimes violent and deeply annoyed by Snape. I never would have thought you would betray me like this, Sirius!”

“I didn’t, Remus. I swear I didn’t. Please believe me!”

“But I don’t. Not anymore. Some say there is a spy in the Order, somebody passing information to Voldemort. And I never thought I would suspect you of all people… but now? I don’t know.”

“ _What_? You think  _I’m_  the spy?” Sirius demanded. He couldn’t believe his ears. “You hang around werewolves all week. Werewolves who have been known to support Voldemort! If anybody’s a spy, it would be you!”

Remus stood up. His face was getting blotchy with anger. His fisted hands were shaking. “I’m done. I would rather go sleep on the streets than be here a minute longer.”

“Fine,” said Sirius. He crossed his arms protectively over himself. He didn’t follow Remus into their bedroom, didn’t go watch what he packed. If he was indeed a spy, this would be the perfect opportunity to hide something in Sirius’ flat. But Remus had already months to do that and anyway, Sirius felt too weak and tired to superwise. He collapsed on the sofa. A few minutes later Remus came out of the bedroom, dragging his school trunk behind him. He stopped at the front door. Put the doorkeys on a nearby shelf. He looked at Sirius. Sirius regarded him, making sure no emotion showed on his face. It was something he had learned way back at home.

“I won’t tell James.”

“He knew about Snape and me.” Remus’ lips tightened.

“Of course he did. But why tell me, the supposed boyfriend.”

“It didn’t matter. It was in the past,” Sirius said.

“ _Clearly_ ,” said Remus dryly. He looked around the living room. “This is goodbye then, I suppose.”

“Yes.”

“Hope it will be worth it, losing a friend over him.”

Sirius only shrugged. He felt it would be pointless to argue. Remus would not change his mind and maybe it was better this way.

“Just… don’t do anything stupid,” said Remus as the door clicked shut behind him.

Sirius thought he could hear a hint of threat in those words. It was over a decade later they would meet again.

.

Two weeks later Sirius happened to run into Snape at the Broken Bottle. And the week after that. Then it became twice a week sometimes…

Sirius didn’t tell James and he suspected neither did Remus. If he was indeed the spy, he would wait for the right moment. And even if James found out, so what? James knew of his past with Snape. He wouldn’t be likely to approve, no, but he wouldn’t necessarily discourage it either. His nights with Snape were the best parts of Sirius’ week lately. The flat without Remus was empty. That could be the only reason Sirius sometimes invited Snape over. He didn’t get a key or anything. Sirius only brought down the wards temporarily. He still didn’t trust Snape more than he could throw him. He certainly didn’t trust Snape to let him in his flat when he was not at home. He did trust him to show him a good time between the sheets.

And sometimes when Snape was in a good enough mood, he let some information slip deliberately. Nothing important of course. Nothing regarding the war or the sides they were fighting for. They avoided many topics. The Potters, for one. They avoided talking about their respective friends, political views, any sorts of feelings.

But once in a while, Snape told him things he knew Sirius would be interested in.

.

The cemetery was smaller than Sirius remembered, but still enormous if you wanted to find a particular grave. Snape did give some directions, so it took no more than ten minutes to find the right one. It was not part of the Black Family tomb. Which was strange in itself. Sirius couldn’t imagine that Regulus would do something to make Walburga not bury him where every Black has been buried in the last two hundred years. No, they wanted to hide this grave. From what Snape said, only blood connections could see it even existed.

_Regulus Arcturus Black_

_1961- 1979_

 

There was nothing else. Just a name and dates. No‘here lies’, no‘may you rest in peace’. Nothing. A simple black marble grave, with a few black roses placed on it.

Sirius put the single white rose among them. It felt fitting. He always did everything different from his family. But he felt he knew his brother quite well, he knew that in the deepest parts of his soul he was an innocent. Someone who grew up in the company of the wrong people. Regulus deserved a lifetime of happiness, not to die at eighteen. Sirius wished he was there for him more, he wished he had tried to convert Regulus to the light side more than once. He wished he payed more attention, sought him out after Hogwarts maybe… But it was too late.

A twig broke nearly. Sirius whipped around and drew his wand automatically.

He knew the intruder. It was Orion Black. He eyed the one white rose.

Sirius backed away from the grave, lowering his wand.

“I won’t ask how you know about this place. It was supposed to be hidden.”

“Seems like blasting me off the tapestry was not enough to make blood magic stop working on me. Maybe Mother should try killing me that way,” said Sirius conversationally.

Orion ignored Sirius’ words. “We don’t know what happened. It’s empty inside, no body to put in there.”

“You should ask around. Some family friends surely know about… the circumstances.”

“They don’t.”

“I could say I told you so, but the two of us never really got around to have a proper conversation about these things,” said Sirius. His voice sounded sour.

“I regret that,” said Orion. He searched Sirius’ face.

“Oh, well. I must go. On the off chance you were to place a Blasting curse on this thing, don’t worry, I won’t come back here.”

“I regret all of it.”

“Yeah. Too late for that. See you. Or more likely, not,” said Sirius. He turned to Disapparate.

“Take care of yourself, son.”

.

Just a few weeks later, there was a notice in the society section of the Daily Prophet.

_Orion Black dies at 50… natural causes… funeral next Monday in London…_

Sirius drank himself to stupor that day. And the day after that. So what? There was nobody to judge him for it.

.

Harry James Potter was a tiny little thing. Sirius didn’t dare hold him lest he drop the baby and break it. He wasn’t used to handling fragile and precious things.

There was a small Christening ceremony in Godric’s Hollow with just a very few people present. Lily and James invited only Dumbledore, the Marauders and Lily’s friend, Mary MacDonald. Remus didn’t show up. Maybe he just didn’t want to see Sirius. Maybe he was the spy.

After, everyone dispersed. Only Sirius went back to the house with James and Lily and Harry.

“You don’t have to be afraid of him,” said Lily while she watched Sirius hold Harry at arms length.

“Don’t let my natural grace fool you, I’m awfully clumsy. I would understand if you revoked my godfatherhood.”

She took Harry from Sirius. “Nonsense. Anyway, enough baby talk. Tell me, how are you, Sirius?” The question came as a surprise.

Sirius flushed. The first thing that came to mind was the other day when Snape came over and they fucked for two hours straight in a dozen positions. Lily’s eyebrows climbed up into her hairline.

“Him again?”

Sirius could only shrug in answer. There was no use in lying. He already revealed it to be the truth.

“I wish you could bring him over to our side.”

“Uh, it’s not like that. It’s all… physical.” He felt his face redden even more. Lily only grinned down at Harry, who smiled back.

“I gathered as much. Just because I’m married, it doesn’t mean I’m a total prude, you know. I understand physicality.”

“Yeah, the baby clued me in,” said Sirius.

“What are you two talking about?” demanded James, setting down a batch of fresh baked cookies.

“I was telling Sirius about our very active sex life,” said Lily unphased. James sputtered.

“I knew you had it in you, mate,” said Sirius, clapping James on the shoulder. “All these years I’ve been listening to Jamie talk about his non-existent sexual prowess, and I’m happy married life is not as monklike as some made it out to be.”

“Sirius!” hissed James. “Not in front of the baby.”

“Harry doesn’t understand yet. And anyway I think he would welcome a brother or sister, so you two lovebirds might as well start working on the next one.”

James did not look opposed to the idea. Lily, however had a more practical view on things. “James and I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in days!

“Speaking of sleep. Look, Harry seems to be about to fall asleep finally. Would you mind horribly if we asked you to leave, Padfoot? Lily is right about the sleepless nights.”

“Not at all. You need your beauty sleep.” Sirius got up and gathered his coat. James hugged him and then took Harry up to his crib.

Lily yawned, but tried to cover it up by kissing Sirius on the cheek.

“Take care of him for me,” she said. At Sirius’ questioning look, she added, “Severus. I worry about him still.”

“Don’t worry, his feelings for you are unchanged,” said Sirius, resigned.

“You know what my mum used to say to me?‘All boys are stupid. They crave what they can’t have and yet fail to see and appreciate the thing they’ve had all along. You just have to wait, until they turn into men. And then, they finally see and hopefully appreciate.’”

“There’s the silver lining. I would only have to wait a decade or so. It would never work. I’m very impatient,” said Sirius. Lily hugged him close. Sirius had to bend down a little, she was quite short.

“He is lucky to have you. And so are we. So is Harry. I hope you know that, Sirius.”

“Don’t,” muttered Sirius. “You know I’m conceited as it is. But… I’m the luckiest guy in this world to have the three of you in my life. Take care of yourselves, Lily.” He squeezed his hand on her tiny, thin hand.

“Don’t forget to check your mailbox. I will write you letters!”

.

The following months flew away in a flurry of letters, bad news and loneliness.

It got to the point where it became unsafe to leave one’s flat alone. People got attacked left and right and the Order was too powerless to make a difference. Moody started to repeat his mantra of‘Constant Vigilance’. The important assignments got into more magically able hands – Aurors and Unspeakables. Sirius rarely got to be the part of real action. Unless you counted the one between the sheets. There he got plenty of action.

.

Sirius turned on his side. He was sore in all the right places. Snape was lying beside him on the sofa and was looking around with the usual distaste on his face. They could barely fit on narrow sofa, but usually things got so heated they couldn’t wait to get to the bedroom before they started. Sirius tried to cover up his smirk when he spotted the sizeable bitemark on Snape’s collar. Snape noticed him looking and rolled his eyes in dismay.

“How very primal of you.”

“You also mark me in places nobody can see,” said Sirius. He didn’t dare say‘I like to mark what’s mine’ because he knew Snape wouldn’t take it well. He wanted a lot of things he knew Snape wouldn’t take well.

Lately he had been craving intimacy. He wished he could put his head over Snape’s chest, to hear his heartbeats. He wanted to stroke Snape’s body, wanted to touch and taste him in every crook and hidden place. He wanted to kiss his mouth. But whenever Sirius attempted to do any of these things, Snape suddenly became all twitchy and wound up and left soon. Which was counterproductive to Sirius’ problem of not having anybody around. He wanted Snape around as long as he could.

“Next Tuesday, meet you at the same place, same time as usual?” asked Sirius while admiring Snape’s exposed body. Lately he had been more comfortable with letting himself be naked around Sirius even after sex.

“You won’t.”

“Okay. I can move around my oh-so-busy schedule to make time another time.”

“I have an interview on Tuesday. I don’t know how long it will take.”

“You do?” asked Sirius, surprised.

“A job interview, you dunce.” Snape suddenly looked uncomfortable, like he already regretted telling Sirius about it.

“What’s the job?”

“None of your business,” said Snape shortly.

“Fine. Be that way. You can tell me afterwards.”

“What are you doing?”

“What do you mean? I’m not doing anything.”

“Someone’s knocking on your door,” hissed Snape. He was up in a second before Sirius could properly comprehend what was happening. There indeed was somebody on the other side of the door, knocking at higher and higher volume. Snape had already almost finished buttoning up his cloak, before Sirius even got to putting pants on.

“Oh no, you are not going,” whispered Sirius. “I’ll send away whoever it is and we go back to where we were.”

“Sirius! Sirius, do you hear me?” Wormtail called from the other side of the door. Snape swore under his breath.

“Go to my room,” said Sirius to Snape. Snape moved out of sight.

“I can hear you there,” said Wormtail in his wheezy voice. “Listen, I really need to talk to you!”

“Mate, I’m sorry I can’t. I was in the middle of something. You should have called.”

“Sirius, this is important. I really – really need to talk to somebody.”

“Not now. I don’t have time right now, Wormtail.”

“But Sirius, it’s – it’s important. I’m in trouble and I think I need help -”

“Why don’t you go talk to Remus?”

“I don’t know where he is!” said Wormtail in a panicky voice. “He is unreachable. And anyway, he wouldn’t get it.”

“Try James then.”

“No! I can’t talk to James about this! Nobody would understand, but you. I know you could help me, Sirius. Please -”

“I can’t let you in right now, I’m sorry. Go away. I will get back to you, okay?”

“Sirius -”

“Get the fuck away, Wormtail,” growled Sirius. The next moment Wormtail’s footsteps could be heard echoing in the stairwell as he left.

Snape came back into the livingroom, all dressed.

“Shut up,” said Sirius.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You were thinking it.”

“I better go,” said Snape. His expression was full of pity. That just incited Sirius more.

“What the fuck do you mean? I just sent him away, so that you can stay.”

“I never asked you to. We were obviously done,” sneered Snape.

“Fine, get out. What do I care?” said Sirius glaring daggers at Snape.

“Thursday,” said Snape. “Same time, same place.”

.

Snape failed to show up at the Broken Bottle on Thursday and any of the following days and weeks. In fact it was thirteen years later that Sirius saw him again.

 

Sirius was worried. And Sirius was very rarely worried. He stopped going back to the pub. If Snape wanted to find Sirius, he knew where he lived.

There were three possibilities.

One, the job interview went haywire and Snape was in deep trouble. Maybe dead.

Two, the job interview went well, but it was for a job that wouldn’t have gone well with Sirius knowing, so Snape decided they were done.

Three, there was no job interview, Snape simply lied.

Whichever of these the right one was, it didn’t matter in the end. They had more important matters to deal with. The Potters were in danger. Sirius was not told the exact details, but what he knew was enough. Voldemort was out for James and Lily because they defied him one too many times. Dumbledore offered to do the Fidelius and James chose Sirius. And Sirius happily agreed. He knew he would protect James and his family with his own life. He would rather die than reveal James’ whereabouts. The Fidelius Charm was put on the house in Godric’s Hollow and Sirius was Secret-Keeper.

But the more he thought about it the more paranoid he grew. Everybody who knew them, would expect Sirius to be Secret-Keeper. He was the first they would search out. It wasn’t that he was afraid for his life, but by knowing said secret the Potter’s safety depended on him. And he knew, that there were ways to get the truth out even without torture. Truth serum. Sirius wouldn’t be able to fight that. So at the last minute he called Wormtail and made him into the Secret-Keeper. It was the first time they met since Sirius sent him away none too kindly. It seemed Wormtail forgot all about it, for he was chatty and excited and willing. Sirius was ashamed he had thought Peter would back out of the offer. He was a true Gryffindor after all.

.

Then everything happened too fast. On Halloween night Sirius went to check up on Wormtail, but he wasn’t home. And then Sirius flew to Godric’s Hollow and Peter was there and the house was in ruins and suddenly Sirius understood. He understood how much he fucked up this time. How he put his trust into the wrong person.

It was eye-opening. Sirius didn’t recognize the person he thought he had known as Peter. That person standing in the street was cruel and mocking, someone who felt his actions were justified by the past.

There was only one thing that proceeded to make Sirius even angrier and betrayed.

“Snape!” Wormtail called. “Your boyfriend or fuckbuddy or whatever you want to call him. It was because of  _him_  that the Dark Lord decided to go after _them_.”

“Shut up!” Sirius yelled.

“I’m telling the truth. Maybe instead of fucking the enemy, you should have listened to me! But of course Sirius Black is too good for the likes of me. Well, now you will pay with your life!

.

Sirius was going crazy. The scream and cries and moans around him were a constant noise that one couldn’t avoid in this place. There was nobody to talk to. He was alone with his thoughts. Sirius soon learned that he had to let go of his anger if he wanted to survive this and get out. The Dementors went for strong emotions, like a dog would go for scents. So he abandoned his anger, pushed it to a hidden place into the back of his mind and threw the imaginary key away. There was no place for anger here. He had to keep sane, to find a way out of this hellhole called Azkaban.

And when he did, he would kill the one responsible for James and Lily’ death. He would murder Wormtail in cold blood and laugh while doing it. And if he happened to run across Snape – well, he would make him pay too.

.

Azkaban was the very last place one would want to have a sex dream. And yet, Sirius kept having them. Granted, most of them were about murder, bloodshed and causing unimaginable pain. All of them featured Snape. To Sirius’ best attempts he found it hard to lock away these fantasies. And away they needed to be for the Dementors were hungry for lust, violence or even the smallest of pleasure.

It took the better part of two years to get rid of these dreams.

The following ten Sirius spent thinking of ways to escape his physical prison.

.

He kissed the wet soil under his hands when he first reached the Mainland. Even a breathe of fresh air seemed like the greatest gift. But he had no time to appreciate life’s gifts yet. The first half of his plan worked. Now came the second part. The part where he would kill Peter Pettigrew with his bare hands for all that he had done.

That was essential. Peter had to die. Even death would be a too small price for that man… But no, Azkaban wouldn’t hold him. He would worm his way out somehow. No. Peter would die at Sirius’ hands. Sirius didn’t care what happened after. He had no life to go back to, but he had to protect Harry before Wormtail could get to him. Saving Harry wouldn’t bring James back, but maybe, just maybe lessen Sirius’ guilt… Guilt for how stupid and trusting he was. He would not make that mistake ever again.

.

Under different circumstances seeing Snape again after all those years could have been more of a shock. But Sirius had no time for Snape and his wish for petty revenge. Getting back at Snape could wait until after Peter was dealt with.

.

Life after the Azkaban escape was not all that Sirius expected it to be. For one, he was still a fugitive. Two, Peter was still breathing. And three, Harry was still in danger.

And Snape was still in Hogwarts. He was still doing the job he had applied for on that Tuesday Sirius wanted to meet him on. Mindboggling. Snape as a teacher! Snape who looked almost the same as he did thirteen years ago, his hair was still too long and oily, his body long and deceptively thin-looking under his ever-present black cloak. He was just as unattractive visually as he used to be. So why was he be able to get under Sirius’ skin so effortlessly still?

.

Number twelve, Grimmauld Place remained relatively unchanged over the years. Only when you got inside, did you realize what a deathtrap it became. It took four grown wizards to work tirelessly for a full forty-eight hours just make remove everything that would be instantly lethal. For another three weeks Sirius, Remus, Bill Weasley and Kingsley Shacklebolt worked in their respective free times to make the house somewhat habitable. Not clean, mind you.

It was exactly fourty-one days after moving back into his childhood home that Sirius came face-to-face with Severus Snape. Thankfully there happened to be no witnesses to this.

 

It went down like this:

Snape appeared out of thin air. Or more likely Sirius was just not sufficiently awake for this. “Providing this‘house’ is the only contribution you are able to bring to the Order and it’s  _this_?” sneered Snape, looking around.

Sirius had some memories of the past when Snape was in similar moods. It always meant he wanted a fight. And Sirius wanted nothing less than to give it to him.

“You know, Snape. All these years I was wondering about something Wormtail told me the night James and Lily died -” Snape’s face first when pale like a ghost’s then it was suffused with colour suddenly. “Knowing all the lies Wormtail has told us, I have to ask: were you responsible for telling Voldemort about the Prophecy?”

Snape glared at Sirius. He was about to open his mouth, when Remus appeared in the doorway.

“What is going on here?”

“Snape doesn’t approve of my dear old mother’s dwellings,” said Sirius with fake cheer. Remus raised a questioning eyebrow. Snape practically flew out of the room.

It was a good enough answer for Sirius.

.

With the arrival of the Weasleys, Hermione Granger and then some time later, Harry, Grimmauld Place started to become like a liveable house. But it was only then that Sirius realized how estranged he became of normal life. He no longer resembled the boy he was before Azkaban, loud and fun and outrageous. Now he felt like an old man inside, full of regrets and with half a life basically unlived.

And the sad thing was how he discovered Harry’s home life had been far from ideal.

“You know Aunt Petunia?” Harry asked incredulously.

“Not really. But I’ve seen her at King’s Cross a few times. Lovely temper.” Sirius thought of Petunia’s encounter with Snape in Cokeworth. “I know that James had met her and her lovely husband a few times, and all of them very extremely memorable. Needless to say James made a lovely impression of Vernon Dursley.”

“That still holds,” said Harry.

“Do you want me to go there and talk some sense into them?”

“No, it’s all right. But can’t you promise I can come live with you if my hearing goes badly?”

Sirius looked at Harry’s earnest face. He really did look so very much like James. Except for the eyes. Those were all Lily. Little wonder Snape couldn’t stand the sight of Harry.

“We will make it work somehow, I promise,” Sirius told him. He would have been happy to tell his godson he could stay with him, but Dumbledore had implied that it was essential Harry stayed with the Dursleys. The man wouldn’t hear any argument and Sirius knew better than to argue with him anyway.

.

Harry’s hearing thankfully went just fine. Dumbledore once again knew what he was doing. But it made Sirius realize he would remain alone in this horrible house.

“I wish there was a way we could hide you in our dorm room in Hogwarts. You would get along with Seamus, Dean and Neville.”

“Believe me, I would rather go back with you than stay here.”

“There must be a dozen unused teacher’s quarters they could accomodate you in,” said Harry like he was actually considering the idea. “There’s just one problem.”

“Just one?” asked Sirius, amused.

“Snape.” Sirius snorted at that. “He could barely stand Lupin teaching there and Snape just about tolerated him. But I have a feeling he likes you a lot less… no offense.”

“None taken,” Sirius grinned at Harry. “You are of course right. Even when we were students there the castle was not big enough for the two of us.”

“Like me and Malfoy. Since the first time we met, there has always been trouble.”

“He anything like his father?”

“Never stops speaking about Lucius.‘My father this, my father that -’, he lives to be the copy of his father,” said Harry. He sounded disgusted.

“Poor kid.”

“Not really. I heard he lives in a Manor.”

“I didn’t mean literally. I knew the Malfoy Manor. I’ve been there dozens of times. Big and cold and impersonal like all the other Pure-Blood places. Abraxas Malfoy used to throw these lavish parties for the Sacred Twenty-Eight.”

“Did you have to dance?” Harry asked. Sirius couldn’t help himself, he laughed.

“Let me guess, you have two left feet.”

“Dancing at the Yule Ball was worse than getting through the Hungarian Horntail,” said Harry.

“James was the same. But he never cared if he was making a fool of himself, the important thing for him was that Lily finally said yes to going to the ball with him.”

“I bet you were popular with the girls. I’ve seen old pictures of you, you know.”

Sirius snorted. “Why, thank you. I was awfully haughty. Girls seemed to go after that kind of thing.” Pity Snape didn’t.

“You could coach me,” muttered Harry to Sirius’ surprise.

“Why, is there a particular witch you are interested in?” asked Sirius, fascinated.

“No,” said Harry quickly. Sirius had the feeling he wasn’t being quite honest. Most of the time Harry was like an open book, his feelings were all over his face and body language.

“Boy, then?”

“What? No!”

“I didn’t mean to offend you. It would be fine by me is all I meant.”

“No, that’s not it. And anyway, it’s not important.”

“You are right. A crazy mass murdering wizard is after you, stopping him is priority.”

Harry looked at Sirius gratefully. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“You are one of the few people who don’t try to spare my feelings, and tell the truth to my face. I appreciate it.”

“Snape also doesn’t spare you feelings. Do you appreciate him as well?”

Harry groaned. “Don’t even mention it. I don’t suppose him being in the Order will make him treat me any better.”

“What do you mean? If he gives you a hard time, I will go have a few words with him -”

Harry shook his head. “I guess I just remind him of my dad.”

“Hard not to. And I mean that in the best way possible. He would be proud of you,” said Sirius with complete honesty.

“Thanks, Sirius. I’m so glad we disarmed Snape in the Shrieking Shack and rescued you.”

“By the way, thank  _you_  for that!”

.

Sirius hadn’t expected to be this frustrated just after a few days alone in Grimmauld Place. Well, alone, unless you counted Kreacher who apparently lived to make Sirius’ life a hell and serve as a living reminder of his late family.

Sirius hated it. Hated being stuck inside once again, after years of imprisonment, this felt like another slightly more comfortable, but emotionally draining prison. Sometimes Remus stopped by for a tea and that was good. They were back on good terms. It was like their distrust toward each other had disappeared. They were friends once again.

“Ask her out,” said Sirius. Remus choked on his tea.

“W-what? What do you mean?”

“Tonks. Ask her out. I know you like her. I can recognize the signs.” Remus blushed bright red.

“I don’t – I’m not… I don’t want to talk about it, Sirius.”

“She likes you back, it’s quite obvious. And I approve.”

“Oh, you do?” asked Remus, all amused. “Why would I care whether you approved or not?”

“I’m related to her and you are my old time friend so I can judge your character well and I know you two would be perfect together,” said Sirius, while nodding enthusiastically.

“Since when do you work as a matchmaker?”

“Since my sex life is as dead as it ever was.” Sirius took a big gulp of his brandy.

“You could always go to -”

“Don’t say it!” warned Sirius before Remus could say that fateful name.

“All right, I won’t. From what Arthur told me, you had a little spat with him the other day.”

“He just riled me up.”

“He always knew how to do that, didn’t he?” wondered Remus, looking at Sirius in question.

“I just thought thirteen years would have been enough to lessen the effect, is all.”

“You have chemistry. That doesn’t just disappear. Like to ingredients that always have a reaction when put together.”

“Yeah, I don’t get the analogy, unless you imply that there was always an explosion in the end -” When Remus burst out laughing, Sirius added, “I didn’t mean…  _that_. Merlin, I barely recognize you, Moony. I remember you used to be the bookish, conservative one?”

“Well, I’m no blushing virgin anymore, Padfoot.”

“No, you’re not.” Sirius considered his friend. “Got around a lot in the last few years?”

Remus’ eyes widened, then he chuckled and shook his head. “Only you, Sirius. Only you would assume… No, for your information, I didn’t get around that much, but I also didn’t live completely vicariously.”

“Lucky you.”

Remus watched Sirius drink another mouthful. “Are you sure, you won’t ask him?”

“No. Never. I’m pissed at that bastard for reasons you don’t know about…” Sirius had decided not to tell Remus how it was Snape’s fault Voldemort went after Lily and James.

“Once we get hold of Peter and your name will be cleared, you will have all the men and women falling at your feet wanting a piece of you. Your charms still work you know, when you switch them on.”

“Clearly not well enough, otherwise Dumbledore would let me have a small outside trip once in a while.”

“Just because he is gay, it doesn’t mean you are necessarily his type,” said Remus.

“I’m everyone’s type, be it witch, wizard, Hippogriff, Kneazle, dog.”

“Glad your self-confidence is still intact.” Remus stood up, gathering his cloak from the back of a nearby chair. “I’m meeting Emmeline Vance in ten minutes.”

“When are you coming around next? When is the next full moon? You could stay here,” Sirius offered, hoping Remus would say yes.

“I can’t. It looks like I found a trustworthy informant among the werewolves, I will have to stay with him for a while. And you know the full moons are much better since Severus has been making the Wolfsbane Potion for me again…”

“Are you sure he has not tweaked it somehow or laced it with something?”

“You want to find fault in everything he does, don’t you?” sighed Remus. “No, the Potion is as potent as ever, don’t worry about it. I know you hate being here alone, Sirius. I wish there was something I could do.”

Sirius shook his head. “I’m happy to have you here. Don’t think I don’t appreciate you spending time with me. I’m aware what an arse I had been to you in the past…”

“Water under the bridge, Padfoot.” Remus gave Sirius a friendly hug and left in a hurry.

.

Sirius broke, so sue him. He finally had enough and left the Number twelve, Grimmauld Place for a quick drink in a bar closeby. He ended up getting a handjob in the loo from a random guy. It was refreshing.

So he did it again a few days later. Same bar as before – crowded enough not to get noticed, but enough space to escape quickly if there was an emergency. This time he actually fucked a guy behind the dumpster in the narrow side-street outside. Sirius didn’t last long, but the man didn’t seem to care much after he came.

It became a routine. When Sirius knew that no Order member would stop by that evening, once or twice a week he risked a venture outside. Sometimes he scored, sometimes he watched others get off, sometimes he didn’t. The bar was for Muggles, frequented by all age groups and sexualities.

The black jeans and leather jacket combination still seemed to be working it’s magic, for Sirius got lucky more often than not. He should have known no good thing would last for him for long.

.

Sirius was pleasantly boozed up. Today even the music blaring from the sound system was tolerable, rock rather than the ever-present electronic stuff.

“Buy you a drink?” asked a silken voice from his left.

“Sure,” said Sirius, smiling to himself. Score. He raised his head up only to look into Snape’s murderous black irises.

“- or not,” hissed Snape eyeing the empty bottles and glasses in front of Sirius, “Clearly you are too drunk if you fail to see how incredibly stupid of you is to be here.” Snape looked surprisingly furious, for someone who had no business telling Sirius where to be. His pallid face was twitching in anger. Sirius was too intoxicated to appreciate how mad Snape was.

“What I want to know is how you found me,” said Sirius with a little satisfied smile in Snape’s direction. “By the way, you sound like an angry boyfriend.”

“I knew where to look for you because I put a tracker on you,” said Snape softly. He glared at a man who wanted to sit down right next to them, so fiercely that the man changed tracks and sat elsewhere.

“You did what?”

“Last Thursday when I came by the house nobody but the elf was home, so at the latest meeting I put a useful little charm not unlike the Trace on you.”

“What the fuck?” growled Sirius, annoyed. He grabbed the arm of Snape’s black trenchcoat. Under different circumstances he would have wondered at the curious sight of Snape in Muggle clothing, but currently he was too pissed off to take proper notice.

“I suspected it wouldn’t be your last little outside trip as you think you are too clever for anyone to notice your absence. Once again your over-inflated ego led you to exposure.”

“Oh, shut up, Snape. If I want to have a drink in a bar, I will have it.” He let go of Snape.

“Dumbledore will be happy to hear it, I’m sure. He doesn’t have enough problems already without your thoughtless behaviour…”

“I came out here on my own risk. If anything happened to me… it wouldn’t affect anyone else.”

“You mean, it wouldn’t jeopardize the integrity of the Headquarters? Not only could anyone follow you back without you noticing in the state you are in, but you could be kidnapped and tortured for information -”

“I said shut up. Don’t ruin my buzz,” groaned Sirius, turning away from his unwanted companion.

“Oh, am I preventing you from - how do they say it nowadays -  _scoring_?” Sirius mulishly stared at the colourfully lit bar just to avoid Snape’s eyes. “I was right. Sirius Black once again thinks of nothing but himself. What does he care if he risks the lives of everyone around him, as long as he can have  _fun_?”

“So tell Dumbledore! If you already weren’t his favourite, this would certainly do the trick. His expectations of me couldn’t get much lower anyhow.”

“Spare me the self-pity, Black. Finish that blasted drink and let’s go,” said Snape, standing up.

“I don’t think so,” said Sirius just to watch Snape’s face flush in anger. “I haven’t – as you say –  _scored_  yet. So, unless you are offering, I think I’ll stay…”

Sirius watched closely as Snape’s expression changed. It was an infinitesimal change, but it was there. For a fraction of second Snape’s eyes settled on Sirius’ lips. He looked away at once, seemingly on the verge of making a decision.

“Very well,” said Snape starting to walk toward the exit. “Shall we go?”

“You would really do this just for the good of the Order?” Sirius called after him in disbelief. He lowered his voice. “And here I thought  _I_ was the whore.”

He followed Snape and pulled him back into the crowd before Snape could slip out of the room.

“Wait. Not so fast,” said Sirius softly. He embraced Snape from behind. Snape went completely still.

“Let go of me.”

“No.”

“I said -”

“No. I won’t. First tell me something, Snape. I will go back to the house, regardless of your answer, okay?” Snape didn’t answer, but Sirius knew he was listening. Sirius revelled in the hot, hard body against his front. “Do you want this? Because if not, don’t this on the account of dragging me back… But if you do… we have history. It won’t be simple. It never is.” He breathed in Snape’s scent, still holding him close. “So. My question is, do you know want this?”

Slowly Sirius’ hands crossed over Snape’s front where they were soon joined by Snape’s. Not pushing those away, but tightening them around himself. “Altruism is not my thing,” said Snape. They stood there like this for a few seconds, surrounded on all sides by dancing Muggles. They must have looked like a couple. Then Snape disentangled Sirius’ hands from his middle and tugged on one of Sirius’ wrists. Sirius let him.

The cold fresh October air woke Sirius up a little from his alcohol infused haze. Snape let go of him as soon as they stepped out of the dark, crowded room. Sirius stumbled a little on the cobblestones, but Snape took no notice. They entered the house and Sirius took care not to wake the portrait of his mother. He feared any delay could make Snape change his mind about doing this.

“Here,” breathed Sirius when Snape was about to go further up. He took the Serpent-shaped door handle to the room on the right hand side and walk in. Thankfully Phineas Nigellus was not in his frame – Sirius suspected Snape wouldn’t want another Slytherin witness what was about to happen.

Snape clicked the door shut behind himself, while Sirius lit an oil lamp with his wand as there were no windows in the room.

“Get on the bed,” said Snape.

“Oh, no no no,” Sirius told him, “Not this time. You see, we are going to do things differently. I’m no longer the boy you could order to roll around for you.”

“According to my memories, you liked to be ordered around.”

Sirius sat down on the bed. “I’ve had enough of being ordered around in prison for all eternity. No, I want to take a more active role this time. You want to stand there all night? Come here.” To his surprise Snape did. He pushed Sirius down into the bedding. Snape straddled Sirius, so that his arms were framing Sirius’ head. Sometime between arriving in the room and getting over Sirius, Snape got rid of his trenchcoat. He had a long sleeved shirt on and black trousers. Sirius wanted him. His body craved Snape’s closeness. Sirius moaned wantonly, to which Snape’s lips curved into a satisfied smirk. He could clearly feel Sirius’ dick even through the layers of clothing separating their bodies.

“Do you want me to fuck you?”

“Yes,” breathed Sirius.

“Good, because I will. I will fuck you so well you will feel it for days.”

“Yes,” hissed Sirius, reaching for the Snape’s zipper. It was satisfying to hear the sound of the zipper coming undone and Snape’s resulting inhale when Sirius touched him through his underwear. The material was wet with pre-come. Sirius’ dick throbbed in his jeans. Simultaneously they got rid of their remaining clothes until it was just the two of them completely naked, with Snape’s body covering Sirius’, their dicks creating frustratingly little friction, not nearly enough to get off on, but just there on their minds, like an annoying itch that needed to be scratched. Before Sirius could complain, Snape got off the bed. Sirius had a lovely view of the expanse of his bare body and his hard cock that Sirius wanted to taste so much. Snape did something unexpected. He slid down so he was lying on the foot of the bed and sucked Sirius’s dick into his mouth.

This was certainly new. Sirius’ whole body shook with the intensity of the feeling. He groaned. Snape proceeded to give him a more than decent blowjob, but Sirius stopped him, before he came. He wanted Snape’s dick in him. Needed it. He told Snape as much.

There was a finger, then two. At three, Sirius had to ask him to go a bit more gentle.

“It’s been thirteen years, so go easy on me, okay?” Snape actually looked up straight into Sirius’ eyes. He didn’t seem to expect to hear that.

“ _No one_? All this time?” Snape asked softly. Sirius could feel the whisper of his breath on his hard cock.

“I didn’t become anyone’s bitch, if that’s what you are asking,” Sirius replied.

“Good,” said Snape. His voice implied,‘ _you are mine_ ’.

“Any time today.” Snape glared at him, but continued prepping Sirius’ body for him.

When Snape finally pushed into him with a single perfect thrust Sirius’ toes curled up in pleasure. It was like his body still remembered Snape, still welcomed him like it was only days, not years since they did this last. Sirius’ legs came up to curl around Snape’s hips, his heels resting against Snape’s buttocks.

Soon they got a rhythm, to Snape’s thrusts there were Sirius’ answering pushes and sooner than either of them expected or wanted to, Snape was spilling in Sirius’ body and Sirius came all over himself, with several strips of come landing on Snape’s chest. Snape collapsed on top of Sirius. This was also new. Sirius put a tentative hand over Snape’s sweaty back and when Snape failed to react to it, Sirius stroked it down the length of Snape’s spine. He could still feel Snape’s softening dick inside him and the come seeping out and down between his legs. He didn’t care. This was everything. This had been as good if not better than it used to be.  _Chemistry_ , Remus had said.

Sirius’ fingers inched down, until his hand was on the crease of Snape’s arse. And still, Snape didn’t indicate he wanted Sirius to stop his ministrations. So Sirius probed inside him. As expected, he was tight. Sirius used their combined come to ease his finger into him. It didn’t take long and Snape was reacting, his hips moving back into Sirius’ fingers and his head was buried in Sirius’ neck, hiding his face and he was moaning, quite loudly at that, too. It was exhilarating. Sirius could feel him getting hard again. Then Sirius twisted his hand just so and he clearly pushed on that little secret button, because Snape came again, his cock emptying itself on Sirius’ half-hard cock and legs. Sirius’ own dick twitched in sympathy at that.

Snape’s face turned sideways to get more air and then he and Sirius were looking at each other, their lips only a hair’s breadth away. Sirius could feel Snape’s hot breath on his lips and –

And then nothing. Snape pushed himself off of Sirius, to the side. He must have forgotten that Sirius’ fingers were inside him because when they inevitably slipped out of him, his face flushed a blotchy red.

It was only then that his eyes dropped to Sirius’s chest and belly. Sirius’ stomach tightened. He knew he looked different than Snape remembered. He was no longer as emaciated as half a year before, but Azkaban had left its marks on him. He had lashmarks and cuts and some scars. When his eyes found Snape’s, the other man raised his eyebrows.

“What? You expect me to be shocked? Disgusted? As you can see, I also have scars. And believe it or not, I was never interested in you for your looks.”

_Why were you interested in me then?_  thought Sirius.

What he said was, “Does this mean you are willing to disregard my lessened physical attributes and do this again some time?”

“I have work, you know. As you have never had a full-time job in your life, you clearly have no idea what that entails. Not to mention my other full-time job as a spy.”

“Was that a yes?” Sirius asked.

“It was a fact about my time constraints,” said Snape, pulling his pants up. Sirius had the urge to smile.

“Would I be correct in assuming that you preferred I didn’t go back to that bar again?”

“I won’t tell Dumbledore about your little nighttime adventures this time, but if I ever catch you going outside again, I will be hard-pressed to inform him.”

“Fair enough.”

Snape regarded Sirius’ still naked form with disinterest as he finished dressing. “I will show myself out.”

“Thanks for coming… by,” said Sirius in his sweetest voice. Snape slammed the door shut behind himself.

.

Snape indeed stayed true to his word and did not re-appear in quite a while. It frustrated Sirius, because their last encounter turned out to be rather memorable and it made him consider other things they could try.

The next time Snape showed up was for an Order meeting. Several Order member would be staying the night after so Snape joining Sirius for a round of sex was absolutely out of the question. It was known about Snape that the man always left right after the meetings ended.

Sirius slumped back in his chair in disappointment. Remus raised a questioning eyebrow when he caught him at it. Sirius only shrugged.

.

Sirius finished his drink in one big gulp. He had just bodily thrown Kreacher out of the drawing room after the elf said a few well chosen words on his opinion of Sirius’ continuing existence.

Sirius’ bad mood had a lot to do with the date. It was November 3. He had gotten Remus’ apologetic letter that unfortunately he couldn’t come see Sirius, but he wished him a‘very happy birthday’ and would deliver his gift two days later. Sirius was grateful his friend at least remembered the date, no one else did apparently. And why would they? It wasn’t like Sirius knew anyone’s birthdays either. Apart from Harry’s and Remus’ of course. He also recalled Snape having been born in the beginning of January.

.

Sirius woke up to someone standing over him, just inches from his face. Sirius gave a very unmanly yelp before he realized it was only Snape.

“And here I was hoping you finally drank yourself into death.”

“What are you doing here this late?” asked Sirius, rubbing his eyes. Yes, it was indeed Snape. He looked as grumpy as ever and he smelled of rain. He still had his travelling cloak on.

Snape didn’t answer, but pushed the cloak off of his shoulder. Then it finally clicked.

“You came because you knew it was my birthday!” Sirius said gleefully.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Snape, his back toward Sirius.

“Yes, you did! You came this late because you were hoping everyone already left. For your information, nobody came.”

“Not like it used to be, is it?” snarled Snape. Sirius ignored his words. He knew Snape was reluctant to admit he remembered Sirius’ birthday and that was the only reason he showed up.

“Of course you would remember the date from that time my cake ended up in your face in our fourth year.” It happened by mistake. Wormtail had been levitating the cake from the kitchens when Snape showed up and tried to hex him. It distracted Wormtail enough to cancel the spell and make the cake end up on Snape’s head.

Snape scowled. “I can still change my mind if I have to listen one more word of this.”

“No – no!” said Sirius placatingly. “Believe it or not, I’m happy to see you on this otherwise horribly dull day.”

“Then you would have appreciated how three different student’s Strengthening Solution exploded in class today.”

“Students nowadays,” Sirius shook his head. “If it was me, I would have taken it outside and made it explode in the Great Hall for greater effect.”

“Enough about our respectively terrible days,” said Snape, advancing on Sirius.

“No bedside talk for you then? I approve,” murmured Sirius with a slight grin. He let Snape come closer to him, until were standing inches apart.

“I’m feeling lazy.”

“Does that mean you want me to do all the work?”

“Seeing as you don’t do anything useful all day…” Sirius chuckled in amusement. So typical of Snape to insult him even when they were about to have sex. Even on Sirius’ big day.

“Okay,” nodded Sirius. He looked at the nearby settee. “Can you undress yourself or do you want me to do that as well?”

Snape started unbuttoning his shirt in answer. Sirius let himself have a small satisfied smile. Then he also made quick work of his clothes. He told Snape to get on the settee facing away from him and when he complied, Sirius got down behind him. He pulled his cheeks apart. Snape let out a small, undignified little noise that made Sirius smile again.

“What are you -?”

“I thought you hated stupid questions. I’m eating you out, of course. Will do a thorough prep work on you.” Snape groaned. “You like that, don’t you?” whispered Sirius. “You like getting me dirty. You like me serving you.”

Snape didn’t move, but Sirius knew from the slight shakes of his body, that he wanted it badly. Wanted Sirius’ mouth on him.

Sirius proceeded to eat Snape out to relative incoherency, which was a feat in itself. Snape was usually all about witty retorts. This time by the time Sirius was done with him, he was communicating only with pants and groans.

“Can I -?”

“Do it,” said Snape shortly. His hands were gripping the back of the settee like a lifeline.

“It’s been a while since you’ve done this last, wasn’t it?” asked Sirius. Snape’s body still felt too uptight under his lips.

“Never.”

“What?”

Snape didn’t reply. Sirius was shocked. He had always assumed it was only him Snape didn’t let inside his body. He thought there must have been others…

“Get on with it, before I -” hissed Snape.  _Before I change my mind_.

“I’ll go slow,” said Sirius quietly. He got hold of his dick and pushed into Snape as gently as his body would let him. It was still a very tight fit. Snape’s body went very still, so Sirius stopped. “You have to relax a bit, bear down -”

“Shut up.”

“You feel fucking fantastic,” murmured Sirius. “But I don’t want to hurt you. Let go, Snape. It will feel better that way.”

With incredible difficulty, Snape did loosen up a bit. Sirius stroked down his flank that was meant to be a comforting gesture. He wasn’t sure Snape even noticed.

“So good… so tight. Show me how do you like it.” Snape thrust back against him. Sirius changed the angle. It took a few tries until they picked up somewhat of a rhythm. Only when Sirius pushed Snape more into the cushions with a stronger thrust did he hit Snape’s prostrate. The effect was immediate. Snape arched off the settee with such force that he almost managed to throw Sirius off.

“There, right? Good to know.” He then nailed Snape in the prostrate several times in a row, that made Snape lose all his cool. He was swearing and trashing under Sirius, until Sirius got to his dick crushed underneath him. He came almost instantly. Sirius felt his body contract and then Sirius’s orgasm came like a freight train, sudden and powerful. He collapsed over Snape’s back. Soon Snape threw him off, but Sirius didn’t mind. He had just fucked Snape. It took him twenty years for Snape to trust him enough to let Sirius fuck him, but he got there in the end.

And now he wanted to do it again.

Snape was getting up and picking up his discarded clothing. He was avoiding Sirius’ eyes.

“Thank you for my birthday present. Hope I don’t have to wait another twenty years for the next one.”

“Shut up, Black.”

Sirius grinned. “That good, huh? Rendered you to speak in one-syllable words?”

“I regret everything.”

“You keep telling yourself that, Snape. If that’s what makes you sleep at night…”

“Go to hell.”

“What marks did I get?”

“Oh, do  _shut up_ ,” said Snape and in a flurry of black he was off.

.

Every week Snape showed up and they had amazing, but frantic sex. Snape never stayed the night. Sirius suspected Snape chose his visits as to avoid running into any fellow Order members, since he knew most people’s scheduled missions and timetables. In the middle of December, Sirius brought up something he had been thinking about.

“So, I suppose I won’t see you for a while what with Harry possibly spending Christmas with me.”

“That would be a correct assumption,” said Snape. He threw Sirius’ previously discarded jumper at him so it landed on his head.

“But if it was just me and Harry, we could easily cast a Muffliato -”

“No,” said Snape, his jaw twitching.

“You no longer into the whole sneaking around business then?”

“Even if I was that desperate – which I certainly am not – I know Potter likes to stick his nose into things that are none of his business and has an uncanny ability to move around undetected at night,” said Snape pointedly. Sirius pretended he didn’t know what Snape was getting at.

“See you in the New Year?” asked Sirius.

“Don’t overindulge in Ogden’s.”

“I won’t unless you are here to join me…”

.

Sirius’ first proper Christmas in a long time went differently then planned. For one, Grimmauld Place was full of people. It has probably not seen this much cheer since it was built. After Arthur Weasley turned out to be all right, things settled into a comfortable routine. Molly did the cooking and Sirius had the company of not only his godson, but a bunch of other kids. Sirius grew to like all of them. While Fred and George were usually the centre of attention, Ginny Weasley had a wicked sense of dry humour that Sirius had liked instantly.

“You brothers tell me you have a boyfriend.”

“You and everyone else,” said Ginny bitterly. She took a sip of her tea.

“And then other sources tell me you liked Harry.” Ginny groaned.

“That’s been a while ago, and anyway it’s not like he likes me back. Whenever Cho Chang is around, his eyes are practically popping out of their sockets…”

Sirius grinned at Ginny. “Is she the one he made cry?”

“That sounds like her.”

“I don’t claim to know Harry very well, but she doesn’t sound like she’s a keeper.”

“Your point being?” asked Ginny with raised eyebrows.

“Maybe you shouldn’t give up on him. James – his father used to be completely oblivious too. Everyone around him could tell Lily liked him, apart from him, of course.”

“Harry sees me as Ron’s little sister.”

“Well,” said Sirius. “Then you’d better do something about changing his perspective. Make him see you in a different light.”

“You and Hermione should open a relationship consultancy together.”

Sirius barked out a laugh. “Believe me I’m the  _very last_ person who should give out any relationship advice.”

“Do you have someone?” asked Ginny. Then she blushed at her forwardness. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. Ignore me.”

“Not really,” said Sirius.

“That’s not a‘no’,” said Ginny teasingly.

“No, it is not.”

“But if you don’t go out -”

“Morning, Sirius!” said Fred.

“You shouldn’t even be up, little sister. It’s the last day of the holidays for you, you should be sleeping in until noon,” George added.

“It’s past eleven,” Ginny pointed out.

Sirius sighed. He tried his best to avoid thinking about everyone leaving after the holidays. He got used to all the company.

On the positive side, however, he would get to see Snape soon…

.

He saw Snape a lot sooner than expected. He didn’t mean to get so angry in front of Harry, but Snape once again pushed his buttons just the wrong way… And whatever this thing was between himself and Snape, Sirius knew that regardless of that, Snape would treat Harry just as before. Sirius could defend himself against Snape’s insults, but if Snape literally got to attack Harry’s mind with no witnesses present, he would not act kindly.

After Snape left and Sirius managed to cool off, Sirius brought it up with his godson.

“The thought of me having private lessons with him…”

“Look,” said Sirius. “I know he’s a – pardon my language - dick. But he knows his stuff. If he was really working as a spy all these years as everyone says, then really he must be doing something right closing his mind.”

“Well, I always knew he was closed-minded…”

Sirius clapped Harry on the shoulder, grinning.

“You got  _that_  right,” said Sirius.

.

Sirius was getting tetchy. He had sent a Patronus to Snape. He was starting to doubt Snape would answer. Then there was a sound from the front door and Sirius grinned to himself. When Snape stepped inside, taking off his scarf, Sirius wiped his face blank.

“That was very stupid of you,” said Snape, foregoing a greeting. “Anyone could have seen or recognized it.”

“I remembered you saying Tuesdays eight o’clock you are usually in your office doing the first year essay corrections.”

“Emphasis on usually.”

“Should I have sent you an owl, maybe Floo’d you?” Sirius demanded.

“You should have waited until I contacted you,” said Snape, pacing.

“After our disagreement the other day, I wasn’t sure you would.” Arthur and then later even Remus interrogated him about it, and how foolish and inappropriate it was to disrespect Snape in front all the children. Sirius kept his mouth shut with difficulty.

“And yet, here I am. I must admit this was as good an excuse as any to stop reading those horrific essays.”

“Mhm. Of course. That’s the only reason. Wait here, I’ll be just a second,” said Sirius. He went to the kitchen and took back a bottle of quality elvish wine with him. “Happy birthday, sunshine!” Sirius said cheerfully and deposited the bottle in Snape’s hands.

Snape had a most peculiar expression on his face. Half-surprise, half-indecision, but Sirius thought Snape looked touched although of course he would never outright show it.

“Do I have to check this for poison?” Snape asked.

“Only if you want to waste your oh so precious time. You don’t have to open it now. I really didn’t know what to get you. So.” Sirius pushed his hands into his jeans pockets. He didn’t understand why he was suddenly feeling so nervous.

Snape inspected the bottle from outside, then put it down on a small coffee table.

“Hoping to get me intoxicated?” he murmured at last. He looked up Sirius from behind his curtains of long hair.

“Rather hoping to get you into a somewhat good mood, to be honest. In retrospect that was a too big of an expectation.”

“Quite. Those essays were tragical.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to talk about how belladonna leaves and beatle eyes react horribly.”

“That is incorrect -”

“I don’t care,” said Sirius and pretty much pushed himself up against Snape, right into his personal space. He whispered, “I have another surprise for you” into Snape’s ear. He caught Snape’s right hand and brought it around himself and down the back of his jeans. Snape’s black eyes were glittering strangely. “Go on, feel it. I’m all prepared and ready for the taking.”

Snape’s hand was still cold from outside when he slid his hand between Sirius’ cheeks and probed with his fingers. Sirius swallowed, but did not look away. He let Snape feel how wet with lubricant and loose he was for him. Snape pulled him closer by the arse and then Sirius could feel that Snape’s body was not unresponsive to it after all. Even through several layers of clothing Snape’s hardness was branded against his leg. Snape let out an involuntary low throaty sound.

“All for you. I was thinking of you while I was touching myself, getting myself ready for your cock.”

Snape pushed his finger deeper inside Sirius, curled it a bit. Sirius keened. “But it wasn’t enough, was it?”

“No,” breathed Sirius. “Still felt empty. I wanted you inside me…”

Snape pushed against Sirius’ prostrate once more, then withdrew his finger entirely. He drew his wand and before Sirius could so much as protest, he was pushed against a cushion, hands bound together and placed above his head. It was Snape who undressed him, unbuttoned his jeans and then slid them down over Sirius’ hips and legs. Sirius was glad he had foregone the underwear. Snape’s eyes were full of hunger when he kneeled down in front of Sirius. The scorching intensity Snape often applied in his hate, was now directed to sucking Sirius’ dick and Sirius couldn’t do one thing about it. When Sirius moaned wantonly, Snape suddenly stopped.

“Don’t make a sound,” said Snape dangerously. Sirius’ dick throbbed in anticipation.

Snape, Sirius discovered, had a lovely mouth that was practically made for giving blowjobs. Several minutes of sucking and stroking and licking later, Sirius came down his throat. He swallowed, but avoided Sirius’ eyes like he was ashamed. Of what, Sirius had no idea. He just gave Sirius his best blowjob ever. Snape stood up.

“Your turn,” said Sirius, nodding at Snape’s prominent bulge. He was about to go to his knees, when Snape stopped him and turned him around. He couldn’t see, just hear the sound of Snape pulling his dick out and the next thing he knew was Snape breaching him in one powerful thrust that pushed Sirius right up against the cushions. The slap slap slap of skin on skin was loud in the otherwise empty house, but it didn’t take long – in minutes Snape went still and came inside Sirius with a few shallow thrusts. Sirius wished he could ask Snape to wait, to leave his slowly softening dick inside him a bit longer… He didn’t. It felt too intimate.

When Snape withdrew, he deliberately dragged his wet cock between Sirius’ cheeks, smearing come over his arse and then one of his hands crept back down and with his index finger he pushed some of the come that had spilled out back into Sirius. Sirius shuddered, but didn’t speak. He had learnt his lesson: no sound equaled rewards.

“Very good,” Snape only said as he turned to leave. He only cancelled the binding spell when he was halfway out the door.

.

“I thought you said‘never’.” Sirius raised his head to look at Remus and then dropped back on his bed.

“ _Never_  this good,” said Sirius. Then he realized how it sounded. “I didn’t mean it like that – that it wasn’t good… between us.”

“It’s fine, Sirius,” said Remus. He was eyeing the bikini-clad Muggle girls on the poster of Sirius’ wall with some intrigue. Sirius did him a favour and put some pants on. Remus turned around when he deigned it safe for him to look. “So. You and Snape. Again.”

“I’m quite certain he would go crazy if he knew that you know. Not there really is anything to know about by the by.”

“Tell that to my nose.”

“Oh, sorry about that, Moony. I uh, was rather fucked out - I mean knackered - last night,” Sirius told him flushing. Remus seemed to have caught the slip of tongue. It was true anyway, after Snape left Sirius pretty much just dragged his arse back to his own bed and fell asleep.

“I’m just,” Remus put his hands in his hair, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m still shocked about you two. And I know, I’ve had more than a decade to get used to the idea…”

“Believe me, Moony, I’m the most surprised of all. With our history you would think that it will end in disaster and stop entirely… but then we just -”

“Have a huge fight and then have sex afterwards?”

“That is a disturbingly accurate description,” nodded Sirius. Remus was staring at his stomach. When Sirius followed his eyes, he knew at once what he was looking at. I was a prominent love bite. Sirius had the urge to cover it up, he wanted it to be private – something just for himself.

“So, things are going well?”

“So far so good, but I don’t want to jinx it.”

“I am happy for you, Sirius. You deserve to have somebody in your life,” said Remus.

_Good old Remus_ , thought Sirius,  _he had his heart broken by you and yet he still wishes all the best for you in relationships_.

“I just worry sometimes, Moony. Where is this all going? I can’t imagine me and Snape being out together. He would never go for it, I know that.”

“You can’t know that. Maybe you just need to be patient with him. We both know he doesn’t forgive easily.”

“If ever,” said Sirius bitterly.

“You like him,” said Remus in wonder. Sirius shook his head.

“I don’t, not really – I mean it’s complicated. He’s Snape. He has a horrible personality.”

“Some would argue that you do too,” said Remus fairly.

“Touché. The point is, we are compatible in one area only and that is -”

“Yes, no need to elaborate.” Sirius pointed a finger in Remus’ direction meaning‘I got it’.

“But all the other aspects of life we argue constantly and butt heads.”

“The news of you almost hexing each other in the middle of the kitchen reached me, yes.”

“That was unfortunate. I didn’t mean anyone to see it. Well, Harry happened to be there, but he would have surely understood.”

Remus chuckled in a disbelieving way, then sobered up a bit. “Look, if you really like him and want all this,” Here he pointed at Sirius’ hickey and waved at his body, while scrunching up his face, “to mean something, you need to talk to him.”

Sirius considered this. After a minute of deliberation he shook his head. “No. You don’t know how he can be. I either have this or nothing.”

“And you choose this,” said Remus. Sirius inclined his head.

“Call me horny, but it’s still better than nothing.”

“Well, good luck with that.” Remus headed for the door. Sirius grabbed his arm.

“Meaning?”

“I’m sure you realize that sooner or later one of you will imbalance this thing between you. You can’t keep doing this until the end of time, something will change.”

“But until then I get to have sex. Really fucking great sex.”

Remus just raised his eyes skyward.

.

There was a noise from the front door. Sirius sat up straight in his chair. There was a muffled bang and then silence. Sirius’ wand was in his hand in an instant. He crept out into the drawing room and then slowly to the entrance hall. There was a body on the floor. Sirius lit his wand and almost dropped it in shock. It was Snape. He ran there and turned Snape’s body over. Checked for a pulse. There was one, very weak, but it was there. Sirius dragged Snape’s body into the drawing room and onto the settee.

“Ennervate.”

Snape’s eyes opened and suddenly he was frantic. He tried to sit up, but Sirius pushed him back down.

“What happened?”

“What I am doing here?” asked Snape, looking at his surroundings and knocking Sirius’ hand away.

“You tell me. I found you unconscious just inside the house and you are bleeding.” Sirius pointed at his temple.

Snape pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes as if in frustration.

“Do you have salve?”

“Do I -? You must be joking! First tell me what happened! How can I heal you if I don’t know the circumstances?”

“I don’t require your assistance in healing me. A simple salve will do until I get back to Hogwarts, but if you can’t even do that -” Sirius put his palm over Snape’s mouth. Snape shook it off. “I would have preferred not to have a student or Dolores Umbridge notice my injuries, but I will have to do without.”

“Oh, shut up. I have something to stop the bleeding in one of the bathroom cabinets,” said Sirius. He Accio’d it from upstairs and opened the jar to apply it. He scooped a bit onto his index finger, but Snape stopped him.

“I can do it myself.” Sirius pulled his hand away.

“I said shut up, Snape and bear it. I will put this goo on your face and you will take it. Yes, you can do it, but for whatever reason you decided to stop by and collapse on my welcome mat, so now you will have to suffer through my medical assistance.”

Thankfully Snape did not protest anymore as Sirius applied the healing salve with gentle fingers. He was watching Sirius with an unscrutable expression.

“Now. Tell me.”

“I can’t,” said Snape coldly. “I am a spy and this is none of your business.”

“You made it my business by coming here.”

“This is the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. A supposed safe place. I came here because I’m sure Umbridge would have a lot of questions and I wished to avoid those.”

Sirius said a few choice swear words under his breath. “Merlin, you are so annoying. Fine. Don’t tell me. What do I even care?”

“I did something stupid,” said Snape very reluctantly.

“But your cover was not blown, was it?”

Snape looked at Sirius like he was stupid. It was funny considering he had a blob of green stuff on the side of his head.

“If my cover was blown I would be dead already. No, Pettigrew’s metal arm is more permanent than it looks.”

“Wormtail did this?” asked Sirius, incredulous. He could not believe that his dislike of the man could possibly grow further, but hearing that he struck Snape, it did. Sirius was furious.

“It has a life of its own. I tried to disattach it while he was napping, but the thing moved even before he woke up. Like I said,  _stupid_. Dumbledore should have believed me that if the Dark Lord gave it to Wormtail, it couldn’t be removed.”

“I can’t believe you are trying to save Wormtail of all people,” said Sirius quietly. Snape looked at him sideways.

“Dumbledore insists on bringing him to justice,” said Snape. He sounded disgusted, like someone who did not approve of this plan.

“Next time I meet him, I will wring his neck, fuck Dumbledore’s plan. He needs to die for what he did.”

“He is also the way to get your name cleared, so it is in your best interest that he talks first.”

Sirius wanted to say that he didn’t care about that, but it would have been a lie. He wanted nothing more than to be free. “Nevertheless he deserves to die for what he did to them.”

Snape looked away, but Sirius saw how his throat worked, like he swallowed something bad. Snape’s face was unnaturally pale.

“I don’t know how you do it. How you keep interacting with him, knowing what a lowlife cowardly traitor he is,” growled Sirius.

“Almost all of them are. Some say I am too.” Sirius knew that Snape wanted a reaction out of him.

“Dumbledore trusts you,” said Sirius simply.

“He is the only one it seems.” Snape sounded bitter.

_Why are you so surprised, you don’t let anyone in, you don’t share a thing about yourself_ , thought Sirius.

“How is your head? You are not injured anywhere else, are you?”

“Not about to bleed out on your three hundred year old carpet, no.”

Sirius ignored him. “I can ask Kreacher to make you up a bed in the guest room.”

“No need. I have to get back to the school.” Snape stood up. He didn’t seem too sure on his feet.

“Are you sure you can Apparate?”  _You look like you are about to collapse_.

“I will Floo to Minerva’s office.”

“Or you could sleep in my bed.” Snape had that‘I’m done with you’ expression on his face, the one that in other circumstances would have made Sirius crack up.

“If you could for one second forget about your unnatural libido -”

“Just to sleep. Like I have offered you a dozen times before, I told you could stay the night.”

Sirius watched as Snape made his way to the fireplace.

“I’m glad you came here.”

“You are a terrible nurse,” said Snape, grabbing a handful of Floo powder and throwing it into the fire.

“Well, you haven’t seen all of it. You know, I specialize in prostrate exams.” As Snape stepped in the green fire and said his destination, he looked back at Sirius rolling his eyes heavenward.

.

Winter slowly turned into spring. The bare threes started to bloom, the cold foggy weather turned milder. And all through it Sirius Black could only watch from inside. It was almost worse than in Azkaban. There at least you had no windows to see the the seasons changing, you completely lost all sense of time; whereas here in the real world Sirius felt like a sturdy tree in a hurricane – barely standing, but unable to move while everything around him changed. It was driving him mad and frustrated and restless, like a Muggle bomb before an explosion.

In all of this, the only thing that was keeping him somewhat sane to his greatest surprise was, Snape. He didn’t care if Sirius was angry, because often he was even angrier. Snape always found something to complain about – students, Order members, in rare cases even other Death Eaters. He didn’t go into rants or anything, but every time he was ready with a cutting remark. He of course wouldn’t hear a word from Sirius, since according to him, Sirius was safely caccooned in his family home with no assignments other than‘stay where you are’. So Sirius of course had plenty of arguments with him, where he offered to change places if Snape wished.

It all started to go downhill around Easter holidays. All of a sudden Snape stopped showing up other than for Order meetings and he wouldn’t look at Sirius throughout the whole thing. At one point Sirius had had enough. While everyone else was occupied with putting away the plans and discussing missions, Sirius saw Snape stand up and slip out. He caught Snape just in time by getting hold of the sleeve of his robe.

“Let go of me, Black,” hissed Snape, looking behind Sirius to check if someone was coming.

“What is your problem?” asked Sirius. He lowered his voice. “You haven’t come over in a while…”

“I am busy. Leading a double life does not offer as much free time as lounging at home all day.”

Sirius glared daggers at Snape, desperate to think of a reason not to punch Snape.  _Why shouldn’t he, really? Oh, the fantastic sex. Right_.

“Just tell me what I did! I don’t think I insulted you any more than usual or tried to offer you comfort or even tried to nurse you back to health -”

“Not everything is about you, Black,” said Snape.

“If it is not my fault then why wouldn’t you come over?”

“You really don’t know.”

“Clearly,” said Sirius, getting exasperated.

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell – unless it was to save his skin…” Snape was speaking to himself, Sirius raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Well? Going to tell me?”

“Someone… reminded me of the past, made me realize why I shouldn’t be around you.”

Sirius was speechless. “What? I can’t believe Remus would do something like that.”

“It matters not. What’s done is done and I have far more urgent things to settle than  _this_.” He made a sudden hand gesture and tore his forearm out of Sirius’ holding.

“So it is about me after all,” said Sirius.

“It is about our history you so easily tend to forget about. Of all the things you have done -”

Snape broke off, when a door opened and half a dozen Order members filed out of the room the meeting had been held in. Snape was out of the house before Sirius could even open his mouth in answer. He collapsed against the wall, unable to do anything. It was how Minerva McGonagall found him a few minutes later.

“Up to no good?” she asked.

Sirius blinked. “Sorry?”

“This is how you and James Potter always looked when you have done something you shouldn’t have. Leaning against vertical surfaces, trying to act casual.”

Sirius sighed and shook his head, giving her a mournful smile. “This is me not being able to do what I should be doing. Being stuck here instead of _fighting_  for what’s important.”

“Dumbledore says it is going to be sooner rather than later. There will be war and you will be able to fight. But until then we need you to be safe. _Potter_  needs you. You might not consider yourself a real father figure for him, but I assure you that your godson thinks of you as such. And it is essential that he be safe. Do you understand?”

Sirius looked at McGonagall’s wise old face and nodded. He didn’t understand, not really. He was no father figure. He was barely a self-sufficient adult as it was, not someone a teenager should look up to. He drank, he cussed and generally speaking had no idea what he was doing and where his life was going. But he knew that he would protect Harry with his last breath. Harry was an extention of James, but he was also his own person and Sirius happened to like that person. In many ways he was just like James – good to the core, honest, brave. Sirius considered himself none of those things. He was broken; but more than that he was not honorable or kind or thoughful. He was innately selfish. He wouldn’t care if the whole world collapsed if he and his closest friends were safe and sound.

Snape was right, Sirius was not someone a decent person should be around. But then again Snape couldn’t exactly take the moral high ground here. It was just as much his fault that Lily and James were dead as it was Sirius’. Sirius did not know the extend of Snape’s crimes, but he could imagine. You didn’t just get a Dark Mark for nothing - you tortured, you killed, you did whatever Voldemort told you - unless you wanted to die. At least that is what Sirius gathered from his twelve years in prison with a bunch of Death Eaters and criminals.

The Quaffle was in Snape’s court now, Sirius had no say in the proceedings. His past was catching up to him.

.

When Harry told Sirius and Remus what happened with the Pensieve it suddenly all made sense. Of course Snape was pissed if he had to be reminded of his greatest humiliation in front of Lily. The reason she stopped speaking to him entirely, the point from which forward they were no longer friends. And all of it Snape associated with Sirius.

Sirius had thought it through several times. There was no other option, but to confront Snape about it. In the end it didn’t even matter whether he forgave Sirius, the important thing was that he resumed his Occlumency lessons with Harry.

Remus had already made an attempt at consoling him, but was unsuccessful. Sirius needed to get over his aversion to asking Snape for favours. This was not a favour, this was a necessity for survival. Harry needed to learn to close his mind to Voldemort.

The day of the talk came. Sirius even prepared a little speech. Needless to say he forgot the elegant expressions and convincing arguments on why Snape should go back to giving Harry private lessons. The monologue really wasn’t coming together.

“Look. Get over yourself, Harry doesn’t care about what he saw -”

“He told you?” said Snape in askance.

“Of course he did. I’m his godfather. But I thought you knew this. I though Remus told you.”

“Lupin made it seem like Potter really wished I resumed our lessons. He never mentioned Potter telling everything when I explicitly told him not to, that little brat…” Snape spat out a bunch of unintelligable words.

“Well, he did. And we were the only ones he told, I am certain. He felt sorry -”

“I don’t need Potter’s pity!” shouted Snape.

“He felt sorry for what James did to you, what we all did,” Sirius told him. “Hope you are happy that he is doubting his dead father’s memory.”

“Maybe you are as in love with Potter as you were with his father.”

Sirius was so shocked he only sputtered for a few long seconds. Then, he said evenly, “There is only one person I ever loved. And although he claims to be unusually intelligent he fails to see what’s in front of his stupid face, what’s always been there for him to take. He just can’t seem to see through all that hate he’s bottled up his whole life.” Sirius exhaled. With great force of will he continued to look Snape right in the eyes.

“If this was your best attempt to get me to keep teaching Potter Occlumency, I’m afraid you’ve once again failed miserably. I don’t know what you’re playing at, nor do I care. Potter has little chance of ever learning how to close his mind, especially from me, which is exactly what I told Dumbledore. Now, was there anything worth my time you wanted to do or -”

“No chance of changing your mind about this?” Sirius asked finally.

“Let’s just say Potter that has a much better chance of becoming a true Seer than ever learning a sufficient amount of Occlumency.”

Sirius sighed. Then slowly, the side of his mouth turned up. “Fine. Do you want to see the poster collection in my old room?”

“Really?” Snape curled his lip mockingly. “Is that the line you’re going with?”

“Well, it’s going to work, isn’t it?” Sirius asked as he turned his back on Snape knowing he would follow.

.

“I’m already regretting this.” Snape was sitting on the sofa, holding the Saturday paper while Sirius was trying to distract him. So far it was working wonderfully.

“Come on, put it away. It’s  _boring_! You hear the news sooner than practically anyone else in the country.”

“I came to this place today hoping that nobody was going to bother me while drinking my ten o’clock tea and reading the morning paper. Clearly I was deluded to think that you could stop being annoying even for a few minutes.”

“Aww, don’t sweet talk me, Snape,” said Sirius. He threw his leg over Snape’s and leered at him, waggling his eyebrows. Snape rolled his eyes. “Come on, give up the pretense and let’s get to the point.”

“In this the point being what exactly?”

“You coming here to have sexy times with me of course.”

“ _Of course_ ,” repeated Snape doubtfully. He brushed away Sirius’ hand that was trying to unbutton his black shirt. He was still acting he like was immensed in reading the weekend edition of the Daily Prophet. Sirius rubbed his hand against Snape’s crotch to which Snape answer with a truly satisfying uneven inhale. Sirius rewarded himself with a small private smile that Snape couldn’t see from behind the newspaper. Sirius continued stroking Snape through the material of his trousers until he felt him respond.

“Good late morning to you my old friend,” said Sirius leaning toward Snape.

“Er -” said Remus to the room at large, trying to look anywhere, but at the two man sitting close together on the settee.

Sirius pulled his hand away from Snape’s dick like he had been burnt and in a quick procession of actions Snape went from statue still to dropping the Prophet conveniently in his lap and dislocating Sirius’ leg from his body.

“Hey,” said Sirius, suddenly unusually cheerful. “I didn’t know you were coming by today. I would have made you a… hot chocolate? Tea maybe?” Sirius knew very well he had never offered his friend a hot beverage before in his life.

“No, thank you. I don’t want to impose. Um, you can go back to whatever you were doing before I interrupted.” Remus looked pretty uncomfortable indeed, Sirius thought.

“We were not doing anything,” said Snape his voice cold and hard. “I won’t try to fathom what you think you saw us doing, but most likely your werewolves senses are failing you.”

“Hey, take it easy,” said Sirius in what he hoped was a calming voice.

“Shut up, Black.” Snape stood up, throwing the rolled up newspaper so that it hit Sirius right in the chest. “Well. This was an entirely wasted morning. I don’t make the mistake of coming here again to have some peace from loud, immature wizards when obviously you are one of them.”

“Don’t blame me. You were stalling. If it was on me we would have long been in the middle of -”

“Shut up,” hissed Snape in his most menacing fashion. Sirius just raised an eyebrow in amusement that Snape thought his intimidation techniques would work on him. He grabbed his cloak and left in a flurry of black.

“That was interesting,” Remus observed. Sirius starfished on the sofa in defeat. He made a noise of agreement. “I apologize for showing up unannounced. If I knew you had plans I wouldn’t have come.”

“It’s fine. He too showed up unexpectedly.”

“You know this is the first time I’ve seen the two of you… together.”

“Good job cockblocking me, Moony. Who knows if he ever comes back.”

“I said I was sorry. Should I drag him back by force? I could, you know. I’m very strong.”

Sirius shook his head, giving his friend a tired smile. “I’m not angry and it’s not your fault. And of course I know you are strong, once Padfoot was thrown up in the air and landed ten feet away in a rose bush.”

“It’s true, I’m stronger on full moons.”

Sirius stood up and hugged his friend. Remus was polite enough not to tell him that he smelt strongly of Snape.

“Do you want a tea? I might even have a block of chocolate in the pantry waiting just for you to eat it.”

“How could I say no to that?” smiled Remus and followed Sirius into the kitchen.

They settled at the table with their drinks and Remus with his signature chocolate.

“So, what’s going on in your life, mate?” Sirius asked.

“To be perfectly honest, I’m still in shock of seeing you and Snape in an almost domestic manner.”

Sirius choked on his mouthful of tea. “Domestic manner? You should have your eyes checked, Remus. I was in the middle of seducing him with my charming words and clever hands!” Sirius protested. “You just interrupted a perfectly good game of foreplay. A minute more and I would have reached skin -”

“I  _really_  did not need to know that.” Remus shuddered.

“Now you do, so you can plan your visits with more forethought.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, Padfoot. Isn’t Snape showing up randomly?”

“He is,” Sirius agreed grudgingly. “Oh, hell. Don’t listen to me. I’m just bummed I’m not getting any this weekend apparently.”

“You will forgive me if I don’t feel sorry for you, Sirius. You would most likely faint in shock if I told you when the last time was I‘got any’.”

“Completely your fault, mate. You are a good looking bloke with a full head of hair and a pert arse -”

“Sirius!” Remus exclaimed in shock and embarrassment. Sirius was unapologetic.

“Well, it is true. You are the ultimate right guy. As Witch Weekly would say, husband material.”

“Been reading Witch Weekly lately?”

“Molly Weasley left a few editions here after Christmas. They were extremely educational. Now I understand why I’m attracted to the ones I cannot ever have. I fully blame my emotionally absent mother.”

“That would explain a few things,” smiled Remus, breaking off a piece of chocolate and popping it in his mouth.

“But enough about me. Have you asked out our lovely Tonks already?”

“You know I haven’t.”

“Yes, I do. Otherwise you wouldn’t be wearing an expression this sour.”

“Sirius…” Remus was glaring obstinately into his tea cup like he was hoping to get all the answers of the universe.

“No. Remus, you listen! Ask her out already! Be the fearless Gryffindor I know you are!” Sirius said this rather sharply. His friend had his lips pursed tightly closed. “Look -”

“I don’t want to ruin her life!” shouted Remus, pushing his chair back. Sirius stared at him uncomprehending.

“What? Why would you –? Oh Merlin, you are so stupid, Moony! She doesn’t care that you are a werewolf. Not everyone does. Your friends, your family, even the Order Members are fine with it. They know you, and so it’s clear to them that you are the gentlest man who ever existed. Like Hagrid, but without a penchant for lethal creatures.”

“Sirius, don’t.”

“What do I have to do for you to change your mind about this? I will gladly dance naked at the next Order meeting, so that on the off change that she rejects you, you will still only be the second most embarrassing bloke in the room.”

“You would love to dance naked, wouldn’t you?” said Remus wryly, settling down in his chair.

“Of course I would. Snape wouldn’t know where to look or what to do.”

“I’m so glad my happiness could play into your Snape torture…”

.

Sirius deep down knew he was sulking, but in his current form the feelings were subdued. Buckbeak was pecking on a chicken bone behind him and the dog found the sound comforting. Padfoot was curled in on himself on the dusty attic floor when he heard the footsteps. His sensitive nose soon knew who was coming, even before the person stepped over the threshold. Padfoot pretended to be asleep.

“I can see you are awake, so you can quit with your poor acting,” said Snape. Padfoot opened his eyes and looked at him, trying to convey how unimpressed he was. Snape eyed the Hippogryff with distaste.

“Your choice in friends is once again questionable.” Buckbeak raised his head in Snape’s direction like he actually considered attacking him for the insult. In the end he went back to eating his bones.

“There will be a meeting downstairs in ten minutes and I volunteered to inform you. Poor choice on my part.” Padfoot huffed and rested his hand on his hind side.

“I will drag you down by your mane or so god help me, if you don’t move.” When Padfoot remained where he was, Snape pulled out his wand. Padfoot growled at the end of the wooden stick. “Black, get your lazy arse down to the meeting room this instant. I won’t ask more than once.” He extended his other hand toward Padfoot and rubbed the side of his muzzle. The dog melted against his hand. He pulled his hand away, and walked out of the room. “You don’t want Dumbledore coming up to get you. You should know better than most how he is when he’s angry.”

Sirius caught up with him on the second landing. Snape considered him for a few seconds then said, “You look like you just rolled around in a sea of dust.”

Sirius shook himself bodily, but the action wasn’t as successful as it would have been in dog form.

“Well, you know me. I’m all about being dirty.”

.

Some days you just woke up and had a feeling that something big was about to happen the next twenty-four hours. Sirius Black didn’t. It started out as a very ordinary day. Breakfast, reading Quidditch Weekly, doing the weekly washing, cooking a lousy lunch, listening to the Wireless. Only when Sirius went up to do the evening feeding of the Hippogryff did he notice something was off. Instead of the usually happy sound he gave when Sirius appeared in his attic room, Buckbeak was slumped on the floor, his feathers dark with blood. It had taken a long time for Sirius to get the Hippogryff to let him see the wound. It wasn’t as bad as it looked at first. The cut was shallow and was most likely caused by a rusty sharp rod that used to serve as part of Walburga’s metal headboard. In the past it was securely connected to the bed Buckbeak was used to sleeping on, but when Sirius found it, the object was on the floor not far from the bed, dark with fresh blood. Sirius attended to Buckbeak’s wound, cleaned it and wrapped it up.

He was just on his way to have a little lie-in when a Patronus appeared in front of him. It was a silver doe, shimmering in the dark corridor. It was vaguely familiar to Sirius. When it opened its mouth it spoke in Snape’s urgent voice.

“Black. If you are alive and safe at the Headquarters get back to me immediately. I think Potter had a vision of you having been kidnapped to the Department of Mysteries and currently being tortured by the Dark Lord. Umbridge got hold of him and his friends. Him, Granger and Umbridge are headed down to the Forbidden Forest. I have been following their progress from the castle. If they do not return soon I will go after them. I will keep you informed. Stay where you are and send a return Patronus with word of your whereabouts.” The doe disappeared.

Sirius wasted no time sending his own Patronus to Snape saying he was fine and still at Grimmauld Place. The black dog bounded off with his answer.

Sirius was pacing in front of the fireplace when Remus arrived, soon followed by Kingsley, Tonks and Mad-Eye Moody. Snape contacted all of them and they decided to come to check up on Sirius. In other circumstances Sirius would have been really touched by their concern.

“Any news from Snape?” Remus asked him.

“No, not since his first message. You don’t think something happened to him?” Sirius replied, now concerned for both Harry and Hermione and Snape. He had heard Umbridge was a nasty piece of work.

“Snape can take care of himself,” said Kingsley in his deep, slow voice.

“Kingsley’s right, but something must have happened to the kids if Snape still hasn’t managed to find them,” said Tonks.

“Don’t forget the Forest is enormous and if Snape doesn’t know where they were headed, it can take a while,” Remus reminded her.

“We should go after them,” said Sirius suddenly. Everyone looked at him.

“We are not going anywhere,” growled Moody. “Especially you who that Umbridge woman is after. We will give Snape a few hours more, and if he still hasn’t sent a message by then, only then, Tonks and I will go check up on him. The Ministry cannot know about this.”

Sirius turned his back on Moody and swore. This was stupid. They were wasting time, while Harry and Snape could be in danger. Dumbledore had been expecting something like this.

“When is Dumbledore to arrive?” asked Remus, like he read Sirius’ mind.

“He said he would stop by around midnight,” Kingsley supplied.

.

Sirius was going out of his mind with frustration and stress. “Okay, this is getting unbearable. We have been waiting for what seems like a whole fucking day. They ran into trouble for sure. I mean, have you met Harry? His middle name should be trouble.”

“I’m starting to think Sirius has the right idea,” offered Remus. “It has been, what, three or four hours now?”

“Let me send Snape another Patronus -”

“No. If he is in enemy territory or with the ministry woman a Patronus from any of us would blow his cover and could endanger the whole Order. If we are to trust Snape as Dumbledore thinks we should, then we wait until he makes contact.”

“When this is over we should station some guards in the school if something like this were to happen in the future,” said Tonks.

“Good idea. We will discuss it with Dumbledore when he gets here,” said Moody, his fake eye moving around a bit until it settled on her.

“This is fucking torture.” Sirius stood up and started pacing around the room again.

“I don’t think Harry was imagining this kind of torture in his vision,” said Remus mildly.

“He shouldn’t be having those visions! Dumbledore should have been teaching him!”

“Don’t go around blaming Dumbledore for the boy’s shortcomings.”

“What is that supposed to mean, Moody?” demanded Sirius, rounding on the Auror.

“Well, for one, the boy should have studied much harder closing his mind. If he can’t learn it from Snape, he can’t learn in from anyone.”

“To be fair, Snape is a truly awful teacher,” Tonks piped in. “And before you say it, Mad-Eye, I know that Snape knows his subjects well, but his people skills are really lacking. I heard -”

But at that moment Snape’s doe Patronus landed lightly in the room and said, “I couldn’t find Potter and Granger in the woods, nor Umbridge. And now others have escaped from their captors in Umbridge’s room: the two Weasleys, Longbottom, Lovegood. I have reason to suspect they are headed toward or are currently in the Ministry of Magic. I will remain here in Hogwarts to monitor the place and see if they do turn up after all. You should head to the Department of Mysteries and bring them back. I want Black to stay back at Headquarters and inform Dumbledore of what happened when he arrives later tonight. And I do mean  _stay_ , Black.” Snape’s Patronus disintegrated into thin air. Leaving a few seconds of silence and then all at once they turned into motion, grabbing wands and cloaks and running toward the front door. Sirius followed them without a second thought.

“What are you doing, didn’t you hear what Snape said?” Remus asked him.

“If you thought for even a second that I will stay here while Harry might be in danger, you don’t know me at all,” Sirius snarled back.

“But who will tell Dumbledore?”

“What do I care who tells him? Harry could be fighting for his life this second -”

“- then Dumbledore coming to his rescue would be his best bet,” Remus finished for him in his annoyingly practical voice.

“Fine. Kreacher!” Sirius shouted. There was a pop and the house elf appeared in front of Sirius. Under his breath he was currently complaining about having been woken up by his master’s loud voice. Sirius silenced him. “Kreacher, I order you to tell Dumbledore when he arrives here that I and a few other Order members left for the Ministry of Magic in search of Harry Potter and five other students. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Kreacher understands more than Master thinks,” he said in his croaking voice. He was smiling, and it was not a particularly nice smile.

“As soon as he arrives you will tell Albus Dumbledore that we had left for the Ministry of Magic?”

“Kreacher will, Master.”

“Good.” Sirius spared the elf a last look hoping to deliver all his dislike then he dragged Remus out of the house.

After that everything happened very fast. They Disapparated in the empty square and reappeared outside the Ministry, ran inside to the Atrium then down to the Department of Mysteries. They knew at once that something was wrong, the whole place was completely empty of life, everywhere the usual guards missing or Stunned. It took them a while to find their way inside the Department of Mysteries. Sirius could not remember ever having been inside. They found the fiery‘x’-es burnt into some of the doors in the circular black hall, which at least helped them rule out some of the many options. As it turned out they shouldn’t have followed that logic. Checking the rooms without the‘x’-es brought them no closer to finding the right room.

After what felt like forever, Mad-Eye and Kingsley managed to blast open two doors at the same time. And this time it was the place they had been looking for. Sirius had no time to admire the large, dark rectangular amphiteatre-like room with a deep stone pit in its middle, for Harry and Neville were still fighting the Death Eaters. Only few of them Sirius knew by their names – Malfoy with his blond hair, Dolohov with his long pale face and Bellatrix of course, gaunt with that mad look in her eyes.

The five of them sent out a dozen spells in quick succession, but the surprise of their appearance was not long-lived. Sirius threw himself into duelling with Dolohov. It was a glorious feeling. He had forgotten how much he missed the thrill of the fight, how much he enjoyed using his wand for something other than basic household spells. With Harry’s perfectly timed Stunning spell Dolohov fell backwards like an ugly human-shaped statue. Sirius shouted at him approvingly and then told him to get the hell out of there. The next second he missed a jet of green light coming his way by a stroke of luck. He proceeded to charge at Bellatrix. She deflected his spells and jinxes with a swish of her wand. She was good, better than good even, clearly her Master had been teaching her as a reward for her faith and sacrifice. Sirius knew she would be hard to beat. He had a fleeting thought of wishing Snape was there, fighting alongside him. Sirius suspected Snape wasn’t a big fan of Bellatrix either. She continued sending curses left and right at Sirius, so Sirius had little time to see how the others were faring. He knew Tonks was down and Moody possibly injured, but he also knew Remus would protect Harry and the other boy with his own life. Sirius had no time to wonder who blasted Malfoy off so that he landed close to where Sirius was duelling Bellatrix on the dais, but it did not stop the bastard from continuing to cast hexes. Then there was even more yelling from the other side of the room. In the corner of his eye Sirius could still see Harry’s dark hair and just that one fact settled Sirius’ nerves. His adrenaline was flying high. He saw Bellatrix throw a curse at him, and Sirius expected it, he ducked easily from the jet of right light, so that he was standing just in front of the arch.

“Come on, you can do better than that!” he yelled at Bellatrix. The second curse reached him before he could even raise his wand or wipe the laugh off of his face. He felt the force of the magic behind it as it pushed him backwards. And then there was nothing.

.

After what felt like a minute, Sirius opened his eyes. He was lying just inches away from the veil. With enormous effort he rolled further away from it. He didn’t know what the thing did, but he suspected nothing good would come of his touching it again. Sirius turned his head to the other side and saw that he indeed was in the same room he remembered being in the last time he had been awake. But the room way empty and dark and undisturbed. From what he could see from the position he was in, the steps leading down to the pit and the stone benches appeared to be undamaged. The last thing he could recall was falling through the veil while time stopped. It was like a slowed down Muggle film – Bellatrix’s face turning into a jeer, several other people looking their way, Remus, maybe Harry. That was all. After that he only remembered a peaceful light and then landing on the cold stone floor of this bloody room. If only he wasn’t so tired…

.

When he woke again, it was to an unknown man staring down at him. He even had his mouth open.

“Er – would you mind helping me up?” asked Sirius. The man – probably in his thirties – pulled him up into a sitting position. Even that took an effort.

“Where did you come from?” asked the man.

“Depends. What’s the date today?” Sirius wanted to know. He really hoped he didn’t get himself into some time-travelling fiasco.

“18 June, 1998,” said the man.

“Oh god,” groaned Sirius. “I travelled back two years into the future. I hope I can tell you that, since you look like an Unspeakable.”

“My name is Branston. Timothy Branston. I do work as an Unspeakable. And as such I can tell you that you did no such thing. That thing behind you is no Time-Travel device. It’s called the Death Veil and I think you just came out of it which is quite exceptional. It has never happened before as far as I know.”

“So what you are saying is that I was dead?”

“One way to make sure, isn’t there? I will call a friend of mine who also works here who used to be a Mediwizard. He can determine if you have been clinically dead.”

“That’s all very nice, but I need to make sure somebody is all right.”

“We can send a message to a relative of yours, of course. I’m sorry. I should have offered before.”

“But you wanted to make sure I wasn’t an Inferi.”

“Inferis don’t look like you,” said Branston.

“Fine, smart guy. I’m too tired to argue with you. I just want to know if Harry is all right.”

“By full name? Address I can the owl to?”

“Uh, I don’t know where he might be staying. The name is Harry Potter.”

“Harry Potter?”

“Don’t tell me never heard of him. It would be my luck to run into the one man who has never heard of Harry Potter.”

“I have heard of him. Who are you?”

“Er,” said Sirius who had hoped it would be much later this question was asked from him. “A relative of his.”

“He has no living relatives, other than those Muggles,” Branston pointed out.

“I’m his godfather. You might have heard of me? Sirius Black.”

Branston did look surprised, but thankfully not scared. Maybe two years were enough for his name to be forgotten?

“You fell at that Ministry Battle exactly two years ago.”

“I suppose,” said Sirius who wished Branston would stop staring at him and rather help him up or at least send that owl to Harry. “Now, about Harry?”

“Oh, yes,” the man nodded and flushed slightly. He hurried away.

.

It has been close to five hours since Branston left to send a message to Harry and since then another Unspeakable arrived and proceeded to prod Sirius in roughly a hundred places, asked a million questions and made a dozen tests with his wand.

Sirius was starting to wonder if these mad scientists would keep him prisoner as a weird experiment who fell out of their famous veil. They seemed to want to know everything. And so far they haven’t called the Aurors to arrest Sirius, so that at least seemed like a good sign. In fact they didn’t look like they cared about his identity whatsoever.

He was seated in a room full of brains and other disgusting things. His vital signs had been checked, his blood had been taken. The only reason he was having any of it was that he didn’t have his wand and was too weak to do anything but lounge in an uncomfortable chair. Anyway, both Unspeakables looked like they would fall over if Sirius punched them. He was told the last curse that had been cast upon him, must be still taking effect. The Veil must have neutralized most of the power, but not all of its ill effects on Sirius’ health. The curious thing was that Sirius wasn’t really worried. He guessed coming back from wherever he had been – afterlife, limbo – nothing really phased you anymore. According to his two companions he would be perfectly all right after a good night’s sleep and a proper meal.

An inter-departmental memo flew in. Sirius wanted to ask Branston how could these paper aeroplanes get through those otherwise impenetrable doors that even five adult wizards (three Aurors among them) had trouble decripting, but Branston left right after reading the thing so Sirius didn’t have the chance to ask. Not two minutes later Sirius heard voices. When he turned in his chair, Branston was back and with him was Harry.

“Harry!” Sirius exclaimed and attempted to stand up. He raised himself into an almost standing position. Harry stared at him, but did not move from the doorway.

“Sirius?” he asked hesitantly.

“It’s me, Harry. As it turns out, I’m alive!” Sirius informed him. He drank in the changes in Harry’s face and body. He looked older, his face more defined, maybe slightly taller than before, but wearing the same glasses. “I’m sorry I can’t quite use my legs properly yet, the muscles are not working after two years…”

“Is it really you?”

“Yeah,” Sirius grinned. “Ask me anything only the real Sirius would know.”

“If you wanted to open a certain map, you would say‘I solemnly swear that I am up to -’?”

“No good,” said Sirius. Harry practically flew at him and hugged him for all he was worth. Sirius held him harder, feeling so happy to know Harry was alive and well by the looks of him.

When they let go of each other, Sirius was beaming like his face wanted to split itself apart.

“So. I think I will be going,” Sirius told Branston and the other Unspeakable after drinking their Strengthening Solution. He felt like he regained the full use of his limbs now that the potion was in his system.

“Would you mind coming back some time when you settled in in your new life? You could help us in our research of the afterlife.”

“Sure, owl me,” replied Sirius, who was in such a good mood that he would have agreed to kiss the guy if that meant he could leave right then.

.

“Where are we going?” Sirius asked Harry. He tried to ignore the people staring at them, but soon realized, none of them even payed him any attention. They were all watching Harry.

“Er – I though we could Floo back to Hogwarts.” Seeing Sirius’ raised eyebrows, he explained. “That’s where I was when I got that letter from the Unspeakable. We are rebuilding the castle.”

“Why?” Sirius asked. He knew the castle was centuries old, but he thought the Founders magic was still keeping it together.

“Half of it has been destroyed in the Battle.”

Catching sight of Harry’s sombre expression, he had to ask. “What happened?”

“I fought Voldemort.”

“Guess you won, then?” Sirius asked, grinning. Harry gave him a weak smile.

“I don’t know if you can say that. Our side won. Voldemort is dead because of me. And so are dozens of innocent people,” said Harry in a flat voice. They arrived at the fireplaces in the Ministry Atrium. “See you on the other side. The address is‘Hogwarts, the Headmistress’s office’.” The fire turned bright green and Harry disappeared. Sirius followed him, and the next second he was back at a very familiar room. Harry was still de-dusting his clothes.

“Ah, Sirius! Welcome back, my boy!” said Albus Dumbledore’s portrait. Phineas Nigellus was pretending to be busy in his frame.

“Thank you. Although it didn’t feel like I left at all,” said Sirius. He didn’t want to show the surprise on his face, realizing the real Dumbledore had to be dead.

“Would you mind, if we talked to you later, Professor? I haven’t had the chance to tell anyone about the good news yet. All of them should be having a lunch down in the Great Hall.”

“Of course, Harry. You will always find me here.”

As they were descending the staircase leading from the Headmistress’s office, Sirius said, “You thought the Unspeakable was lying about finding me, didn’t you?”

“Well, in my defense, it was a very unlikely story. I didn’t want to get my hopes up,” said Harry. Sirius clapped him on the shoulder in understanding.

“Anything I need to know about before I officially rejoin society?” asked Sirius.

Harry looked over at him, laughing a little. “Only two years worth of news.”

“Should be nothing compared to those twelve years I spent in Azkaban.” Harry stopped him in the Entrance Hall.

“Sirius. Your name has been cleared, I made sure of that. But it has only been a few weeks since then. The Battle was in May. Everything is very fresh. I don’t know how people will react to you. I’m only telling you this, so that if you want to change your mind, I would understand.”

“I would want to be nowhere else on my rebirth day than by your side. And I never cared about people’s opinions of me much.”

“Okay. Well, here we go.”

.

There were a lot of people. Some of them Sirius knew, some of them he had heard of, and most them he had not. Sirius being alive went over better than expected with the wizards and witches working on rebuilding the castle. After finishing their lunches most of them went back to their work stations in various parts of the castle. There were also several people suspiciously absent.

“Where are Ron and Hermione?” Sirius asked the closest person to him who happened to be Ginny Weasley.

“They are in Australia right now. Hermione had to cast a memory charm over her parents, so now that the danger is over, she has to find them and reverse it, so they can remember her again.”

“What about Remus?” Ginny looked at him with a strange sort of sadness and suddenly Sirius knew. It was Harry who spoke.

“He’s dead, Sirius. He and Tonks fell during the Battle,” he said heavily.

“He has finally asked Tonks out?”

“He married Tonks. They have a baby named Teddy Lupin. He lives at Andromeda’s and I’m his godfather.”

Sirius didn’t know what to say. This was too much news. Remus had had a life together with Tonks, he had a son. And now both of them were dead.

“When you said a lot of people died…” Sirius trailed off. “Who else that I had known?”

“Dumbledore, Mad-Eye, Hedwig, Dobby and Ted Tonks died before the Battle, Fred during…” Ginny sniffed loudly and Harry looked apologetic. “Kingsley is now temporary Minister of Magic, he is still working on rounding up rogue Death Eaters.”

“Speaking of Death Eaters,” said Sirius in what he hoped was not an over-eager voice. “Where is my favourite one, where is Snape?”

Harry and Ginny’s faces darkened. “He’s gone, Sirius.”

Sirius’ stomach plummeted to the ground. “What do you mean‘gone’? He is  _dead_?”

“He might as well be. He is in a magically induced coma. Nagini bit him, I watched him die. But as it turns out Malfoy – Draco that is – gave him a potion that puts you in between life and death. Nobody knows how to wake him or if he even can be.”

“He’s tough, Snape is, he will get out of it,” said Sirius with utter certainty. He didn’t just come back to life to hear Snape has just left the land of living for good.

“I don’t know, Sirius. No Mediwizard has been able to help him. Madam Pomfrey has been taking care of him, but it doesn’t look good. The longer he stays in coma the likelier he will be braindead by the time he wakes up.”

“Nonsense,” said Sirius. Harry was watching him curiously.

“Anything you want to tell me?”

“Meaning?”

“I just recently found out Snape has been in love with my mum since he was a boy,” said Harry slowly.

“I could have to you that years ago.”

“Why do you care so much what happens to Snape?”

“Don’t you have an arch nemesis that you just can’t forget about?” Sirius asked Harry.

“No,” said Harry, while Ginny at the same time said, “Yes, Malfoy. Harry is obsessed with Malfoy.” Harry flushed a dull pink. Sirius stored that information away for later.

“You see? Who would we argue and fight with otherwise on a weekly basis?”

“Every other person in our lives?” Harry asked uncertainly.

“Yeah, but that’s just not half as fun,” said Sirius.

.

Sirius was generously offered his own living quarters in the castle for the time being, since he insisted he wanted to help in the rebuilding work, now that he couldn’t be part of the fight. And it seemed there were not enough helping hands if they wanted to finish the renovations before the start of the school year. After checking out his new rooms Sirius went to see Snape. Thankfully Madam Pomfrey was informed he was coming so she had no objections of him sitting by his side – if and only if he let her examine him. She had heard of what had happened to him, so she gave him a few medicinal potions she hoped would restore his health completely.

Sirius sat down on the chair next to Snape’s bed and just watched him. He looked dead. His skin was unnaturally cold and white – more than his usually fair skin – and he didn’t move. He was not breathing, but Pomona assured Sirius that Snape was alive, however impossibly weak his pulse was. Snape had several puncture marks on his neck from the giant poisonous snake that by now have healed into permanent scars. Still, Sirius liked watching him. He has done it for years and then he couldn’t do it for a very long time and now he was back to being able to do it again.

.

The coming months took a pattern. When he was a teenager Sirius hated regularity, patterns and uniformity in any way. But now he was sort of enjoying it. He had a surprisingly normal life and he was fine with it. And for maybe the first time since his early twenties he felt useful, like he was a productive member of society. He got to meet a whole bunch of people while working on the Hogwarts castle. He met dozens of kids he had heard Harry talk about. He met their parents. Hell, he even got reintroduced several of his own classmates and people that went to Hogwarts at the same time as he did. He got all the facts about the Second Wizarding War; like the truth about his brother, the truth about Harry’s connection to Voldemort, the Horcruxes, Snape’s role, Dumbledore’s plans, Wormtail doing the right thing for once… There was a lot of new information to consider. A lot of new-old people to meet. A terrible amount of work to do before September.

And all through it Sirius lived at the castle where he could be close to Snape. He swore to himself that he would go every day and he kept himself to that decision. He knew Snape would never know how many hours Sirius had spent just watching him, holding his hand, touching his Dark Mark, simply being around him. And when nobody was around he talked to Snape. He told him about his day, about what he accomplished, the arguments he had, the food he ate, or the one time he ran into Kreacher by accident. He felt like he could tell Snape everything and nothing. Muggles said people in comas were sometimes unconsciously aware of the people talking to them. Whether that was true or not, Sirius wanted to be there for him. He knew what the name of that particular feeling was. And in his head he called it just that. Love.

And when – not if – Snape woke up, Sirius vowed to have those conversations with him in person. Say those words to him and make him consider Sirius in a new light. But most importantly he just wanted to be there for Snape.

.

The thing was, summer turned into automn and still, Snape slept. Hogwarts opened its doors to all magical children again, not just to the purest of blood. That meant that Sirius had to find a different place to live at. If he wanted to he could have gone back to Grimmauld Place, but so far he couldn’t bring himself to see the state it was in. Harry had told Sirius about the Fidelius being broken, so a new one had been made, where both Harry and Sirius were Secret-Keepers. Despite this, Sirius chose a different place to live in. Andromeda’s.

Sirius remembered the day Harry brought him over. The Malfoys – Narcissa and Draco - had been living with Andromeda at that time which Harry forgot to mention until he and Sirius arrived. And then Sirius decided to just go with it. As Harry said, “Malfoy is always hiding when I’m over and Narcissa is actually quite nice. She saved my life by not telling Voldemort I was alive.”, so Sirius had no other chance but to accept things as they were. It was a pretty joyous affair. Andromeda was very similar to how Sirius remembered her – level-headed and no-nonsense, but also kind and funny. She now had a few wrinkles and white hairs in her otherwise typical black hair, but who didn’t?

And Edward ‘Teddy’ Lupin was an adorable little baby whose hair constantly changed colours, depending on who held him. He did resemble both of his parents, Sirius thought. He also, as it turned out, loved to pet huge shaggy black dogs named Padfoot.

“I can’t believe you never told me,” said Andromeda with a head shake after he turned back into his human form.

“Better late than never,” said Sirius wisely. He grinned at Teddy who smiled back at him.

“How true that is,” said a soft female voice. Sirius looked around. Narcissa Malfoy stood on the porch with a shy look on her face.

“Do won’t mind if Narcissa joins us, you do, Sirius?” asked Andromeda and she made it sound like a statement instead of a question.

“Your house, your rules.” Sirius stood up, like he remembered Father teaching him when he was little.  _Gentlemen stand up when a new lady arrives_ , he used to say. “Hello Narcissa, long time no see.” He held out his hand. He was a gentleman, but he wasn’t about to kiss her hand like a snobbish prat.

“How are you, Sirius?” asked Narcissa, shaking his hand.

“Come out, Draco. Harry has already left!” Andromeda said really loudly. There was a pause in conversation where Sirius thought Narcissa would berate her sister for embarrassing her son in front of a stranger, but he didn’t. Draco did come out after a minute. Sirius rather thought he looked pink in the face. He put away that information for later.

“Draco, this is my cousin, Sirius. Sirius, this is Draco,” said Andromeda. They shook hands. Draco muttered a “How do you do?” or something along those lines. Sirius thought he would look like an exact replica of Lucius, but he didn’t, not really. Sure they looked similar; same blond hair, same grey eyes and straight nose. However Draco did not have that malevolent look on his face that Sirius remembered Lucius having. He also had a rather pointed chin and was on the thin side.

“Big family reunion,” said Sirius. Draco snorted. When Sirius considered him, he went pink in the face.

“It is true. Most of us might not hold the name‘Black’ anymore, but we share a bloodline.” Narcissa smiled at Teddy. Sirius didn’t want to start a fight so he held his tongue about bloodlines and how Bellatrix was rolling in her grave now seeing the man she killed sitting with her sisters and nephew and a half-blood baby.

The conversation did get awkward at times, since Sirius did just get back from the Veil, Narcissa was in Home arrest, her husband was in Azkaban and the man she and Draco served was indirectly responsible for Andromeda’s husband’s and daughter’s murder.

“Excited to go back to school?” Sirius asked Draco, when the two sisters went inside for refreshments.

“Not really. It wasn’t my decision, the Wizengamot ordered it. It was a condition of my probation that I finish my studies.”

“So what was the deal with you hiding from Harry?” asked Sirius like a true Gryffindor. Draco flushed a bright pink, pursed his lips in annoyance, and answered only then.

“This June Mother saved Potter’s life when she lied to the Dark Lord. A few hours earlier Potter saved me from burning to death. A few months before that I had lied so that he wasn’t discoved when he got captured and dragged to the Manor. A year prior to that he had almost cut me in half with a dark curse. So you see, we have history and several life debts to each other. He also spoke up for me and Mother at our trial. It is the only reason why we are not in Azkaban.”

“So it’s your pride,” said Sirius.

“I need time to get over it, yes,” said Draco tightly.

“You don’t like him, do you?”

“What?” yelped Draco.

“Nothing. I just thought… You reminded me of somebody. Myself, actually.”

“Reminded you of what?”

“I liked someone, but I was too proud to admit it,” said Sirius, thinking of his reluctance to tell his friends about Snape. Draco opened his mouth to answer, but his mother and aunt interrupted him with their arrival.

That was the short story of how Sirius met his long-lost relatives and then came to live with them after Draco left for Hogwarts. For some reason he never told Harry about his conversation with Draco. He felt that if there were anything to happen between the two, it had to happen naturally, not because some nosy person intervened.

.

After school started, Sirius’ schedule changed a little. Branston had contacted him and Sirius agreed to help out in a few experiments. He even got payed. It was his first payed job as an adult. The work didn’t require much of his time, only a few hours a week relaying his memories (or lack thereof) of the limbo, sitting while they cast detection spells on him and discussed theories with him. The rest of his time Sirius divided between spending time with Teddy, helping Andromeda, sitting by Snape’s bedside and consulting with McGonagall. This last thing came as somewhat of a surprise. The Headmistress told Sirius in private that she was planning on retiring from teaching, since she found that simply managing the school was rather time-consuming without the added hours of teaching classes, getting ready for the next day’s lessons and correcting students’ homeworks. And then she proceeded to tell Sirius that she thought he would be the ideal person to be her successor as Transfigurations professor and if the Board of Governors agreed, Head of Gryffindor House. Sirius was honestly so shocked that McGonagall had to ask if he was all right. He told her he would consider it, but wasn’t sure he was an acceptable candidate, considering his past.

She said she couldn’t think of a more talented student of Transfiguration in her last twenty years of teaching and how she was both horrified and delighted to hear how he and his friends had managed to learn to become Animagi without outside help. She of course would train him and had already got the approval of the Minister of Magic to hire him if he wished so. And so Sirius slept on it, talked it through with Andromeda and accepted the offer to train with Minerva.

The first thing he did after saying yes, was to go down to the Hospital Wing and tell Snape. He could imagine Snape’s horror at this news and wished he could see it. But Snape was as still as ever as he lay in the Infirmary bed.

.

Months have passed and a new year came with no change in Snape’s condition. Experts were called in, then famour Potioneers, with no results.

“Hey,” said Draco Malfoy. Sirius had had his issues with the boy, but decided that his relationship with Harry was not Sirius’ business. If he messed it up, he better made it right himself.

“Hey.”

“No change?”

“Do you have to ask?” Sirius demanded, waving a hand over Snape’s form. Draco sat down on the opposite side of the bed.

“I’m starting to think these supposed world famous Potioneers are frauds just like Lockhart was.”

“Useless the lot of them,” Sirius agreed. “I was thinking the other day -”

“Dangerous thing for a Gryffindor.”

“You sound just like Snape. Anyway, so I have to ask, can you tell me everything he told you when he gave you that bottle of Draught of Living Death? It might be important.”

“Like I told already a million times to everyone who would listen, he told me to drink it if I was mortally wounded or about to be killed or tortured. He said that it would put me into a fugue state where pain could not reach me. My vital signs would first look like I was completely dead and then with time they would pick up.”

“Pick up how?” Sirius asked.

“Stronger pulse, I guess. Little movements of the body. That kind of thing.”

“And he didn’t say when that time would come?”

“No, he didn’t.” Sirius could tell Draco was getting impatient. “I assumed he meant a day or two at most, not months.”

“Well, if it wasn’t working, he would long be dead. His body is practically shut down. Pomfrey can’t feed him because his body won’t allow it and yet he isn’t losing weight.”

“Sometimes his eyelashes move.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, standing up to stare at Draco.

“They do,” Draco insisted. “I noticed it a few weeks ago when I was fluffing his pillow.”

“You never told me!”

“Well, you never asked!” retorted Draco.

Sirius took a deep breath and closed his eyes, praying for patience. In times like these he wondered if he had been crazy to accept the teaching position.

“Anything else you noticed?” he said at last.

“Maybe his pulse is stronger, but it’s hard to tell,” said Draco. Sirius took Snape’s left hand and put his thumb on Snape’s pulse point. He had a pulse and it didn’t seem as weak as it used to be the previous summer, but it wasn’t proof enough that he was getting better. Sirius gently put Snape’s hand back on the bed covers.

“If you notice anything – anything at all, will you tell me straight away?” asked Sirius.

“Yes,” said Draco.

.

Snape woke up slowly. His eyelids feeling heavy. When he finally opened them, the last person he ever expected to sit at his bedside was looking at him.

“Am I dead?” he asked. His voice sounded strange to his ears.

“Unless your heaven has me in it, then no. You are very much alive and just woken up from a year long coma,” said Sirius Black.

“It’s called the Draught of Living Death for a reason.”

“Aw, you are clearly feeling much better if you are already correcting me. And there were people thinking you were braindead.”

“Those were braindead,” said Snape, getting a caughing fit. When Sirius poured him a cup of water and wanted to hand it over, Snape said, “W-what are you doing? Who said you could be here? And how on Earth are you alive?”

“Oh, it’s a funny story…”

.

“So even the Veil spat you out.”

“Not as tough as it looks, is it?” said Sirius calmly.

“Who gave it to me? The potion?”

“Draco Malfoy. He apparently followed Harry down to the Shrieking Shack and happened to have a bottle of the Draught of Living Death on his person ever since the year prior when you gave it to him to use as a last option in case he was ever fatally wounded or attacked.” Sirius watched Snape process this news. “These godsons, they will bring you back even from the dead.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” said Snape, getting agitated.

“Nothing. Harry brought back my ghost back by a magical fairytale ring, since I wasn’t really alive at the time.”

“No,” croaked Snape. His hand made a sudden movement. “Potter, is he -?”

“Would I be having a friendly little chat with you if he was dead? Althought, who knows, maybe I would.” At Snape’s look, Sirius added, “He is alive and well. He is now also The Boy Who Lived Twice, since he was in fact clinically dead for a few minutes.”

“And  _He_  – the Dark Lord, is he dead?” asked Snape almost fearfully.

“Yes,” said Sirius simply, he gently pushed Snape back down on the bed where he has half-risen from. “Now calm down, before you give yourself a heart attack. Madam Pomfrey is getting fed up with all these people coming back from various stages of death and afterlife and limbo.”

“Did Potter do it?”

“Yes, with the help of many-many other wizards and witches and magical creatures. He did it. Also, just a heads up, he told everyone about your affections for his mother.” Sirius said this lightly, but inside he was agitated. Snape gave a big sigh and raised his eyes to the ceiling of the Infirmary.

“Why are you here, then?” he said at last.

“Oh, that. I was hoping we could start anew.”

“No.”

“Could you look at me at least?” asked Sirius. Snape’s eyes flickered toward him. “Thank you. Although I was hoping we could have this conversation a bit later when I was slightly more prepared and you did not just awaken from a year long deep sleep, but fine, have it your way. I want to  _date_  you.”

In the midst of his curtain of long black hair, Snape’s eyes widened. “You are delusional.”

“I also want us to be friends. But mostly hang out and continue having brilliant sex and have verbal foreplays and be  _together_  together.”

“You are absolutely out of your mind. Barking mad.”

“Ha! Animagus pun. I’ll take that as verbal foreplay.”

“I don’t want you here. Go away.” Snape waved at him dismissively.

“Who do you want to have here?” Sirius asked. Snape glared at him. Great. He managed to insult him in under ten minutes.  _Great start, Sirius, really excellent_. “Look, I didn’t mean anything by it. The point I am trying to get through to you is that we both practically came back from the dead. We have a chance to turn our lives around and start again. I don’t want to keep having the antagonistic passive-agressive relationship we used to have. I don’t want to pretend not to like you. I don’t want to be held back by my past. And yes, I know that there will be fights to be fought, but I want to have a semi-normal life for once. I want to start with saying, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the arsehole I was back in school and I’m sorry for being the irresponsible manchild I was after Azkaban.” Sirius looked out of the windows into the sunny, green school grounds. “I decided to grow up. Be a proper adult. Be a responsible and good godfather. But not the boring kind. I want to stay true to myself, but at the same time I also want to keep having adventures and be an idiot, you know?”

Snape gave a loud exhale, and Sirius looked over and away from the window. Snape was busy sleeping, his chest rising and falling evenly, his mouth unattractively half-open. Sirius still found the sight endearing. He really had it bad.

He started to laugh helplessly until Madam Pomfrey threatened to kick him out.

.

Their relationship didn’t change from one day to another. It took months of consistently working on improving it to a point where Sirius stopped giving an angry retort to Snape’s every cutting remark. Trust had to be built. And to get Snape to even consider trusting you, you had to have an immense amount of patience. Snape was so obstinate. But one had to start somewhere.

.

“I will not lie here all day like an invalid!” said Snape furiously. Sirius had been trying to keep him in bed in what he thought was a tactful way. Clearly Snape didn’t find it as such.

“But don’t forget that all your muscles were out of commission for better part of a year. You have to take it easy.” Sirius tried for a soothing voice. Snape was having none of it. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up for the first time in months. His legs immediately gave out under him and he would have fallen had Sirius not been standing in wait for something like this to happen. He swooped in and caught Snape under the arms and held him close to himself. The few inches of height difference between the two of them was rather apparent like this. A muscle was jumping in Snape’s jaw. Sirius wanted Snape’s distress to be gone as soon as possible.

“Now that I have you comfortably in my arms, will you let me kiss you?” asked Sirius in a soft voice looking Snape right into the eyes. “Please? I’ve waited twenty-three years.”

“It’s always about you, isn’t it?” snarled Snape.

“I think you’ve also wanted it for a very long time, but you would not let yourself have it.” Snape’s eyes searched Sirius’ as if for a lie. Sirius let him. He had nothing to hide.

And then Snape kissed him. He kissed Sirius very awkwardly indeed, but he kissed him nonetheless. Sirius had a fleeting thought that maybe this was the first in all those twenty-something years that Snape kissed anyone. He kind of wished it was.

Sirius kept holding Snape up against his own body and continued kissing him. It was just lips against lips and noses touching, but Sirius’ heart wanted to fly out of his body in excitement. It was so worth the wait.

Somebody cleared their throat. That someone turned out to be Draco Malfoy, accompanied by Harry Potter. Snape went completely still against Sirius, so Sirius took it as a demand to let him go. He deposited Snape on the Infirmary bed, so that he was at least in a sitting position. Sirius sat down in his usual chair and looked over at his godson and his boyfriend. Harry looked immensely embarrassed to bear witness to two grown men kissing, especially those two men being Sirius and Snape. He didn’t seem to know where to look. Draco on the other hand was just smirking in his usual way. He at least didn’t look surprised.

“Sorry for the interruption, Professor. We had no idea you were up to more physically demanding activities,” said Draco beaming evilly. Snape scowled at him, still slightly flushed in the face.

“You are terrible godsons to us,” Sirius told the boys. “I at least would have had the courtesy to knock.”

“We did. There was no answer,” said Harry, avoiding Sirius’ eyes. Okay, so what? Sirius had been distracted, it was possible he didn’t hear them.

“What are you doing here?” asked Snape, his question obviously made to Harry.

“Er -”

“You didn’t tell him?” demanded Draco from Sirius. He was once again smirking.

Now it was Sirius, who was in trouble. “Er – yeah.” He turned to Snape, “So it’s possible I forgot to mention it to you that our godsons are an item now.”

Snape looked away from Sirius and considered the way Draco was standing rather close to Harry Potter. “I’m disappointed in you, Draco. Potter, _really_?”

“You are one to talk, Severus. I mean, Sirius Black? I understand that he was really hot when he was young, but now -” Draco waved an all encompassing hand over Sirius.

“Hey, watch your mouth, cousin. I’m still pretty young, all right? Same age as Snape here,” protested Sirius indignantly.

“Yeah, but he’s wise…”

“Oi -” said Harry. “Draco, stop being difficult.”

“That’s enough,” said Snape and suddenly everyone quietened down. “Let’s just agree that we all have terrible tastes in companions.”

“Hear hear,” said Draco.

“Snape here needs his beauty sleep and you also interrupted us in the middle of our snogging session. So, thanks for stopping by, but could you go now? I want to kiss him some more now that he lets me,” said Sirius.

“Yeah, we’ll go gladly,” said Harry.

“I will come see you tomorrow after Arithmancy,” Draco told Snape. He winked ostentatiously and then left with Harry.

“I regret everything,” said Snape looking horrified.

“I think they make a lovely couple,” observed Sirius. Then he leaned closer to Snape, waggling his eyebrows. “Wanna make out some more?”

.

“What’s a synonym for idiot that doesn’t start with an‘m’?”

“I hear you used to favour the word‘dunderhead’. Why, you need it for your crossword puzzle?”

“No, I want to extend my vocabulary of insults if I am to be around you regularly.”

“Ha, good one! And did you just say‘regularly’? Now we are talking! Is this one of those conversations where we talk about where our relationship is headed? I never did one of those.” Sirius gave Snape one of his wide smiles which naturally Snape did not return.

.

“Are you sure you can walk that far? We could Floo from McGonagall’s office, I’m certain she wouldn’t mind.”

“I’m not an invalid and I told you not to treat me as such,” said Snape. He was still so grumpy, it was almost adorable, Sirius thought. They were going on their first official date now. This of course was not something Snape was aware of  _yet_ , but Sirius would inform him soon enough.

“Understood. Now, shall we head to Madam Puddifoot’s, then?”

Seeing Snape’s horrified expression, Sirius burst out laughing.

“Or not. Harry tells me it’s this teashop that looks like that Umbridge woman’s office used to look like.”

“I thought dogs disliked cats.”

Sirius smiled at him sweetly. “Oh well, Hog’s Head it is.”

“I would have expected you to want to go to The Three Broomsticks to ogle Rosmerta.”

“Not when I’m on a date, no.”

“Who said anything about being on a date?” demanded Snape.

“Oh, did I forget to mention it to you? Yes, we are going on a date together.”

“No,” said Snape. He stopped in the middle of the road leading into Hogsmeade. Sirius looked at him, suddenly exasperated.

“Why not? Enlighten me.” Snape glared at Sirius in answer, like he was stalling until he could give a good enough answer.

“Because… because we will look like two… homosexuals!” he exclaimed in his raspy voice. He seemed to be surprised at the intensity of the sound.

“Well, we are,” Sirius told him. “Or at least I am. You are bisexual, right?”

Snape continued looking at him mutinously.

“Are you afraid of being seen with me? Or is it that your students might recognize you? Didn’t you fight your whole life for a world when you can be finally free?”

“Maybe I am a coward,” said Snape, his voice barely audible this time.

“No, you are not!” Sirius replied vehemently. “But if you need more time, I’ll give you as long as you want. We can just have a butterbeer and then go back to the school.”

“I don’t want butterbeer,” said Snape in what Sirius thought was a really annoying manner. Still, Sirius played it cool.

“Okay, then firewhiskey.”

“I don’t want firewhiskey. I want to have sex with you.”

Sirius was pretty sure his mouth opened very unattractively like a fish’s would. Snape had said it in such a commanding voice, so sure of it.

“I… would love to have sex with you. Are you sure you are up for it?”

“Is that supposed to be a dare?”

Sirius shook his head, smiling a little. “No. It was out of concern for your health. I didn’t nurse you back to life for you to die on me in the middle of sex.”

“I would never,” murmured Snape, the side of his mouth rising. “If memory serves me right, it was you, who fainted that one time…”

“Mhm, that’s right,” grinned Sirius and stalked right up to Snape. Kissed him lightly on the mouth. “And where do you want to have sex for the first time after we both came back from death, hm?”

“The Hog’s Head rents out rooms,” rasped Snape, biting at Sirius’ lower lip.

“Seems like you’ve thought this through. Been thinking of us fucking, have you?”

In answer, Snape took Sirius’ hand and put it on the side of his hip. At first Sirius thought he wanted Sirius to touch him elsewhere, but then he felt the small bottle that could only be lubricant. Sirius moaned quite loudly and kissed Snape some more.

Sirius kept a proprietary hand on Snape’s waist that to his surprise Snape didn’t shake off as they walked in the almost total darkness toward Hogsmeade.

Aberforth Dumbledore kindly refrained from commenting on the two of them renting a room together for the night. But then again his late brother’s proclivities were well-known by now, so he probably wasn’t phased by the thought of two men together. A customer was a customer.

“I want to fuck you so bad,” said Snape after the door shut closed behind them.

“Yes,  _please_ ,” groaned Sirius, already stripping himself of t-shirt. “Can I ride you?”

“Do you even have to ask,” murmured Snape back, while he used his wand to get the row of buttons on his shirt undone. It was all taking too long in Sirius’ opinion, so when they were only in their underpants he just magicked the last pieces of clothing away. Snape looked like he wanted to argue about his disappeared underwear, but Sirius tackled him onto the bed and snogged him so hard that he forgot all about it after a minute.

“You are so fucking beautiful,” said Sirius, touching Snape’s chest and belly. “Yes, you are,” he added when Snape looked doubtful. “Can you feel hard I am for you?” He pushed his cock against Snape’s equally hard cock. Snape closed his eyes, giving a throaty moan.

“I missed you so much and I can’t wait to have you inside of me again,” said Sirius. He lathered up Snape’s cock and then reached behind himself to prepare himself while Snape watched him with hungry eyes. When he felt he was ready, he straddled Snape’s long limbs and positioned himself over Snape’s dick and then sat down on it slowly. They both groaned in tandem with Snape bottomed out and all of his considerable length was inside Sirius. “Feels… feels better than ever.”

“You are nice and tight for me, Black,” praised Snape. Sirius started move his hips against Snape, trying the different angles. Snape’s hands were holding him by the buttocks, like he wanted to pull Sirius apart, to fuck into him impossibly deeper.

“So fucking good,” swore Sirius, tweaking Snape’s nipple. Snape’s cock jumped inside him as if those two were connected. Sirius did it again. Snape pistoned his hips off the bed while holding Sirius in one place. Sirius leaned a bit backwards and his right hand found Snape’s bullocks, so he fondled them gently and rolled them between his fingers to which Snape’s dick hardened inside him, jumped again. His balls were drawing up and Sirius felt he was also getting close. He let go of Snape’s testicles and leaned forward and over Snape so that he was almost lying on Snape with his full body.

“Kiss me,” Snape pleaded, so Sirius did. And he put tongue in it and teeth and all the while he was moving with Snape, on Snape, his tongue inside Snape’s mouth, curling against him… and then he was coming in quick bursts of semen falling from cock and landing on both of them and Snape was not far behind, his dick jerking against Sirius’ insides, Sirius tightening his walls around him to maybe, possibly keep him in a little longer, be able to feel his come as deep as possible. Their aftershocks died down, but still Sirius and Snape did not stop kissing, Sirius flattened himself against Snape so that their sweaty chests brushed with every move. And Sirius was saying words, mostly unintelligible, but Snape didn’t seem too eager to question their meaning, he was murmuring back in that newly raspy voice that he had.

They fell asleep twined together, mid-kiss.

.

Sirius realized he was quite certainly too gone on Snape to care about things. Was this what love felt like? Being too ridiculous and crazy besotted with another person? If so, he had it  _bad_.

“You can’t stop smiling, Sirius,” said Harry, looking worried for his mental health. It was true, Sirius didn’t usually smile all that much. He was either scowling or laughing madly.

“This is what  _crazy_  happy looks like.”

“I take it things are going well with Snape.”

“Yes. Things are amazing. Now that I broke through his dam of self-recrimination, he is like a new person. Well, new person with his old characteristics.”

They were sitting at The Three Broomsticks and nursing their respective drinks. “I’m happy for you, Sirius.”

Sirius beamed at Harry. “Thanks. So how about you and Draco? All is well?”

“Yeah,” said Harry. Then his face darkened. “Unless you count the fact that he wants me to meet his father.”

“But you have met Lucius several times in the past, didn’t you?”

“Meet, as in like Draco’s boyfriend.”

“Ouch. Well, good luck with that. If he’s being a dick, just call me and I will talk to him. Or hex him.”

“Er – I’d rather you didn’t.”

“Fine,” said Sirius regretfully.

“There was actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Um, Draco and I were thinking of moving in together… to Grimmauld Place.”

Sirius considered the idea. He shrugged. “Fine by me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, why not? I like Draco. He’s a little shit, but so was I at his age. And he seems to really like you. The house has been empty for too long and with the start of September I will move to Hogwarts, so I have no need for it. It’s not like I wanted to move back there… ever.”

When Sirius looked at his godson, he looked relieved that Sirius had no objections with two teenage boys taking over his family home. Sirius could have told him that nothing would make him happier than knowing that his mother would witness another not-so-distant relative being queer and living with a half-blood in her house.

“And um, you and Snape, will you share living quarters at Hogwarts?”

That gave Sirius a pause. It was not something he ever discussed with Snape, but the idea had occured to him once or twice.

“Maybe down the line. I don’t want to push him. You know how he is.”

Harry nodded like he understood perfectly. Sirius guessed he did. Having been Snape’s least favourite student six years running gave him enough experience with Snape’s moods.

“So is he going back to teaching?”

“Yes. Minerva agreed to take him on again as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.”

“Hope you won’t take pointers from him how to teach,” said Harry, to which Sirius snorted rather loudly.

“No, I think not. But his idea of asking Draco to help me demonstrate human Transfigurations had its merits.”

“Why Draco?”

“Snape thought Draco might miss being a ferret.”

Harry looked at Sirius and they burst out laughing at the same time.

“Maybe not.”

“Still a touchy subject?” asked Sirius.

“I don’t know.  _You_  ask him,” Harry told Sirius in no uncertain terms.

.

“Honey, I’m home!” said Sirius in sing-song voice. Snape scowloed at him from his place by the fire. They were not in fact living together yet.

“What do you want,” Snape said flatly. Sirius advanced on him, grinning.

“I want to make sweet sweet love to you. What else would I want?” He leaned over Snape, caging him in his armchair.

“It is twenty minutes to dinner.”

“Exactly. Plenty of time for a quick round.”

“Will you ever stop being  _randy_?”

“No, my name is Sirius.” Snape messaged his temple in annoyance, then he put the book he had been reading down on the mantle.

“Well, then get to it. You will have to do all the work, I’m tired from being around all those morons all day.”

“Yes, Professor,” said Sirius. He got to his knees and started unbuttoning Snape’s trousers.

.

Sirius laid down his head on Snape’s chest. The slow and steady thump thump thump of it was rather reassuring. He didn’t know why they always ended up in Snape’s quarters, but they did. Maybe it was that in most of the cases it was Sirius who initiated their sexual contact. It wasn’t like Snape was passive or anything, but sometimes Sirius thought Snape still feared he would get rejected by Sirius. Which was so not the case.

Sirius turned his head sideways so he could place small kisses on Snape’s body. He licked a nipple innocently. Snape slid his hand in Sirius’ hair, scratching his scalp lightly. His chest gave a satisfied little rumble under Sirius’ ear.

“You skin tastes so good,” murmured Sirius.

“Said the big bad wolf to Little Red.”

“I don’t think that’s how the fairytale goes.”

“We both know your knowledge of Muggle literature is extremely lacking.”

“And yet you haven’t kicked me to the curb. May wonders never cease,” said Sirius, sliding his nose over Snape’s collarbone and onto the side of his neck and behind his left ear.

“You are annoyingly persistent,” said Snape ignoring Sirius’ attempts at biting his ear.

“Yes, and you are annoyingly high-strung and naysaying.”

“That’s not a word.”

“It is if I say so,” whispered Sirius. He scraped his teeth lightly over Snape’s ear. Snape’s hold on his head tightened. “I think you just like to be pursued and wooed,  _Severus_.”

Snape looked sideways at him, raising his eyebrow.

“I thought I would try it out. You know, couples usually do the calling each other on their first names thing.”

“ _Couples_ ,” drawled Snape with some amusement.

“Couples, partners, boyfriends, fuckbuddies who practically live together. Call it what you want. Call  _me_  what you want.”

Snape suddenly turned them so he was lying sideways on Sirius. He could feel the hot line of Snape erection against his groin.

“Shall I call you a… slut for my dick,” he asked softly, looking down in Sirius’ face, lying just inches apart from him. Snape’ black eyes were dancing with a playfulness Sirius has never seen on him.

“That would be… acceptable,” groaned Sirius, raising his face closer to Snape’s, wordlessly asking him for a kiss. Snape leaned down and attacked his mouth with lips and then his tongue slid over Sirius’s cheek and into his ear. Sirius’ legs slid further apart to accomodate Snape’s body between them and silently demanding he enter him. “Please.”

“Always so quick to beg, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” moaned Sirus. “I’m sure you noticed how any time your dick comes close to me my brain gets fried.”

“I love when you come apart under me,” said Snape. His hips were slowly sliding against Sirius’, just the slightest of movement, but it was like fireworks were erupting over Sirius’ skin every time their cocks touched. Snape was going to drive him crazy.

“It’s not just your body, not just your dick. It’s your voice, your taste, your smell that gets me so hard and wanting. Severus,  _please_.”

Snape raised himself up and pushed Sirius’ legs to his chest. He slid back into Sirius easily. After all he was still wet with Snape’s come from earlier. They fucked hot and hard, like they fought. Sirius was unable to do anything, but take that wonderful weight and feel being so full with Snape moving inside him. They kissed and held each other close and finished almost at the same time.

Sirius laughed afterwards and when Snape looked uncomprehending, he kissed him some more, pulled him closer and stroked every part of him, caressed every inch of skin that he could reach.

“You know, I think Dumbledore knew what he was doing.”

“What on Earth do you mean by that?”

“That summer after our fifth year. He sent me to your house to punish me for what I did, yes. But I think he also wanted to save you from yourself.”

“That plan had failed spectacularly,” said Snape. It was clear to Sirius that he wanted to draw away, but Sirius held him tightly.

“Not in my eyes. You turned out to be a good guy after all.”

.

“I have a surprise for you,” said Sirius one day.

“Oh no. What is it?” Snape asked, looking horrified.

“I can’t tell you. That’s the point. I will Side-Along Apparate us, if you agree.”

“How can I agree if I don’t know where we are going?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You could trust me?  _Please_.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely…” said Snape. Sirius grabbed hold of his hand and visualised their destination in his mind.

At once he knew they were at the right place.

Sirius had been worried about this trip. He had been contemplating of bringing Snape here of all places for a while now. He made sure Snape understood that this was  _not_  a date.

Still, when he caught the haunted, gut-wrenched look on Snape’s face, he suddenly realized this has been an awful miscalculation.

“Oh, Merlin. Fuck! I’m sorry, this was a terrible idea. I shouldn’t have -”

Snape put a surprisingly gentle finger on Sirius’s mouth. Sirius shut it. “It’s fine. Stop talking. You did this in your usual harsh and thoughless and fairly Gryffindor way, but – don’t interrupt me – I understand the point you were trying to make. I don’t… I won’t say I like it, because the circumstances - facts - are what they are, but I get it.”

“You do?” asked Sirius. He just came to notice he was holding Snape’s hand like he was afraid the man was going to flee. He loosened his grip.

“I do. And I agree. We have been prisoners of our pasts for too long and it is time for us to let go of it. This is the place to do so, in every sense of the word. This place symbolizes our pasts. Dumbledore, Lily, Potter -” Here Snape looked like he was in pain, “James. Harry. V-Voldemort.”

“I love you,” said Sirius. Snape looked at him,  _really_  looked at Sirius, but it felt like it was the first time he was really seeing him. And Sirius realized that he  _did_  love Snape. Despite all his faults and thorns in his personality or maybe  _because of_  them he loved Severus Snape. Just as he was.

Snape kissed Sirius. It was one of those unbelieveable kisses where your heart stopped beating for a second – maybe of surprise or excitement or love. Snape’s long fingers curled around Sirius and pulled him impossibly closer, so that they were chest to chest and nose to nose. The logistics of kissing somebody with the size of Snape’s nose was tricky, but Sirius didn’t care if they bumped noses and looked like total lunatics in the middle of a village square. It felt like Pixies were dancing inside his belly and after skipping a beat, his heart was thudding a mile a minute like it wanted to disattach itself from Sirius’ body. It was glorious and heartfelt and completely crazy judging by the looks they were getting from all the Muggles of Godric’s Hollow.

It was with deep regret that Sirius leaned back, after a last peck against Snape’s lips. Snape for once seemed dumbstruck, cheeks all flushed and eyes feverous, alive. He licked his lips, unconscious of doing so. Sirius couldn’t get enough of the sight of him. It was the first time in maybe for forever that Snape’s eyes have lost their dead look, and it wasn’t because of anger or hurt, it was because of Sirius.

“It looks like we are making a spectacle of ourselves,” stated Snape like he was talking about the weather rather than having snogged the hell out of another grown man in the middle of nowhere. He still hasn’t let go of Sirius, however. His breath tickled the side of Sirius’ face. If Sirius was in his dog form right now, he just knew he would be waggling his tail like crazy.

“It took me almost twenty years, but I might make you into a rebel yet.”

“Well, I do have a tattoo,” said Snape. Sirius snorted and buried his face into Snape’s neck. Breathed him in, held him stronger.

“I have a motorcycle. Oh, wait. I might not have it anymore. Hagrid was telling me about him and Harry crashing it.”

“We can discuss our would be pathetic middle age motorcycle gang somewhere else, no?” murmured Snape.

Sirius nodded and stepped away from Snape, far enough that he missed holding him already. “Shall we?” said Snape heavily.

“Yes,” said Sirius, turning away from the war memorial slash Potter family statue. He hadn’t known there was one. Harry‘forgot’ to mention that little detail in his description on how to find it.

Snape seemed to know the way by himself. Or so Sirius thought.

“Have you ever been here before?” Sirius asked.

“No.” Snape paused. “Well, not exactly. I could never bring myself to go all the way to the grave.” Sirius linked their fingers together in understanding. “I was afraid somebody would see me. Recognize me.”

“And now here you are holding hands with and kissing a convinced murderer,” said Sirius bracingly. Snape might have rolled his eyes when Sirius couldn’t see his expression.

“Trying to change my mind about it already?”

“Nope. Just getting started. If that kiss was a good indication of what is about to happen in the future, you are not getting rid of me ever.”

“Oh, dear me. Need I rethink this coming back to life?” said Snape with a straight face. Sirius grinned at him, swinging their arms a bit higher. When they saw the grave, both of them sobered up instantly, but did not let go of each other.

They stood there for a few minutes neither of them said a word. Sirius broke the silence.

“I don’t know if you two can hear us from up there, but here we are. Your eyes are not deceiving you, we are indeed holding hands. And surprisingly the world has not ended yet.” Sirius looked over at Snape. He grip on Sirius’ hand was so strong, it was starting to hurt. Snape seemed to have gone mute, so Sirius spoke for him. “We both miss you very much. So does Harry by the way, he is fine. You wouldn’t believe who he is dating – but anyway, it’s his story to tell. We are doing well so far. Muggles call it the Honeymoon phase of the relationship, but that would imply we hadn’t been having fantastic sex and conversation up until now and that is simply not true -”

“Shut up, Sirius,” said Snape. Sirius goggled at him in shock and quite honestly delight at having been called by his given name. “He is right. We are doing… better than expected. Your son has made sure that both of us now have clean slates and we are free men. I – we are not quite certain as to where our lives are going in this new world.”

“We never really had choices, you see. Until now. The opportunities are - as they say – endless. It’s all terrifying and wonderful and overwhelming. But we are together now. We can do this.” Sirius tightened his fingers around Snape’s in certainty.

“You will always live on in our memories,” said Snape quietly.

“Always,” repeated Sirius.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
